Eldest daughter says she is fed up with being 'family servant and baby factory.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my mom I don’t want kids & making her cry in front of her immediate family?"
areyouthupercereal
I 34f have never wanted to have children. As the eldest daughter of 4, I was always expected to help her take care of my siblings. I have two brothers 31m/32m and one sister 29f.
Growing up, it felt like my own wants and needs were pushed aside to help my siblings. There was resentment that grew in my youth because my parents supported them in their interests while mine basically got the back burner.
My mom worked as a neonatal nurse. She told me about the teenage patients and what they had to go through; complications and all. It was a scare tactic that still haunts me to this day.
My dad’s mom had him when she was a teen so they were constantly worried about my sister and I. I’ve been adamant about my stance for decades. This isn’t news. My dad doesn’t care but my mom has told me on numerous occasions that it breaks her heart.
Last weekend, my 5 aunts and uncles, 6 cousins, and their babies (3) came out for a family reunion. I was put on helping duty. Not going to lie, it stung to watch my siblings hang out and play games with everyone.
The food was prepared at my moms house, I drove it over, and served it, drove it back, and finished cleaning. Granted my mom and sister did help with the cooking, but I did the rest. I parked my car & went out to play sand volleyball and that’s where the tension began.
My mom asked me in front of everyone if I was done. I said yes and went onto the court. She stood with her arms crossed the entire time. It was a fun night. Eventually, the park closed. My siblings and cousins helped clean the park. More tension. My mom invited my aunts and uncles over for wine and my cousins went back to their hotels.
I went back to my mom’s house to grab my bags from the night before. They were around the table and one of my uncles mentioned that my cousin was pregnant with her 2nd.
After the initial rejoice my mom said “that must be nice, my daughter wants to torture me and not give me any babies”. Mind you, my brothers have families and she already has 3 grandchildren.
I jokingly reminded her that I’m single, first comes love then comes marriage then…you know the rest. Maybe it was the wine talking but she started getting upset and said that I was doing it on purpose.
My aunts started chiming in saying that it’s “every mother’s dream to watch her own daughter create her own family” and asked me if I didn’t want to “make her proud”.
I had enough. I said I’m my own person and I don’t live for her wants and all of her horror stories from the hospital made me never want to endure childbirth. She yelled “oh so it’s my fault?” Before crying and running into her room.
My aunts and uncles looked at me like I just kicked a dog. My aunts started yelling and calling me selfish. I left. Word got back to my siblings and my brother asked me why I couldn’t have just gone along with it to save face. My mom refuses to talk to me for embarrassing her. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Apart-Ad-6518
NTA 100%.
"It stung to watch my siblings hang out and play games with everyone. The food was prepared at my moms house"
She still expects you to do everything. You've already been a parent to your siblings. She manipulates and guilt trips you. She scared the s**t out of you about childbirth. It's her fault for pushing you to breaking point in front of your family after enduring her manipulative B S forever. Go with what's right for you including going NC with her if you have to. All the best to you.
aonstarry
She already got grandchildren from her other kids, why is she still whinging.
Apart-Ad-6518
Because she's an A H who sees her daughter as social currency not a person?
Shadva
NTA. You got stuck on helping duty instead of getting to visit and chat with the rest of the family. When you finally got done with that and joined the Volleyball, your mom copped an attitude.
Add to that, she tried to shame you into having children in front of your entire family, even after being told several times that the answer was NO. She didn't get upset because she'd had too much wine, she got upset because her f'ed up tactic backfired in her face.
I know that they're your family and you love them, but it seems that the only use they have for you is childcare, cooking, cleaning and having babies. They don't see you as a person at all, they just expect you to fulfill their wants and needs. Do with that what you will. I'll reiterate, NOT the Ahole.
FixThick8901
As one ‘helper’ to another, drop the damned rope. I was you, but now I’m 68. I was 42 before I fell in love (finally) and shed all my parents’ expectations. I never had my own kids, either.
But I got my fill of that from the age of 8. Too much to unpack in a Reddit post, but you don’t owe anybody anything. I had a large, loving, well-meaning family, too. All they wanted was for me to keep holding the rope so everybody could have their fun. You don’t have to stop loving any of them, just love yourself MORE.
mugcupcinnamonroll
Reminds me of my mom. I was never allowed to be in a room with a boy growing up. There was a rule that there had to be three other people in the room at any given time, one of whom had to be a parent.
Then I turned 18 and she’s lecturing me for being so rude as to refuse her efforts to hook me up with her coworkers’ sons.I had never spent time with boys before, and adapted to the lifestyle that was forced on me.
Why would I suddenly want to be around boys when I had it burned into my brain that it was borderline illegal? 37 years old, single and living my best life. I have got to wonder what she thought was going to happen. Same for your mom, too, NTA, and I hope the harassment stops, OP. You deserve better than a mother like that.