'AITA for telling my sister that people still get married before having a baby?' UPDATED 2X
"AITA for telling my sister that people still get married before having a baby?"
I (22F) and my boyfriend (26M) starting dating 3 years ago. Yes when I was 19. Anyways this is my first relationship and early October, my boyfriend proposed to me. I was very excited and delightedly told my family at our Halloween party. Everyone seemed to be excited and congratulated him and me.
Later that night however my sister (34F) pulled me aside and asked me if I was pregnant. She was concerned that we were moving to fast and the only reason we were engaged is because I could be pregnant. I immediately blew up because I felt disgusted that she would insinuate that.
I told her that some women in life can still get the ring before the baby. She told me she was only asking out of concern and walked away with an attitude. After that, I told my fiancé I wanted to leave and gave her the stank eye out the door. The next day she sent me this long overdramatic paragraph that not everyone has the same road, she is happy with her life, and she was only trying to help.
I think she did it out of spite, but my mom tells me I know her and her husband are going through a rough patch and should’ve been more sensitive. That’s why I’m asking AITA?
FIRST UPDATE:
I am seeing your comments and I do understand your points. I am now realizing I have maybe over reacted. It’s just in our family there has been a history of only getting married because of an accidental pregnancy. Her comment made me feel like he was proposing out of necessity. Yet, I can see that she could’ve been genuinely concerned for me as a big sister should be. I am thinking about apologizing.
SECOND UPDATE:
Not much of an update, but I want to thank you guys for calling me out! I definitely was the AH in this situation. I’m going to apologize and tell her the reasons for me lashing out at her. I am very much in love and I know you guys are worried about the age gap.
That’s why I want to talk to him about a longer engagement and therapy (I wasn’t thinking about getting married right away anyways). My words with feeling disgusted wasn’t towards women who get pregnant beforehand, but from only getting married as we would get stuck with a baby. Don’t know if I am explaining this correctly.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
UniversityKey3396 said:
YTA. Your older sister was looking out for you because you are really young and unfortunately by the 30s most women have lived/heard horror stories of and from women who got married young and naive in their early 20s. Everyone thinks they’ve got it right at that age but sadly very very very few actually do and it’s mostly luck.
Your reaction is great proof of your emotional immaturity because “some women can get the ring before the baby?" Are you for real? If you think a man proposing marriage to you is some kind of personal achievement you are absolute child and your sister is so right to be worried for you.
And if you started dating him when you were 19 and think you’re so smart for marrying him at 22 I can only hope for your sake that you by some miracle get to go on living in this bubble because the alternative is too sad to think about.
mness1201 said:
YTA...she asked a question a question out of genuine concern as you’re her younger sister- and you "immediately blew up," left the party and gave her "stink eye!" She tried to apologize with a "long paragraph" and you call it overdramatic and don’t acknowledge or accept any of it? Sounds a bit childish to me...
HoshiJones said:
YTA. Both for overreacting, and for your judgmental, smug comments to her. Both of which show that she was right to be concerned about your immaturity.
CapOk7564 said:
YTA. Jeez. She asked a simple question, ensuring you weren’t rushing things due to outlying concerns. You were needlessly cruel to her, for no reason. Why did it infuriate you? you left over a simple question and “gave her the stink eye." Very mature. Definitely mature enough to be getting married…
amycouldntcareless said:
YTA. Goodness what is your issue lol. "I immediately blew up because I felt disgusted that she would insinuate that." Why? There's nothing disgusting about people having babies before they get married, or getting married after learning about a pregnancy. It's very common and normal. your sister was clearly asking out of concern for you and you completely over-reacted.
1indaT said:
YTA. Your sister was kind and concerned. Your reaction was inappropriate.
Objective_Emu_1985 said:
YTA. “First relationship”. Not going to work out. Your sister knows that and was trying to help, just not at all tactfully.
effinnxrighttt said:
ESH. She was looking out for you and making sure you knew that you had options if you were only getting married because of pregnancy. She could have absolutely found a better time, place and way to say that to you though.