'AITA for telling my husband I won't be getting up in the morning to make his lunches?'

"AITAH for telling my husband I will not be getting up in the morning and making his lunches for him?"

So my husband works 8-5 Monday-Friday. I work varying schedule usually 4-5 days a week and it’s evening/night shift position. Sometimes I work 6pm-12am and sometimes it’s 9pm-5am.

We have an 8 month old and a 3 year old. I am very very tired whenever I have an overnight shift but still take care of the kids through the day and maybe catch 1-2 hour nap when kids nap. I still make dinner every night. I still make sure the house is clean and dishes are done even when I know I’m going straight to work when he gets home.

For the last 5 years I have got up at 6-7 am and packed my husbands lunch for his work day. If I DONT pack a lunch for him I get guilt tripped about it. Or when we are struggling to make ends meet he will go spend 15 dollars out of 60 bucks we have left for lunch and tell me,

“sorry you should of got up to make my lunch” so he will be eating a big nice burger while me and the kids are surviving off canned foods or cereal from my wic card.

I told him last night he’s going to have to start making his own lunch. I tried to make a deal and said ONLY WHEN our 8 month old starts actually sleeping through the night will I get up and make his lunch. She still gets up 3 times a night. Definitely not like our first because he was sleeping 10+ hours straight by 4 months.

I said I genuinely feel like a shell of a person because I don’t get any sleep some days and days I don’t work my sleep is still broken up sleep and definitely not 8 hours. He says we are just going to have to figure a way to work it in his budget so he can buy lunch everyday. New flash that isn’t going to work.

I write the budget and we barely have any wiggle room have rent, utilities, gas, student loans,food, diapers, wipes, and just basic living expenses. We definitely won’t have enough to cover 15 dollars 20 days a month for his big burger he likes to get.

He says my schedule is way more “laid back” and he works so hard through the week and he has to get up and actually get dressed in the morning so he won’t have time to make his lunch. And since I’m already home and usually is my comfy clothes I should still be able to get up and make his lunch.

The problem is when I get off at 5am I really just wanna go right to sleep and try and get a few hours before the kids get up. And days I get home at 12am I still would like to sleep and if I get up to make his lunch I’m usually stuck awake for the rest of the day and can’t get back to sleep. AITAH for trying to make this deal? Or should my husband be a big boy and just make his own lunch?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Vast_Zebra_9625 said:

I don’t even have to read all of this, NTA. If he wants a daily lunch, he can prep it before going to bed!

No-Housing-5124 said:

NTA and so much more. OP, this is about so much more than "lunch." This is about the way your husband thinks about you, your labor, your rest, your quality of life, the food that everyone "deserves" to eat based on their status, and, of course, his position in the household. He is only using "lunch" as the language to express his real feelings. Do you know what I mean?

Top_Put1541 said:

If this grown man is under the delusion his primary value is bringing home the money, and he’s not making enough to feed his children — which he’s not, the government is — and he’s not an equal partner in raising his children or doing the housework … what is the point of having him around? He brings nothing to your family that you can’t do without if he’s not there.

Apprehensive-Cat6006 said:

I feel that all of these comments are under reacting. He is essentially sleep depriving you. He is punishing you by blowing the budget that you manage if you don’t get up, making it so you and your kids don’t have enough to eat. Sleep deprivation is an abuse tactic.

He is testing your limits to see if you will continue to literally deprive yourself of a necessary human function in order to please him. It sounds like he has some major control issues and a serious lack of empathy. NTA, and if I were you I’d be divorcing his ass fast.

And Hot-Ad7703 said:

Jesus Christ, thank you for reminding me why I want to stay single forever. You are taking care of 3 children.

Edited to add:

I thought it would be worth mentioning that it didn’t always feel this imbalanced. My husband had the best paying job in a 60 mile radius when we planned our second. We were really comfortable and I was a SAHM. Hence why I did not mind getting up and making his lunches. When we were 4 months pregnant the plant announced their shut down and officially closed when she was 2 months old.

I got a job really quick. So this issue about the lunches has only been an issue for the past five months. Also to the weirdos saying I can take out the trash and clean the gutters now since I won’t be making his lunch. I already do those “manly” jobs. The difference is I don’t have to wait till he gets home to do it by myself. I take the kids with me and let them enjoy outside time while I take care of those things.