'AITA for basically telling my in-laws this is my house, if you don't like my rules get out?'
"AITA for basically telling my in-laws this is my house, if you don't like my rules get out?"
First off I don't think I was wrong which has infuriated my girlfriend. I (25) recently moved into my house. My girlfriend (27) and I had a little housewarming. Her family, my mother and a few of our friends.
We were eating outdoors and the kids had their own table. My girlfriend's nephew (8) knocked over a jug of dilute. I was at the table when it happened and it was clearly an accident. He was very polite and apologized. He was a little upset but I just laughed it off.
His father came over and I was shocked at how much his father gave out to him. I felt really guilty for not stopping it. He ran over to the corner of the garden and started crying.
His father went back to the table and he said what happened and his wife said he deserved that, he should stay there a long time or something along those lines. There was almost a snicker from some of her family.
Anyway I went over to the boy a couple of minutes later. I gave him a bar of chocolate. He was still crying. He said sorry again. I gave him a high five and taught him this high five I used to do as a kid.
His mother came over and said do you mind not talking to my son. He needs to think about what he did wrong and he needs to do that alone. I took her and her husband aside and said this is my house, if you want to upset your kid don't do it here. If you don't like it get out.
I swear the reaction that followed was insane. They went back to the table saying it. My mom said (never holding back) didn't I raise a great son. He's spot on not to let bullies in his house. Which erupted it even more.
My girlfriend spoke to me in private and asked me to apologize to them. I said no. I stand by what I said and (this part I regret a bit) I told her I think less of her for even asking me to apologize. A mate of mine and his son kicked ball with the boy and I. He actually gave me a hug (I don't do hugs) at the end of the party and said sorry again.
I really could go on about the drama but in short her family thought I was wrong. I was getting little digs etc. My girlfriend's friend came up privately and said I was right to step in.
My girlfriend is still pushing for me to apologize. I still don't think I did anything wrong. I didn't tell them how to parent but told them to leave if that's how they want to parent. If I'm being completely honest (I didn't say this), I'm not sure I'd want a kid with a family like that. Aggro over spilled f-ing flavored water.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
I would have done what you did. Its a party, not boot camp. Those people will be treating you the way they treat him if you marry her.
Sad_Rel (OP)
Honestly it was eye opening. I love my girlfriend but that was disgusting. Mu respect for my gf has waivered quite a bit.
NTA. You do realize you can’t have a child with your girlfriend now? She supports this behavior, thinks it’s acceptable and will do it to her own children. If you have children with her - those are its grandparents. They will treat your future child the same way, and she will always let it happen.
Sad_Rel (OP)
Honestly that's really what's going through my head more than anything.
Even my gf doesn't seem to have had too much of an issue.
NTA but be aware your girlfriend seems to think this is an appropriate way to treat children. For me that would be enough to end the relationship because I could never have a child with someone who could treat them that way, if you intend to stay childfree forever it may be fine, but get a vasectomy so there are no oops babies.
NTA. Always put trash in their place, you are right in everything my bro, you are much more of a man than most people twice your age. If you marry into a family like that... well don't complain later.
Sad_Rel (OP)
True. Its something thinking hard about. I'm not against giving out. There are times when it's probably necessary but if someone did that to my future kid over something so small, I'd be an effing nightmare.
I hear you. If they’re freaking out over something so small, just imagine how they'd react to bigger things. Definitely worth thinking about before diving in too deep.
Think about this. If that’s what they do and say to that kid in public over something that small, imagine how he’s being treated and “disciplined” in private. They expected you to back them and agree with them on that. Imagine what happens at home. And what they punish him for. That is an abusive family right there. Adults who “bully” children are abusers abusing children. And it’s high time we call it what it is.
Tell your gf, “once and for all NO I will not apologize for intervening in abuse. I will not allow abuse in my home, I will not apologize for intervening in abuse when I see it happening. And frankly I’m not sure I’m comfortable with someone who is an abuse apologist as a partner so I think we might need to talk this out more but I’m absolutely not apologizing.” NTA.