'AITA for telling my husband that I will never drive with him in the car?' 'I am traumatized.'
"AITA for telling my husband that I will never drive with him in the car?"
I am 30F and don’t have a driver’s license. I grew up in a country where owning a car is not all that common. Moved to the US 5 years ago. Was a student for the first 2 years, so couldn’t afford driving lessons and didn’t have time to learn as well. Then I got married.
My husband has been driving since his teen years (he grew up in the same country as I did). My husband moved here about 10 years ago. He has taught all his friends driving. He has taught friends of friends driving. He forced me to learn to drive. Fair enough, gotta drive while I am in the US.
He told he would teach me, I was so excited. But the yelling wouldn’t stop. Every time I tried to get behind the wheel, we would end up coming home with me crying. This was…3 years ago!
It was so bad that at this point I am traumatized to drive. I enrolled myself in a driving school 2 years ago. 10 hrs worth of driving lessons. Costed about $600. I did well and the trainer said I am good and just need to practice. But whom would I practice with? My husband.
I don’t have any close friend here whom I can ask for this favor. Again the yelling and I have eventually lost all the confidence. Today we tried again and as usual I got scolded for putting our lives at risk by not taking the turn faster. I immediately pulled over and asked him to drive.
Once we came home, I told him that let it cost a thousand dollars or two thousand dollars, I will go to the driving school and practice with them and get my license, and I shall never drive again with my husband in the car, unless it is an emergency. He got so furious and shouted at me. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
solicitedopinions said:
NTA and is he like this in other parts of your life? Even if he isn't (which I find hard to believe, if he's okay treating you like this in the car), the fact you have come home crying every time and he has done nothing to change his behavior is concerning.
Honestly, you need to consider if he's abusive and if you feel safe with him. It is not okay how he treated you nor is it productive. The worst thing to do with a new driver is to stress them out more. And you are not the AH for setting a reasonable boundary. You weren't being rude. He was being more than rude.
Flagrant_Digress said:
NTA. I was in a similar situation when I learned to drive. One parent would yell and scold and I'd get flustered and make mistakes and it always felt like a test. My other parent was much more helpful and was better at correcting mistakes without yelling.
It sounds like you have clearly communicated the aspects of his driving instruction that you do not like. If he can't adjust his teaching to make it helpful to you, then you should be able to pursue drivers ed that's actually constructive for you.
After all, the goal is for you to earn your license and be able to drive on your own. It kinda seems like he's mad that you aren't going to put up with his yelling and scolding anymore.
thepatriot74 said:
Try to ask people whom he taught to return you a favor and drive around with you. I get that some people become obnoxious backseat drivers almost involuntarily (still not excuse), but your husband is a crystal clear AH because he does not even want to apologize for yelling after returning home with you. This is not good for you future married life. NTA.
reversegirlcow said:
NTA, but your husband absolutely is. I would sit down with him and tell him point blank that the way he behaved in the car is unacceptable and you will not tolerate it ever again, regardless of the context.
Screaming to the point of breaking someone down to tears is insane behavior, and it's even more baffling that he's unable to recognize it. He needs to take accountability for this behavior and promise to never do it again, or you will leave (imo).
Hryshko_ said:
You're NTA, he is though. This is so not okay from him. He shouts at you until you end up crying, and then yelled at you some more when you told him what you're going to do so you don't have to listen to his yelling and shouting at you all the time when you're learning how to drive. We all have to start somewhere when we're learning something new.
hadMcDofordinner said:
NTA. Don't have children for now. Your husband is happy to scream and yell at you while he "teaches" you something, that's not normal behavior. He needs to apologize. If you stay married, you are right, do not drive with him as the passenger. I bet he hates losing at Monopoly as well. He has a rigid personality, so beware.
Giggly_Melody said:
NTA. Your husband's approach is hurting your confidence, and it's reasonable to want to practice without the stress he brings. Getting lessons from a professional is a smart solution.