Woman rejects estranged parents’ plea to meet newborn, says they 'aren't deserving of being grandparents.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my parents they aren't deserving of being grandparents?"
General-Eye8669
My parents had three kids. They had twin girls and lost one of them when they were only 11 weeks old. And then they had me 4 years later. I grew up in the shadow of my living sister. She was their favorite and they could never shut up about her. While they were heavily critical of me and especially if I asked for some attention.
They could be cruel with their words but it was mostly neglectful and extreme favoritism. Mom's side of the family were the same. They saw my sister as a gift from God and a treasure. While I was nothing, I guess.
I grew up hearing how beautiful and stunning my sister was. How intelligent she was. How proud everyone was of her. How talented she was. It was excessive and it didn't go unnoticed by others but there was nobody close to me to speak up on my behalf.
I got lost in the sea of compliments for my sister. There were times we'd gather as an extended family and nobody would pay any attention to me and this goes back when I was very young.
My parents grew more critical of me when I "interrupted" anything. There was a day I got super violently sick in school and my school nurse called them. But they had both taken sick days, kept my sister home from school and had a family day.
So, getting that call from the school nurse pissed them off and when I was picked up at the end of the day, I was called names and told it's rude to interrupt people. I was also told it was why I'd never be included in days like that.
Another time I needed help with homework but my mom was cuddled with my sister on the couch and she told me I could see she was busy and to go away. Another example is when they'd say my sister was pretty there were times I'd ask if I was too. That pissed them off.
When I turned 18 they told me I needed to leave and I left. It was my birthday and everything but I had prepared for it a little and I knew I needed to get out. We had no contact for many years.
But now my sister is unable to have children and I'm expecting, which my parents learned from a nose neighbor (who is now no longer on my socials) and now they're reaching out to be grandparents to my baby.
Instead of fighting I told them they aren't deserving of being grandparents and they will not be in our lives. They didn't like that clearly and said I shouldn't punish everyone for the past. I think it's protecting my child but I know grandparents are a big debate and with my parents showing an interest I had to ask AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
redditlurker1981
NTA. Protect your child from these toxic AH. They don’t get to throw you out at 18 then expect you’ll just let them back in with open arms when it’s convenient for them.
Cerridwen1981
If you let them back into your life how long will it be before they start suggesting you should let your sister see/babysit/care for/keep and adopt the baby? Because you owe them, and her, because “family”? Keep them cut out OP. They discarded you until you could be useful for them and their own wants. You are so very NTA.
Agoraphobe961
NTA. Send the cease and desist letters now. A paper trail will help a lot when CPS starts getting calls or you get served for grandparent’s rights.
epeeist42
NTA. And as others noted, you're protecting your child (and yourself). Not that any reasonable person would think poorly of you for excluding them as punishment, but that's not your primary motivation (and even if it was, okay).
FasterThanNewts
So what if your sister all of a sudden is able to have kids? You KNOW what will happen. Regardless, they let you know you meant nothing to them so return the favor. Your sister can also be the one taking care of them in their old age. Don’t feel guilty. Your priority is your child, not them. Never them. NTA.
londomollaribab5
Be careful don’t let them be around your child at all. You don’t need them, your child doesn’t need them. Go NC, change your phone number, add cameras to your home’s exterior. NTA.
BeachinLife1
You are not punishing "everyone" for the past. Just them. Why would you ever expose your child to those monsters? What if you have two kids, and they decide one of them is their favorite? Nope, these people shouldn't be allowed within miles of your child(ren).
If anyone else in the family dares to have an "opinion" about this, ask them where the hell THEY were while YOU were being mistreated by your parents, and the rest of the family just followed right along with that? Tell them none of them are allowed near your kid either.
Disastrous-Sthe
NTA, I would trust them ever again. Block them and never speak to them again. I haven't spoken to my "parents" for over 10 years, and I have a little boy that they will never meet.
They also want something from you, and like another redditor wrote on here, they might kidnap your child and give the baby to your sis cause in their delusional mind......they think she should be the one deserving of motherhood. Stay away!!
Wandering_aimlessly9
Hell no!!!! NTA. How they treat you is how they will treat your kids. Trust me. I know. And it took me too long to realize that how I was treated wasn’t ok or appropriate.
By then the damage had been done to my kids who obviously had grown up in a different home environment and saw their BS for what it was. See my parents trained me to accept the abuse. What they didn’t think to train me to do…was accept the abuse they threw at my kids.