'AITA for telling my mom I won't be coming home for Christmas or any holiday?'
"AITA for telling my mom I won't be coming home for Christmas or any holiday?"
When I went to pre-k I met a girl called Amy. We became BFFs right away and were always together. She was really close to my mom and I was really close to her parents. When Amy and I were 5, her mom died. It was really sudden and Amy was sad for so long after.
She was the chattier friend of the two of us but in that time I became that so she didn't have to be. We spent more time together than usual because her dad wanted her to have a friend close. As we got older I told her about my dad, how he never wanted to know me, and I confided that I didn't think my grandma liked me very much because of how mad she seemed when she told me about my dad.
I confided in her about how much it hurt to be unwanted and rejected and how I wished I could have a dad and a bigger family more than anything. Amy said she wished we were sisters and the two of us jokingly called each other that by the time we were 8. We had so many sleepovers we might as well have been sisters because we were together more than we were apart.
When we were 10, her dad and my mom started dating and everything fell apart. Amy's whole wishing we were sisters thing wasn't so true and she hated my mom for being with her dad. She started hating me as well. Over the next year and a half while my mom and Amy's dad dated Amy started bullying me.
I begged my mom not to be with Amy's dad anymore because it was so upsetting and stressful for me and Amy turned so hateful to both of us. Mom got mad and said she deserved to be happy.
After mom and Amy's dad got married Amy's treatment of me and mom got worse. Amy even started spreading around school the stuff about my dad and my grandma and she'd say in front of others that I was never going to have a dad because even the one who was supposed to love me did everything not to be my dad.
She said I was broken and unlovable. At home she was so hateful and would get in my face and mock me and tell me she wished my mom had died instead of hers. She even accused me of making my mom and her dad get married.
When we didn't have school to go to it was worse. 2020 to early 2022 was awful. I graduated high school in May and I won a scholarship through this program I was a part of.
I get a year paid for 100% and I can possibly get 80% for each year after if I meet certain criteria. So I moved out of state for college and now that I'm here...I don't want to go back. My mom didn't protect me. Amy dad's didn't protect me. They put their happiness first and it's not that I don't believe they should be happy but it came at our expense and mostly mine because Amy would not leave me alone.
My mom started calling me a week ago, which is the first I've heard from her in months, and she was talking about Christmas and I told her I wasn't going home for Christmas or any holiday. She got so mad that I ended the call but she texted saying I can't run away from this. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
CharKrat said:
NTA…tell your mom you’re not running away. Tell her you’re starting a new life where you are. A place you feel secure and happy. And that at “home” you don’t feel protected or loved. So why would you want to go back to a place with bad memories and stress.
Cute-Profession9983 said:
NTA but the parents involved are. Not only selfish, but neglectful. Your mom didn't protect you and her dad didn't parent her. You can tell mom, "Hey, I don't understand why you're so mad. When I was being terrorized for YEARS in my own home, you did nothing to protect me because you wanted to be happy. Well, now you get to be happy.
The consequence of your happiness is a lack of my presence, because I'm not going to allow myself to be attacked by your happiness' daughter anymore. You chose the d over me, and I hope you're as happy as you wanted to be. I'm happy to not be involved in the house of horrors you created for me." But like, with more brevity...
No_Cockroach4248 said:
Tell your mom, you deserved to be happy and you are very happy not going home. NTA, your mom did not protect you and Amy’s father did nothing to stop Amy. You have every right to set boundaries with all three.
PassComprehensive425 said:
NTA- Now that you're not home, Amy has had to change who to throw her venom at. Amy is likely been rotating between making your mom and SD absolutely miserable and telling them horrible lies about you.
You're an adult, you never have to step foot in that house again. Your mom chose her happiness over you. Now you're choosing yourself over them. Seek internships and other programs constantly so that you don't have to go home for any breaks. Maybe get a new number and email so you effectively go NC with your mom.
Danube_Kitty said:
NTA. I wouldn't go back either for anything else than taking important documents or so. If you don't have to go back, don't. You are not running from anything. You have left abuse and neglect. Congratulations. This internet stranger is very proud of you.
NoctSilk said:
NTA, prioritize your mental health. Been there, choosing peace over toxic family dynamics is valid.
lilmissspetite said:
NTA. You’re not running away—you’re setting boundaries after years of being hurt and unsupported. Your mom prioritized her happiness over your well-being, and now it’s your turn to prioritize yourself.