'AITA for telling my SIL to stay home from a family 4th of July gathering if her dog hates fireworks?'

"AITA for telling my SIL to stay home from a family 4th of July gathering if her dog hates fireworks?"

Every year my family gets together at our lake property for 4th of July. This year, my brother and his wife are driving here from out of state. They haven't joined us for a 4th since before the pandemic. Brother and SIL don't have kids, but SIL has a dog that she calls her baby. Yes, she refers to herself as a dog mom.

Earlier this week, SIL sent a message to our family group chat telling us that she would prefer if no one bought fireworks for this weekend since her dog is afraid of loud noises.

I'm not disagreeing with anything regarding the dog, our dog doesn't like fireworks either and he's a hunting dog who has been around gun shots his entire life.

And since fireworks are expensive, we don't usually buy anything big. We'll usually get the small stuff that just stays on the ground for the kids to enjoy. However, the city that the lake is on goes all out on a big fireworks display.

We also have zero control over what anyone else on the lake does for fireworks. The past few years our neighbors on both sides have developed kind of a rivalry to see who can get the best fireworks.

I don't mind because we get to enjoy the show without spending any money. And they are also respectful about not doing fireworks late at night, once it hits 1015-1030pm, they shut it down for the night.

I responded to SIL's message with this information. Basically, telling her that we don't buy a lot of big fireworks, but our neighbors do, and we have zero control over that.

She asked if it would be possible to talk to them about it before they arrive to see if they are willing to tone things down this year. I told her I would not be doing that since they have always been respectful about their fireworks use.

She started to list off all the things that happens to her dog when it's around loud noises and instead of addressing all of those things, I told her that maybe it would be best if they boarded the dog for the weekend, found someone else to take care of it, or one of them stay home.

This resulted in SIL starting a separate group chat with just her, me, and my brother. She started trying to bargain with me to get me to talk to our neighbors. Saying things like "what if it was one of your kids that hated fireworks, would you talk to them then?"

I told her that even if I talked to the neighbors, the city still does a huge show and we're close enough to see and hear everything and there's no way they are going to cancel a show because her dog is afraid of loud noises.

I told her that she is just going to have to find a way to keep her dog inside or drive the dog to somewhere else away from the fireworks until people are done.

SIL accused me of being a bad host and for not being considerate of them as guests. My brother sent me a separate message telling me to talk to the neighbors just to see what they say so that I can tell SIL I at least tried. I told him I'm not doing that, but SIL is free to try when she arrives.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

naisfurious said:

NTA. Fireworks are traumatic for our beloved animals. If we truly care about our pets at we will take every precaution we can to limit the distress they go through on this night.

An example of one of these precautions would be not taking your beloved pets to a vacation destination with a rife history of fireworks.

Your SIL expecting an entire community to change something as common as fireworks on the 4th of July is quite rediculous, completely in the hands of strangers and leaves her no way to enforce any agreement that might be reached. It sounds like your SIL needs a reality shot.

Apart-Ad-6518 said:

Of course NTA. Your neighbors are respectful & you can't ask them not to have fireworks, that's totally unreasonable. "Maybe it would be best if they boarded the dog for the weekend, found someone else to take care of it, or one of them stay home."

That's a sensible solution & SIL should go with it. She can't expect everyone to curtail their celebrations just for her dog.

AllTittiesNeedLove said:

NTA. You explained everything perfectly. You CANT control what other people do or light off. I have 3 dogs myself, know what I do for events that are loud such as fire works? I get them medication that helps their anxiety/sleep.

Is she expecting the dog to be outside the whole time while it's happening? She could go to a vet today and get something for the dog and tuck the dog away into a room for the remainder of the night with some toys, treats, blankets, and maybe some gently ambient music.

She sounds like the AH for not having a plan for her dog and for expecting people to stop everything for her dogs benefit. Does it suck to see your pets distressed? Of course it does, but there's ways to ease it and make things better without ruining everyone's fun.

NotCreativeAtAll16 said:

NTA. A guest can ask that you control the things that you can control. They're both being unreasonable by asking you to talk to your neighbors who live in a place where they can set fireworks off legally, and asking them to not because her dog is afraid. It is the responsibility of the dog owner, NOT the people lighting fireworks, to keep the dog in as quiet a location as possible.

TemptingPenguin369 said:

NTA. I'm saying that as the human for an elderly thunderphobe dog. I do what I can to keep her comfortable but I don't expect anyone to change a holiday tradition for me. I certainly wouldn't bring her to an event where the host told me there will be fireworks.

mzpljc said:

NTA. Fireworks are an expected part of this holiday. The whole world isn't going to cater to pets.

Timely_Egg_6827 said:

NTA and say that as a pet owner who worries about them and knows a lot of people with animals that are distressed. You can't control the world and the world around your lake property goes full-out with fireworks.

You did the right thing by warning her that the event may not be suited to her dog and suggested options. Dog or child, the neighbours and definitely not the city would be unlikely to tone back. I mean they likely have children excited to see them.