'AITA for telling my ex I'll keep paying off her mortgage only if she gives me her house?'

"AITA For Telling My Ex To Give Me Her House Or Go Homeless?"

I (36m) have one child, "Melissa" (14f), with my ex, "Jane" (39f). We were together for about a year when she got pregnant and expected me to marry her because of it. While I did agree that it would be best for us to move in together I never said that I would marry her and she didn't tell me that she expected me to propose until her final month of pregnancy and she yelled at me for not proposing sooner.

Due to the lack of communication and mass assumptions I set the record straight and said that I wouldn't marry a woman that I've only known for less than two years just because she was having my baby.

Cue the flying monkeys that were her parents, friends, etc. saying that I "needed to take responsibility" and "make an honest woman" out of her. I countered that if getting married, especially before the baby was born, was so important to her then she should've picked a different guy.

I also pointed out that I was taking responsibility when I moved in, agreed to pay all the bills because Jane didn't want to work while pregnant, attended the majority of doctor's appointments, all the birthing classes, and built the nursery.

Jane was so mad that she stormed out and didn't speak to me until after I she'd given birth. That ticked me off and I demanded a DNA test before signing the BC, and she was so bitter that I wouldn't marry her. By the time Melissa was 5 I had already taken Jane to court 7 times about custody and visitation.

Things got slightly better after Jane started dating again because I would nonchalantly imply that she was still in love with me and her boyfriend didn't respond well to that. She backed off and wouldn't fight me on my scheduled time. Eventually the guy gave her a ring but by then Melissa was enough to be vocal about wanting to spend time with me.

While I am glad that Jane found a new guy this man wasn't exactly a prize and always wanted something for nothing. He wanted to be his "own man" and own a business and that inherently wasn't bad but he was just bad at it. When the bank wouldn't give him a loan for his next business venture he convinced Jane to take a mortgage on her house and it failed.

Jane called me claiming to need more money for our daughter expenses and when I asked her for a detailed report she got upset and tried to guilt trip me. She said that she would take me to court but since she'd already gotten an increase 3 months ago I knew it would get denied. That's when Jane confessed to me about the mortgage and that if I didn't help Melissa would lose her home.

I countered saying that so long as I had a roof Melissa would never be homeless. Cue the flying monkeys again, then I told her that I would help with the loan payments AFTER she signed over the house to me.

I made this offer knowing that she wouldn't accept it, but prepared to do it, because I can say that I tried to help and so that our daughter won't be endanger of loosing her home because of her mom's stupid choices again. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

NTA. Who expects their ex to pay help out financially beyond the child money? You have a house, Melissa is 14, she can easily decide that she wants to live with you. Your child won't be homeless. If your ex wants to take Melissa to live on the streets, I suppose it's pretty easy to get the court to force Melissa to stay with you. You don't need to help her, they can move out, get a job each and pay a normal rent.

No-Policy-4095 said:

Regarding your offer - NTA - you're asking for collateral for the loan which is reasonable (and smart to protect yoursef)....at the end of the day, you're right that your daughter will not be homeless over this and her request is over the top ridiculous.

That whole divorce/custody situation sounds like a nightmare for your daughter with both of your petty squabbling.

[deleted] said:

ESH. Poor Melissa...

If_youdontbeatmetoit said:

ESH I think, I don’t know if there’s a better way through this mortgage situation and it seems like it would have happened with or without you ... “nonchalantly imply she was still in love with me” lol what

Stevie_Nicks_Kid said:

You’re not THE @$$hole but I can tell by your language you are an @$$hole.

buster_de_beer said:

When you say you want the house in your name, does that mean you are taking full, legal responsibility for the mortgage?

OP responded:

Yep. I'll take full responsibility for the mortgage and then once it's paid off I'll give it to my daughter."

Then he shared these edits to his original post:

1.) My ex made dumb choices and wants me to bail her out without getting anything in return just because I can and resent her for trying to use our daughter.

2.) As stated in the post my daughter can just live with me if her mom loses the house. I would never leave my own child homeless. Have no idea where you got that.

3.) Yes, the house would be completely in my name and I would sign it over to my daughter once the mortgage is paid off and she's of age. This is being done so her mom can't ransom the house anymore.

4.) Yes, technically my ex would become my tenant if she agreed and I would also make her sign and agreement or evict her.

5.) After years of manipulation, intentional harm, and scheming I am indifferent to the idea of my ex suffering.

6.) Me saying that she still had feelings for me was (admittedly) a tactic to get her boyfriend turned husband to get her to back off because of the constant hassle she gave me just to spend time with my daughter and maintain my legal rights as a parent. Going through the courts is expensive and takes up a lot of time. This was NOT about ego.