'AITA for telling my fiancé that my little brother is more important than him?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my fiancé that my little brother is more important than him?"

I'm 30f, and I'm currently two months pregnant with my first child and engaged to my fiancé of three years James (31), for little background when I was [15] my parents had my baby brother ; and five years after while I was (20) and Matt was (5), my parents and Matt were driving home when they got into an accident resulting in my parents' death.

After the accident I was completely destroyed and devastated, but I had to pull myself together to be there for my brother and the following month I buried my parents and with the help of my aunt and uncle I applied for guardianship of my brother it took about seven months before I was approved.

I had to get a stable job/income which I did, proper housing for me and my brother which I did by using money from my inheritance to buy a house and other little things, but in the end I got my guardianship of my brother. It was hard at first working while looking after my brother it's easy now but there are still its ups and downs, but I would do it all over again for my brother.

I met my fiancé when I was (27) at a gathering, and we just clicked after three months of dating he proposed to me at first I said no because I still have my brother to take care of but after thinking I said yes, and we agreed to wait until we were financially stable.

In the beginning of this year, we wanted to tie the knot since I was pregnant because I didn't want my baby to be born out of wedlock, and we started the preparations and the wedding is happening in October but from what happened last week Saturday night it looks like there isn't going to be a wedding.

There were many issues where we fought and resolved, for example the wedding date the date my fiancé wanted for the wedding was on my brother's birthday. I had a problem with that I wanted to throw my brother a big party because he is turning (14)...

So I offered the week after in which we argued, and he even ran to his mother to try to convince my but I stood my ground stating my brother's birthday is important to me and him there was a little more fighting, but we end up coming to a resolved.

Then there were the roles I wanted my brother to play in my wedding at first I offered my brother to be his best man, but he said he wanted his best friend I said ok, then I said ring boy he would hold the rings on the little pillow and bring it up to us, but James said he wanted his nephew I said okay and left it.

Saturday morning I was watching this tiktok video where the Bride asked her male best friend to her man of honor and I thought it was sweet so I decided to bring it to him, when he came home, I was in the kitchen while my brother was at sleepover at his friend's house that Saturday night, as he entered a sat, I said I have the perfect role for Matt.

What is that"-Him

"I thought he could be my man of honor and then both wedding parties then coming out as couples they can come out as singles"-Me

"WHAT"- Him

"Man of honor or I will call it my brother of honor it would be lovely"- Me

"But I thought you wanted my sister to be your maid of honor so that can't work"-Him

"I never agreed to this and what about my brother I want him to play some role in my wedding"- Me

"I was thinking he could be a guest and sit in the rows"- Him

I was completely shocked like I wanted my brother to be in my wedding and not some side guest, I didn't know what to say he wanted to put my brother on the side lines, his whole family was playing some part of the wedding and my most of my bridesmaids were his cousins only two was were close friends but this he couldn't grant me.

I stopped what I was doing and told him no it was my wedding too, and I wanted my brother to be my man of honor, and he started that his sister was better, and my brother would be guest, and he didn't want children in the wedding parties, I completely lost and started arguing with him from one thing to the next.

Since Saturday, he hasn't come home, only sending his brother to pick up some of his stuff, and his mother and sister have been blowing up my phone, but I'm a selfish woman and so what if my brother is a guest.

So the last time they called was Wednesday night and I went batsh%t crazy on both of them using language I'm not proud of but I end the call with (yes my brother is more important than him and this wedding if it's happening, and I will never put him in front of Matt, so I'm ; f**kin sorry and to let James contact me to talk things out).

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

IntroductionNo7686 said:

NTA. Pump the brakes on marrying this man baby who runs home to mommy when his temper tantrum doesn’t get him what he wants, then he has his family gang up on his pregnant girlfriend. He does not care about you, your wants or your needs. He is selfish, self centered, manipulative, a bully, abusive and honestly, a complete tool.

It seems you’re only marrying him because you don’t want your child born out of wedlock. Please reconsider. His mask is slipping since now he’s trapped you with a pregnancy and next a marriage.

You need to talk to your brother and see if your dipshit baby daddy has been saying anything to him, like threats or how things are going to be when he’s the man of the house. Based on what you’ve said, I bet he either has or has some grand plans as to how life will be in your home.

And for the love of god, do not put that man on the deed to your house. In fact, if you go through with the marriage, get a prenup. Bet he loses it when you do. You are a great mom to your brother and you did it all on your own.

He’s your child and you are absolutely, positively doing the right thing here. You will be a great mom to your baby as well. If you marry this man you’ll just be parenting another child.

Trick_Arugula_7037 said:

NTA. By his logic, your brother should be his best man, or at the very least, a groomsman, but he’s not offering that, is he?

riptidestone said:

NTA just a bit of life advice get rid of him now forever more major problems occur. He seems to be very controlling.

nick4424 said:

NTA. What your brother can do is basically take over the father of the bride duties. My grandfather died years ago and my father gave away my aunt and had a brother sister dance. But you seem to have a bigger problem in that your “fiancé” is trying to phase your brother out of your life.

He sounds like an evil stepfather. And his family sounds like they figured since your parents are out of the picture, it gives them free rein to do whatever they want. Before you get married the 2 of you need to talk about what things will be like with your brother in the future.

AcidReign25 said:

NTA. Sounds like you have yourself a combination Groomzilla and controlling ahole.

UnluckyYou3574 said:

NTA - he’s a waving red flags telling you who he is. Believe him. If you haven’t already contact a financial planner to protect your assets, your brother, and your child.

A month later OP came back with this udpate:

Hello everyone, I'm very sorry I didn't get to update it due to me being busy with work and cancelling every wedding preparation I made and preparing Matt for sports camp.

I would like everyone to know that I will not be marrying James, and we broke up, well on friday the week after posting my original post I got a message from James asking to meet and talk which I only agree to if I could pick the day that we can meet, in which he agreed too.

After picking a day which was Sunday were I knew that Matt wouldn't be home all day and I notified James, and he came around the midday period with his mother.

I was shocked when I opened the door letting them in, as they sat in my living room not saying a word for a few seconds which made the moment more awkward than James stated that he was sorry for leaving and staying away because he needed to think.

Then his mother started condemning me saying that I wasn't acting like a future wife and I should put my future husband's thoughts into consideration and a lot of other comments. My name I'm disappointed in you, you're getting married, and you need to stop acting like this to your future husband -She said to me.

I scoffed hearing that then turned to James asking what was his problem with my brother, and it has more to do with me showing attention to my brother then him, he sat there not saying a word for a while and the stated he wanted a life with me and the unborn child but not with Matt.

I felt utter disgust for him at that moment as he continued to say that after the wedding and having the baby he thought he would convince me that raising a baby and a teenager would be hard on both of us, and it would be best for me to send Matt to live with my uncle and aunt, but he would allow me to still support Matt financially.

I was completely shocked, and before he uttered anything else I told him sorry but no ; isn't happening and my brother isn't going anywhere.

I stood up and took off the ring handing it back to him and told him it was over after saying that both him and his mother got up arguing "that I didn't have to do that, and I will regret this" and he started to cry asking me to think about what I'm saying.

I just walked over to the door opened it and gestured for them to leave a few minutes past then they headed through the door with James crying and pleading while his mother was calling me some nasty names. And later on into the evening his sister and mother rang down my phone cussing me out, but I only told them to let James come for his remaining stuff.

There are a few things I would like to respond to.

1. I saw many ask why didn't I chose Matt to walk me down the aisle. I gave my uncle (my father's older brother) the role because after the whole funeral he was there helping me to acquire guardianship and just being there over the years for both me and Matt.

2. Furthermore, I made a mistake in my original post Matt is turning 15 this year I didn't see the typo, I'm truly sorry for that.

3. Many of you advise me to abort, so I wouldn't have any ties to James, but I'm sorry, I had to think, and I wouldn't do any abortion and I would carry the baby to full term.

4. As many of you stated I should sit down and talk to my brother and if James even mistreated him when I'm not around in which I did, but he said no that James mostly ignored him, and he does the same, plus I also told him the wedding is off.