"AITA for Telling My Sister She Can't Move in With Us After Her Divorce?"
"AITA for Telling My Sister She Can't Move in With Us After Her Divorce?"
meJessicaxx
I (34F) have always been close to my younger sister, Sheena (29F). We've supported each other through thick and thin, especially during tough times. Recently, Sheena went through a messy divorce. Her ex-husband was unfaithful and left her in a very vulnerable state, both emotionally and financially.
Sheena has two children, Max (5M) and Sophie (3F). She struggled to find a stable job and place to live after the separation. Naturally, she turned to me for help. She asked if she and the kids could move in with my husband, Mike (33M), and me until she got back on her feet.
While I wanted to help her, our situation is complicated. Mike and I have three children of our own, and our house is already quite crowded. Additionally, Mike is currently dealing with some health issues that require a peaceful and stress-free environment. Bringing in three more people, especially young children, would add a significant amount of stress to our household.
To make matters worse, Sheena's ex-husband has been stirring up trouble. He's been spreading rumors about her to mutual friends and family, claiming that she was the unfaithful one. Sheena is emotionally exhausted and feels completely alone, making me want to help her even more.
I discussed the situation with Mike, and we both agreed that we couldn't accommodate Sheena and her kids. Instead, I offered to help her find an affordable apartment nearby and promised to assist with childcare and job hunting. I even offered to help cover her first few months of rent to ease the transition.
When I explained this to Sheena, she was devastated. She accused me of abandoning her in her time of need and said I was choosing my husband's comfort over my own sister's survival. She felt betrayed, and our relationship has been strained since.
Our parents have also weighed in, suggesting that family should always come first and implying that I should have made room for Sheena, no matter the circumstances. This has made me second-guess my decision, and I'm left feeling conflicted.
To add to the tension, Sheena’s friends started a GoFundMe campaign for her without asking her first, which made her feel even more embarrassed and exposed. Our extended family is divided, with some supporting my decision and others believing I'm being heartless.
Mike, on the other hand, feels guilty but insists that we need to prioritize his health and our children’s stability. He reassures me that helping Sheena in other ways is still a generous and supportive act.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's initial post:
Critical_Aspect
NTA You've made a generous and practical offer of help, but it's not exactly what she wants so now you're the bad guy? I presume those calling you heartless have not offered their own money or homes to your sister.
s3xySavannah
Hit the spot! OP was very generous enough to offer help. You did not abandon her. Don't feel bad at yourself. You're NTA.
The OP responded here:
meJessicaxx
Believe me I truly want to help Sheena in any way I can without compromising my own family's well-being. I understand she's going through a lot, but adding more stress to our already challenging circumstances wouldn't be fair to my husband or our children. I have my priorities.
celticmusebooks
"Our parents have also weighed in, suggesting that family should always come first and implying that I should have made room for Sheena, no matter the circumstances."
So if family comes first then why aren't THEY taking in Sheena and her kids--- oh yeah and your husband with the medical condition is your FAMILY. NTA.
Advanced-Suspect1561
NTA. You offered to help her out financially, which is very helpful. If your husband health situation is that bad, you shouldn’t put him in a position to get worse. Like you said his health and your children’s stability is a priority for your family. You can’t have your house falling apart.
With everything going on, I don’t think she is thinking straight. Explain to her you are not leaving her stranded, you just don’t have space in your home realistically, but you can provide help to find an apartment. If your parents feel so bad, why can’t they take her in? Everyone has an opinion of you, but why can’t they open their homes.