'AITA for telling my ILs to leave me out of their dispute over future child/grandchild's name?'
"AITA for telling my ILs to leave me out of their dispute over future child/grandchild's name?"
LengthinessOk1528
I'm (25f) recently married to Josh (27m) and I have a good relationship with his brother Tommy (30m) and Tommy's wife Lily (30f). For this reason, when they found out a month ago they were expecting a boy, they asked me if I would be okay with them naming their son Logan.
Reason? My name is Logan and they didn't want to make me feel any kind of offended or annoyed that they were using the name too. I told them I had no problem with it at all.
Lily said the name was always on their list but me joining the family made it more special, which was sweet. They decided on the full name a week or two ago and they announced it over a family lunch on Sunday.
Shit hit the fan immediately. MIL and FIL asked them what they were thinking naming their son after a woman. They expressed a lot of displeasure about my name being a boys name traditionally.
But said the name was now directly linked with me and their grandson should only be named after men. Josh told his parents they were being ridiculous and wouldn't they be glad Logan was being reclaimed as a boy name in the family if they were so offended. They said it was still on a female in the family now.
Tommy then tells his parents it's not their decision and the only person they would have accepted criticism about the choice from is me, and I had no problem with them using it. They said they should care about how it looks. Tommy said it doesn't look bad in any way. That people won't care today.
It escalated. Lily tried to calm them down by saying their Logan will love being named after his amazing (and only) aunt. For whatever reason my ILs decided that I needed to step in and they told me I should make it known I am no longer okay with another Logan and I should do it for him if nothing else.
I kept eating through most of this so wasn't involved at all. I just said I was good, thanks. But they didn't like that and pressed the issue. Josh told them it was nothing to do with me.
ILs said it was because Tommy and Lily made it my problem. Tommy and Lily apologized over ILs. I said it was fine. But please leave me out of it. I gave my blessing. I won't take it back. But ultimately the naming is not my decision.
Tommy apologized again. ILs said I can't stay out of it when it's my name. I said not just mine though and then went back to eating. ILs were not happy with my request to be kept out of it. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
ParticularBanana9149
Of course NTA. But you learned an important lesson (you may have already known). You NEVER share the name until the kid is born. I learned the hard way like your BIL/SIL.
Sweetcilantro
info: your...in laws are mad that a traditionally male name is being used on a boy because you had it non traditionally?
BluePopple
NTA, I bet they wouldn’t bat an eye if grandpa was named Joseph and BIL and his wife decided to name a daughter Josephine. But heaven forbid the genders be switched. And the whole point of the name having been on their list before OP was in the family is lost on them. They aren’t naming the baby after OP, instead, they simply share a name.
People need to get over their belief that they can control what others name their kid. And the whole “they stole my baby name” trope… name your kid the name you wanted anyway.
Too bad, so sad if there are two babies named Edwina-Rose Starshine Smith in one family. (Using fake outlandish baby name, not one from a real AITA.) It’s not like there isn’t a long history of people passing a family name through generations anyway.
biohazard221
NTA little dude could just as easily be named after Wolverine from the X-MEN. IL's need to get a grip he's not their child.
_mmiggs_
NTA. Your in-laws are absurd. If they're upset with their grandson being called Logan, because they think that your existence makes Logan in to a "girly" name, that's on them.
They can make their case, and win or lose on their own merits. Trying to persuade you to lie about your opinion in order to help them "win" is evil scummy dirtbag behavior. They are liars without a shred of honor.
Moonydog55
NTA. And not gonna lie, I had this hilarious image in my head of you sitting there eating a bowl of cereal while staring at the tv while this was all going down.
bestbobever
NTA - ILs clearly have not been told 'No' enough in their life. They appear to be the only ones with a problem. They should direct their problem to the nearest brick wall or angrily shout it to the nearest cloud.
omeomi24
NTA - it's a name used for men and women. What I don't understand is why so many young people today feel they have to 'share' every bit of personal info and family info they have.
Tell people the baby's name AFTER it's born and named. Your ILs are wrong - and should be ignored by the new baby's parents and by you. They named THEIR kids -this was is none of their business.
Eva_Roos
No of course you are NTA. You gave your blessing,that is what counts. Your ILs just need to suck it up and get with the times. They are throwing tantrums about nothing and making a joyous occasion less joyous with their moaning. Please tell Tommy and Lily to ignore them and I hope they get a happy, healthy little Logan.
Purrfectno
Wow. NTA. I’ll always surprised when people presume that they have any right to judge someone else’s decision that is absolutely none of their business. You could call that child Cracker Jack and it’s still none of anyone’s business. 🤦🏼♀️