'AITA for telling my GF I feel she is exploiting our sick son for financial gain?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my girlfriend I feel she is exploiting our sick son?"
Our son has a rare allergy disorder. Besides the occasional flare up he is the poster child for a healthy rambunctious 4 year old.
My girlfriend decided to start a gofundme account and a Facebook page where she sells shirts to fund us going to see a specialist. To see the specialist we need a referral and she hasn't gone to take him for the referral and it's been 3 months. Meanwhile she keeps updating her Facebook page asking for money.
I told her we can take the money and set it aside in a special account that we'll never touch unless it's to help fund our sons doctor cost. The gofundme raised a considerable amount of money, 90 % being from my friends and family. The Facebook page is moving along nicely and friends and family share it and I see people saying they've ordered and are happy to help.
After a month I asked where the gofundme money was and she said she hasn't done anything with it. I told her to move it into our savings. A month go's by and I ask her again where the money is. She blows up and tells me not to worry about it. A week later I tell her I feel like she's being shady and she deposits half the money in our savings. I ask her about the rest and she blows up again.
A day later she puts a little more in the account. A few days later I ask her about the Facebook page and sales associated with it and what she's doing with the money. She blows up again and at the point I've had enough.
I told her I wanted complete transparency. I wanted to know where all the Gofundme money is and she said it's all there in our account. She lied and said the actual number was alot less because Gofundme took about a third of the money raised. She also said the page hasn't made much...40 dollars.
I ask again for transparency and she blows up. That's when I told her I feel like she's exploiting our sick son for her financial gain. That's when she pulls the "How dare you say that,I would never!" I'm sure she has done something with the money. If she hasn't why would she resist being open about it yesterday.
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
eviefrye89 said:
Why haven't you taken your son to get the referral?
OP responded:
Mainly because she's a stay at home mom and I work 60 hours a week.
thesneakywalrus said:
According to their site, GoFundMe takes 2.9% plus $0.30 fee per donation. That's hardly a third unless people are donating $1 at a time. You also state that the site has made a "considerable" amount of money, then she state's that it only made $40. Which is it? You can see the money raised directly on the gofundme site. You can use the algorithm above to calculate exactly how much money there is.
OP responded:
No she has a Facebook page for our son and through it she shares links to her Bonfire.Com site where she sells items to raise money for medical cost. It's updated daily and shared by multiple friends and family but I don't have access to it and she doesn't disclose how much money she has made from it
In the comments, he wrote:
Our son does have Mast Cell Activation disorder I have been there during flare-ups was there the day we had the biopsy done to confirm Mast Cell Activation Disorder so it is real. I was also in the allergist office the very first time we ever heard the word mastocytosis.
She was the one that referred us to the dermatologist for the biopsy. The dermatologist and the allergist both told us they will give the referral as soon as we pick which specialist we want to see. The GF has be undecided and hasn't picked a specialist yet. I've tried to just pick the closet and take it from there but she wants to make the decision.
Our sun takes antihistamines every morning to keep his Mast Cell Activation in check. The specialist will help properly diagnosis which type of Mastocytosis he has . Honestly after doing lots of research we haven't found any real treatment besides antihistamines daily. Severe cases may require chemo. His case seems to be pretty manageable with the Antihistamines though.
He added:
I suspect she has BPD- borderline personality disorder. I'm going to get the referral myself. I just wish I could count on her more at home.
He later shared this small update:
I just saw she updated our sons page and told everyone I said she was exploiting our son. Now I'm being bashed by people that only know half truths. Thinking about blasting her there but I hate people that fight over Facebook. It's childish. I really don't know what to do.