'AITA for telling my mom she can't share a room or a bed with her boyfriend in my home?'
"AITA for telling my mom she can't share a room or a bed with her boyfriend in my home?"
When I (27f) was in college I met my boyfriend and we moved in together, sharing a place with some friends, after dating for a year. I was 19 when we met and 20 when we moved in together.
We decided from that point onward to take turns spending Christmas with our families. But the first year we were supposed to see mine, my mom made it clear my boyfriend could not stay and and we weren't sharing a room or a bed in her house.
My dad argued in favor of letting it happen since I was an adult and living with him already but mom said no. She hated that I wouldn't stay at their house then and instead booked an Airbnb.
She said I should respect the rules of her house and I told her I was, but I didn't want to tell my boyfriend to be alone on the holidays and especially when his family had welcomed us together happily.
After that I made it clear there would be no coming to visit like that if I couldn't sleep with my boyfriend. My mom said it wasn't like we were married so she had every right to that rule.
Two years ago my dad died and for 11 months my mom has been in a relationship with her boyfriend. They don't live together exactly but according to my brother he was there most nights while he was still there.
My mom and brother aren't really talking right now. My brother could hear mom and her boyfriend in bed and he hated it so he moved out. He's also 22 and had wanted to but it gave him the push to move.
My mom was furious and demanded to know why he was leaving out of nowhere and she freaked when my brother told her he was tired of hearing them. It started mom off on him not being happy for her that she found someone again after dad died.
My mom seems to be missing my brother being around and she told me she misses having her kids around her so she wanted to visit for a week or two soon. She wanted to bring her boyfriend along and I told her she can't share a room or a bed with him in my home.
I told her I do not want to hear that. She got mad at me and said she's a grown woman and should be allowed her freedom. I told her she was alright denying it to me and I wasn't even planning to have sex in her house.
But it sounded like she doesn't care if we hear or not and I'm not dealing with it. I also told her I wasn't going to reward her with sharing with her boyfriend when she has been so strict with me about it. My mom accused me of acting like a petty child. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA. What goes around comes around.
Your mom:
"One rule for thee and another for me."
As an adult hanging out with my mom:
Mom: Want to stop and grab something eat?
Me: There's food at the house . . .
Oh, how the turn tables. Bwuahahaha
When mom is visiting, turn off the TV halfway through a program she is watching and announce:
"Sorry, it's 10:30 pm. Bedtime."
Your house your rules, if she doesnt like it she can rent an air bnb.
NTA.
Its not like they are married so you have every right to make that rule.
Your mom has her boyfriend over nearly every night and is apparently quite loud and can be heard clearly, why would she miss having her kids around? Sounds to me like she wants free holiday accommodation for two. NTA, your house, your rules.
Temporary-Truth-1969 (OP)
I don't think she expected to hardly ever see her kids. Even when I moved she had my brother but he doesn't see her at all now and I don't live that close. So I think that's a part of it. Hell, from the fight her and my brother had it sounds like she wants us to hear her with him.
What did she say to your brother? 😳
Temporary-Truth-1969 (OP)
She told him it was a very bad reason/excuse to move out and that we should be happy for her. My brother told her being happy for her was different than hearing her go at it with someone. She told him that was proof he wasn't happy for her.
And I don't know how to take that honestly. It's why it feels like some weird and twisted part of her wants us to hear. The other thing is she never even tried to deny they were loud. She just acted like not wanting to hear it meant he was unsupportive.
NTA. Your mom set the rules first, so she doesn’t get to call you petty for holding her to the same standard. If she didn’t respect your relationship back then, why should you make exceptions for hers now? Sounds like karma.
NTA, in the same way you had to follow her rules if you stayed under her roof, she has to follow yours if she wants to stay under your roof.
Wait a minute, wasn’t she trying to teach you this incredibly critical Value? Then NTA because she should be living up to her own Values. Yeah, she’s mad she won’t be to sleep with boyfriend in your house but she’s also mad at being called out for her hypocrisy.
NTA. It will be marked as petty, but I think this is honestly what most children need to do. Most parents don't see their children as what they are, growing people, until they're married and have a house and kids. Reaffirming this boundary that SHE set either leads to conversation as to why she did it to you or as to why she thinks she's above her own morals.