'AITA for telling my brother's fiancée she's not welcome at our family dinner?' 'The breaking point came last Sunday.'
"AITA for telling my brother's fiancée she's not welcome at our family dinner?"
I'm a 20-year-old woman with a big, close-knit family. We have a tradition of having Sunday family dinners every week, which everyone looks forward to. Recently, my older brother, Mike, got engaged to his fiancée, Lisa. While I want to be happy for them, there's a significant issue: I don't get along with Lisa at all.
Lisa and I have very different personalities. She’s very opinionated and often makes remarks that come off as judgmental or insensitive. At first, I tried to get to know her better and give her the benefit of the doubt, but it hasn't worked. She constantly criticizes our family traditions, the way we cook, and even our choice of topics during dinner conversations.
The breaking point came last Sunday. We were having a lovely dinner when Lisa started complaining about the food, saying it wasn't up to her standards and that we should consider changing our traditional recipes to something more "modern." This really upset my mom, who spends hours preparing these meals and takes pride in her cooking.
After dinner, I pulled Lisa aside and told her that her comments were hurtful and that she needed to be more respectful of our family traditions. She brushed me off, saying that she was just trying to help us improve. Frustrated, I told her that if she couldn't be respectful, she wasn't welcome at our family dinners anymore.
Mike overheard the conversation and got really angry with me. He said I was being rude and unreasonable and that Lisa is going to be part of our family, so we need to accept her. My parents are upset, too, because they don’t want any family drama, especially during our cherished dinners.
I feel conflicted because I don't want to cause a rift in the family, but I also don't want to sit through more dinners with Lisa making everyone uncomfortable. Some of my friends say I did the right thing by standing up for my family, while others think I should have been more diplomatic.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
chrono_explorer said:
Hahaha oh my god he has the gall to call you rude and unreasonable when this woman comes to someone else’s house and criticizes the FREE food and not only that but then says the conversation isn’t up to her standards. If she has such high standards she can go to wherever that caters to her and not with people who she basically considers beneath her. NTA.
sassychubzilla said:
Nta. One of those families where everyone keeps quiet to avoid being uncomfortable? Even though she's the one being disrespectful and inconsiderate, hurting feelings, you're the one who gets crapped on. You may need to avoid family dinners and let them have her for awhile. Let them get their fill of her so when you return, maybe they'll be relieved that you tell her to stuff it.
Distinct_Acadia_2912 said:
Next time she does it, confront her at the table. Ask her why she's so rude, and why she doesn't stay away if she doesn't like it. Start a fight. She needs it. NTA.
AubreyRivera79 said:
Absolutely NTA. It's quite astounding how some individuals, once given a seat at the dinner table, assume it's their place to turn into all-knowing food and conversation critics. Kudos to you for standing up to that. Sure, if it's not your house, maybe you're not the one to enforce house rules, but it's certainly your right to call out disrespect when it's served to you on a platter.
What's up with folks lacking basic dinner etiquette these days? If Lisa's going to persist with her unsavory comments, she might just find herself on the menu for discussion. Maybe it's high time the “distinguished guest” learns that a pinch of gratitude is the perfect seasoning for any meal served with kindness.
I'd suggest, next family gathering, having a calm sit-down with your brother, or even better, the whole family. Open up a candid discussion about respect and boundaries.
If Lisa's to be a part of this family, she's got to understand she's not at a restaurant - there's no service rating here, just family trying to enjoy each other's company. Remember, firm does not mean rude, it simply means you're holding your ground against blatant disrespect. NTA.
Foxy_mama_bear said:
NTA, your brother should be checking Lisa's rude obnoxious behavior instead of telling you that you're rude. Why is he okay with her disrespecting your mother and family traditions?
Freya1957 said:
NTA. I would comment to your brother on the side why don't he have his GF cook a family dinner to show everyone how it is done. Then give her the same treatment she gives your mother. I would be that petty. Also, consider giving the GF a copy of How To Win Friends and Influence People as well as a book on Etiquette as a wedding gift.