'AITA for Telling My Sister I Hooked Up with Her Fiancé and Ruining Her Engagement, Even Though She Took Him Back?'
"AITA for Telling My Sister I Hooked Up with Her Fiancé and Ruining Her Engagement, Even Though She Took Him Back?"
iamwyverngirl
I (19F) come from a super religious family where everyone marries fast through matchmakers. I’m the black sheep because I left religion and started dating casually. My sister Marie (25F) is the family favorite—beautiful, smart, outgoing—but she’s struggled to find a husband.
After a string of failed matches, she finally got engaged last month to Christopher (30M). Everyone was relieved because she’d been trying for so long. I was happy for her—until I met the fiancé. Christopher and I hooked up last year.
For context, the age gap between us isn’t the issue, so please don't bring it up. We met at a party, and despite being religious, he’s divorced and didn’t seem concerned about “staying pure.” We hooked up five times.
He was my first everything—kiss, hookup, all of it. After the fifth time, he said he was falling for me, but I wasn’t looking for anything serious, so I ended things before it got too complicated.
Especially because I knew he wanted to eventually get remarried, and I was not the girl for that. We hadn’t seen each other since—until Marie brought him home as her fiancé.
The second we locked eyes, I knew we were both thinking: Oh, crap. Later that night, Christopher pulled me aside, begging me not to tell Marie. He said it meant nothing, it was in the past, and telling her would only ruin her happiness. He texted and called me for a week, saying how much Marie had been through and how I’d destroy her life if I told her.
I kept my mouth shut at first. I didn’t want to hurt her. But the guilt was eating me alive—like I was watching her walk into a disaster. I felt like she deserved to know. So, I told her.
At first, Marie didn’t believe me. She said I was trying to sabotage her happiness because I couldn’t stand being single. I had to show her the texts and photos to prove it.
When she finally accepted the truth, she lost it. She confronted Christopher, and he denied everything—until she shoved the evidence in his face. Marie called off the engagement. That’s when things really hit the fan.
My parents and some relatives told me I should’ve kept quiet. They said I’d ruined Marie’s one shot at happiness and called me selfish for interfering. Now, I’m not even invited to the wedding. (Yep—they got back together, but I'll get to that.)
It gets worse: While Marie and Christopher were dating, he randomly called me, saying he wanted to “reconnect.” He was rather vague, but it was obviously a booty call. I didn’t know he was dating at the time, and definitely didn't know he was dating my sister.
I let him down firmly and didn’t engage because I had no interest. After telling Marie about our hookup, I mentioned this call because I thought she should know he wasn't as faithful while they were dating as she thought he was—but that backfired spectacularly.
Marie accused me of making up lies to tear them apart. Christopher denied everything and said I was obsessed with him. Marie sided with him and called me, quote, a "desperate home wrecker." Since I deleted my call history, I had no proof. It became a “he said, she said” situation, and Marie believed him.
Now, Marie and Christopher are back together, and they’re getting married. She showed up at my apartment a few weeks after the fight, crying. Apparently, Christopher convinced her that what happened between us was just a “meaningless mistake” and that it made him realize how much he wanted to be with her.
I tried to explain that he had told me he was falling for me—not to make it seem like he still liked me, just to show her he's lying to her about what he felt for me—but she just got angrier and called me a jealous liar and some other pretty names I won't repeat before storming out.
Now I’m completely cut off from family events. My parents say I’ve caused enough damage, and extended family members are calling me names both behind my back and to my face. Every attempt I’ve made to explain myself has been shut down.
So yeah, they’re getting married anyway. And here I am, wondering if I just blew up her engagement for nothing. Should I have just stayed quiet? Did I do the right thing, or did I just ruin my relationship with my family for no reason?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
MrsHappyEverAfter
Christopher is a walking red flag. Marie is in for a lifetime of unhappiness, for duration of marriage. Marie will be wondering if he is really going where he says he is, is he cheating. Their marriage is doomed before vows are exchanged. OP, you are NTA.
Ravens_Catacomb24
Christopher is a giant red flag factory, while Marie is trapped in a red flag clearance sale. Good luck to them both, they'll need it.
altarwisebyowllight
So, the age gap absolutely is an issue. A 29 year old already divorced man going after an 18 year old virgin like that suggests he potentially has maturity issues, and maybe isn't going to be great husband material.
The fact he spouted some "she was just a mistake" bullshit doesn't exactly do him any favors, either. You absolutely did the right thing bringing it up, because your sister needs to think really hard about what kind of person he is.
Realistic-Battle-429
NTA. Right? It’s wild how people overlook major warning signs just because of the wedding bells. A guy like that is definitely not the 'prince charming' he appears to be. Marie really needs to wake up before she ends up with a lifelong headache instead of a happily ever after!
Laila_Serenade
NTA. She should thank her sister for the heads-up. Better to know now than when they’re married with kids. Some people just love ignoring red flags!