'AITA for telling my mom how my husband humiliated me?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my mom how my husband humiliated me?"
I (f24) am a big believer in save your arguments between your own relationship, so long as they are solvable. I feel this way because I wouldn't tell someone every little argument between my husband (m34) and I, because then it just clouds the waters. My husband feels the same too.
However, what he did to me a few days ago made me run to my mom's house and not leave since. Basically, I was leaving work, and I called my husband to please fill up the Brita water thing, since he leaves it empty a lot of the time. My water bottle was empty for the day and I was thirsty, that's all.
Well, he had an attitude on the phone because apparently, he had already done it and I was "nagging." I told him it's not nagging when 99 percent of the time, it's not full. So, when I got home, I chugged some water and sat down for a while. About an hour later, he got into the shower.
I heard him in there and I really had to pee. I knocked on the door- which is usually never a problem - but he wouldn't let me in. So, I waited. 10, 20, 30, 40 mins passed, and he is still not out. By that time, I was on the verge of wetting my pants so I banged on the door. He told me oh well, I made my bed by being rude over the water, and now I have to lie in it.
I was so angry that I said fine then, f-k you, and stormed towards the door to go to a store and use their bathroom. My husband literally raced me there and manhandled me into our bedroom.
He locked me in there for another two hours. I peed my pants in there because I had no choice, it was that bad. I was absolutely wailing when he finally let me out and I didn't even stop to change before I grabbed my keys and went to my mom's house.
It's been 15 years since I cried in my mom's arms like that. I was mortified, enraged, hurt, everything. I didn't go back that night and I haven't gone back since, it's only been two days. My husband called me to apologize and has promised me a million and one ways he's gonna make it up to me.
That was, until he found out I told my mom what happened. He yelled at me for it. I don't know what to do. I feel so bad for breaking our trust like that, but then again, he literally humiliated me over some argument about a Brita.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
HumbleAd1317 said:
Get rid of that MF! Right now, I can't think of anything nice to say to that ahole!! You're better than that!
Mickeynutzz said:
NTA. That was felony preventing you from leaving the room and /or for calling emergency services. Your thinking is NOT clear regarding the incident. Likely because you have reduced self-esteem from being a victim in an abusive relationship for the past 3 years. Get counseling!!
PLEASE Do NOT make any BABIES with this man! Curious how this relationship began. I fear his true color are becoming more clear and they are not pretty. STAY SAFE. Plan an exit strategy. Keep talking to your Mom and other close friends. Do not allow yourself be isolated from them.
Hovercraftianmonster said:
This was planned. He planned to humiliate you and make wet yourself. He wanted to degrade you for daring to call him and ask to fill up the water jug for you because you were thirsty.
Not only did he sit in the shower for an ungodly amount of time WITH THE WATER RUNNING, which is a sound that enforces the need to go, when you were going to make alternative arrangements for toileting he RAN OUT AND MANHANDLED YOU AND KEPT YOU IN YOUR ROOM FOR 2 HOURS! What kind of sick SOB does this? How on earth does someone make up for this?
Now something I will say is that people like this thrive in silence. They are protected by people not talking about their actions, their behaviours. This is not telling tales, this is telling your truth and experience.
He's so mad about it because he can't keep his shiny shiny image if you tell. Staying quiet does not benefit you. If he wanted to appear good in other people's eyes, he should do good deeds and not this controlling crazy 'I want to teach you a lesson' behavior. NTA.
abra_stone said:
That’s psychotic. I’m so glad you told your mom. Stay with her and divorce this guy now before it turns really, really bad (and this is just absolutely terrible! I’m so sorry this happened OP).
Prestigious_Abalone said:
NTA. It's good you told your mom. Now tell the cops and tell a divorce lawyer. What he did was not only sadistic, it was a felony.
RedApplesForBreak said:
I’m sorry, he what? Leave. Leave now. NTA. But also, please leave immediately.
UPDATE:
I really don't even know what to say, I didn't expect anyone to see my stupid post, let alone 4k comments. I am sorry to those I accidentally triggered, that wasn't my intention at all. I don't know what I am going to do. I am so confused and so hurt to learn that literally majority of people think that my husband abuses me.
I don't think he does but I have been doing a lot of reflecting. My mom is with me still and my husband and i have had a long conversation at her home. He suggested therapy. I think I am going to try. Thank you for all of your concern.