'AITA for telling my MIL she cannot attend our daughter's graduation.' 'She's obnoxious.'
"AITA for telling my MIL she cannot attend our daughter's graduation?"
My husband has always had a tumultuous relationship with his mother. He'd always been treated as a disappointment where as his sister was the "princess". If it were up to him, we'd have no contact with her whatsoever.
We have 2 girls (17 & 14). Family has always been important to me as I was raised by a single mom and only had one other sibling. My mother passed 11 years ago so MIL is all they have as a grandmother. Any time we spend with her is only because I facilitate it. She's loud, rude and obnoxious.
As the girls have gotten older, they've requested that she not attend sports events because she will be quite vocal and down right abusive to officials. I've told her countless times that if she doesn't behave herself that the girls (and teams) will be penalized. Her go to response? "But I'm Nana" and laughs it off.
My SIL is not as bad as MIL but she absolutely has a very high and mighty attitude. If she feels you are not worthy enough to be in her life, she will cut ties. A few years ago she married a well off man and had a son. Since then she's systematically cut off almost the entire family, including us, as we "don't bring value to her future."
My daughters were devastated by this as they had grown close to my SIL and don't understand why she'd stop talking to them. My MIL is very involved in the life of SIL and her son. Any time we see her, she monopolizes the conversations with talks of SIL and her son.
If the girls try to tell her about accomplishments they've made, it's countered with "Well that's ok, Grandson did....". Even on birthdays or special occasions, MIL will bring them up and make it "The SIL & Son Show." Most recently our youngest made her Confirmation.
MIL met us outside the church and immediately said "I slept over SIL's house and Grandson didn't want me to leave. He said 'You stay with me Nana'. Here. This is a cross made out of 24k gold. It was really expensive."
Our youngest is graduating and REALLY doesn't want MIL there. I've told MIL that if the graduation is being held inside due to bad weather, we've only got 3 tickets but I would forward her the link to the live stream. She laughed and said "I'll be there."
I reiterated to her that my husband, myself and her sister will be using the three tickets. She coined her famous phrase of "I'm Nana. I'll get in." This statement sent my daughter into a tailspin. She started to cry saying that she was scared that MIL was going to cause a scene trying to get in without a ticket and ruin her day.
My husband feels that with his mother's actions she trying to get our girls to compete with his sister and nephew for her "love". His solution is to cut her off from us completely. So, AITA for telling MIL not to come to the graduation if it's held inside?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
HotFox4151 said:
Stop holding on to this ridiculous notion that just because she’s the only grandparent left she needs to be in your children’s lives. Your children don’t want her. Your husband doesn’t want her.
Please start listening to your family and stop wanting her. She is awful and you really need to see that your adult husband and almost adult children want should come first here.
If you don’t tell her where/when things are happening she won’t know about them and therefore won’t go and ruin things for your nuclear family and friends. As for the graduation - lie and tell her the date has changed - you owe it to your daughter to do this.
superflex said:
YTA for continuing to advocate for her to be in your lives, period. Deal with your "no family, raised by a single parent" issues on your own. Your daughters evidently don't like her, and your husband wanted to cut her off years ago. The only holdout here is you. Your MIL is ultimately the problem, but you aren't far behind for continuing to enable her.
Outside-Place2857 said:
YTA for forcing your family to put up with her ridiculous behaviour because you have issues. I get that not having family is hard, but you're forcing your husband and children to be in contact with a crazy woman, just because you need therapy.
No_Promise9699 said:
NTA for this but definitely YTA for keeping her around period. Your daughters don't want her around. Your husband doesn't want her around, and honestly, whether or not she was around to begin with should have been his decision.
You are forcing your family to interact with someone they don't like because family matters? The only thing you're doing is teaching your daughters that if someone shows repeated bad behavior and boundary crossing, they have to just deal with it.
Family matters when they act like they have some sense and show that they love and respect you. Your MIL should not be in their lives. You need to start listening to your actual family.
heatseekingdinosaurs said:
YTA - For forcing your family to interact with this ahole. Nobody but you wants her around but you keep dragging her in to fuck up everyone's life. Why? Do you hate your family?
PolarGCNips said:
NTA. Should've cut her off years ago. Sounds like you've talked with her repeatedly about her behavior and that's bad enough...but all this weird SIL shit when SIL cut you out of her life? Why the hell are you putting up with this? Do everyone a favor and cut this bitch...out of your life.