'AITA for telling my sister she's banned from bringing homemade food to Thanksgiving?' UPDATED 3X
"AITA for telling my sister she's banned from bringing homemade food to Thanksgiving?"
Every year, our family does a big Thanksgiving dinner, and we all typically bring a dish or two. My sister, who’s a lovely person in every other way, insists on cooking something homemade every time. The issue? She’s…not a great cook. And I don’t mean just “not great”—I mean she has somehow managed to turn classic dishes into borderline inedible creations.
For context, last Thanksgiving, she showed up with her “special recipe” stuffing that was over-seasoned with random spices like cinnamon and cardamom. It was dry, and the flavors were confusing and totally off for stuffing. Only one person took a small bite, and the rest went untouched.
Another year, she brought a green bean casserole that had some kind of strange, chewy texture—she later admitted she used coconut milk and almond flour “to experiment.” No one wanted seconds of that, either.
This year, I’m hosting Thanksgiving. Since I’m responsible for putting it all together, I wanted to keep the menu consistent so that people could actually enjoy a cohesive meal. I thought I’d avoid drama by asking her to bring non-food items instead—like wine, soda, or even some flowers.
I explained to her (very kindly, I thought) that I just wanted to make things easy and streamlined, and I’d handle the main dishes. But she didn’t take it well. She got offended and told me I was being “controlling” and “shutting her out” of the family gathering.
She then accused me of making her feel inadequate and said that Thanksgiving is about everyone contributing, not me deciding what’s “acceptable.” I told her that everyone appreciates her effort, but that she could contribute in other ways and still be part of it. She doubled down and said she’s bringing her “famous” green bean casserole whether I like it or not.
Now, my mom and a couple of other family members have chimed in, saying I should just let her bring whatever she wants because “it’s Thanksgiving” and “it’s the thought that counts.” They’re acting like I’m committing some huge offense by wanting the food to be enjoyable for everyone and not have random experimental dishes that no one will eat.
But I feel like I’m just trying to keep the meal enjoyable and, frankly, edible. I don’t think it’s wrong to want guests to actually enjoy the food, especially since I’m putting in a lot of effort to host. Am I really being unreasonable here? AITA?
OP added this update in the same post:
Alright, well, things have escalated fast. Thanks to everyone who offered advice—I tried to compromise, but it’s already turning into a whole thing, and Thanksgiving is still a few weeks away.
After our last conversation, my sister was being pretty cagey about what she planned to make, so I reached out to my mom, hoping she could help smooth things over. Instead, she got defensive, saying I’m “overthinking” and that it’s just one dish. I told her I wasn’t sure it was just one dish anymore, especially after hearing about my sister’s grocery haul (including canned oysters and edible glitter).
Then my mom let slip that my sister has been “hard at work” on some “creative menu” she’s planning as her “Thanksgiving surprise.” Apparently, she’s been telling the family group chat (which I wasn’t included in, by the way) that I’m being “controlling” and that she wants to “expand everyone’s palate” with something “truly unique.”
To top it off, my cousin sent me a screenshot from the group chat where my sister said she’s bringing not one but three dishes to Thanksgiving now. She’s calling them her “Thanksgiving Trio Experience,” complete with their own place settings and little menu cards she’s designing. I’m officially panicking because I have no idea what she’s planning to serve, and from what I’ve heard, it’s not remotely traditional.
At this point, half the family thinks I’m overreacting, while the other half is texting me with things like, “Is she really bringing glittered sweet potatoes?” I feel stuck—if I try to control it any more, I’m the bad guy, but if I don’t, Thanksgiving might turn into a tasting event for my sister’s avant-garde cooking.
So yeah, Thanksgiving is weeks away, and it’s already become a family spectacle. I don’t know whether to brace myself or just preemptively order pizza.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Rowana133 said:
Just let her bring the green bean casserole and make an actually edible one as backup. It's not worth it to die on this hill.
sarahjustme said:
Why do you care? It sounds like the "control" issue might be a long standing issue, Thanksgiving isn't the time to have a show down.
Kristmaus said:
Soft YTA. She enjoys cooking, brings her meal, and for what you have written, doesn't throw a tantrum if nobody eats her dish... so what's the main issue you have with her food? It looks like you are A BIT controlling, for the words you use ("cohesive meal", "consistent menu", "enjoyable"... since when a badly cooked dish ruins an entire meal if nobody is being forced to eat it?)
Impressive-Arm2563 said:
A soft YTA. Just let her bring what she wants. It’s not hurting you, you don’t have to eat it. It might even be fun to pretend it’s the best thing ever and throw some away when she isn’t looking, to make her feel good. It could be part of the traditional holiday experience.
No_Veterinarian1010 said:
YTA, no one cares about your “cohesive meal." She wants to contribute and seems to be really trying. Who is it hurting to have a dish on the table no one likes and isn’t being forced to eat?
Bridgybabe said:
YTA. Let her bring what she likes - just like everybody else. People will either eat it or not. Not your problem. Stop being so controlling.
Miserable_Fennel_492 said:
Yes, YTA. Who gives af if she brings something that nobody eats? It’s literally ONE dish. Your meal is not ruined. Let her take home her leftover food and call it a day.
12 days later OP came back with this update:
Alright, so Thanksgiving is now just a little over two weeks away, and somehow, things have escalated even further than I thought possible. I thought maybe my sister’s “Thanksgiving Trio Experience” would be the peak of the drama—well, turns out I was wrong.
Since the last update, my sister has become fully committed to making her “dishes” the main attraction. She’s been dropping hints in the family group chat (which I’m still not included in, but shoutout to my cousin for the screenshots) about how this Thanksgiving will be “one to remember” and calling it her “Thanksgiving Debut.”
She’s apparently been referring to herself as the “Thanksgiving Head Chef” and has hinted that she’s bringing some kind of “culinary surprise centerpiece” that will “transform the whole experience.”
From what I can piece together, she’s planning a main “statement dish” in addition to her original three side dishes. I’m picturing something equally bizarre but on a much larger scale, and honestly, I’m terrified. If her green bean casserole was already pushing it, I can’t even imagine what she thinks is worthy of being the “centerpiece.”
Then, to make things even weirder, my mom texted me privately and suggested that I “step back” this year and let my sister “shine” since she’s “so excited about her contributions.” My mom thinks if we just give her this moment, it’ll make her happy and she’ll “get it out of her system.”
She even hinted that maybe I should “focus on decorations and drinks” instead of the main dishes, which feels like an attempt to turn hosting over to my sister without actually saying it.
So now, I’m left with a choice: go along with my mom’s plan and let my sister essentially hijack Thanksgiving, or keep pushing back and risk a family showdown. I just wanted a nice Thanksgiving with dishes everyone would enjoy, but it seems like I’m either about to hand over the whole meal to her… or prepare for some serious drama.
Thanksgiving isn’t even here yet, and it already feels like a circus. I’m half tempted to just sit back and see what chaos unfolds, but part of me is still worried about subjecting the whole family to whatever “artistic statement” she has planned.
Here's what people had to say after the update:
I cannot figure out why you still haven't canceled hosting. If she wants to take over, let her do so in her own space. Why would you go through all those trouble to host your family when you're sister is actively planning sabotage? I would have already bowed out.
He should trow her mom under the bus and tell her, "mom told me that you are planning to be the star at my expense, well you can host now" and bring a pizza for himself
I have to agree with the comment above. We are a little tired. Just call off and have a vacation for Christ sake. What else do you need to hear? 5k plus whatever else is added here won't change the end of the story. She will either fudge up or be bright and shiny. You are not standing up for yourself. And I don't think you will.
You know it is YOU the one she wants to burn. Your mom will make you the potato mess with glitter and not enough comments and advice here will change that. YTA at this point. Don't update if it's not a real update.
Honestly, you make a good point, and trust me—I’ve thought about canceling a lot. Part of me feels like I’d be giving in if I just handed it over to her, but at the same time, this whole situation has become so ridiculous that it’s starting to feel more like her event than mine.
And you’re right—why am I doing all the work when she’s trying to make the whole thing a stage for her “culinary talents”?
At this point, bowing out might actually be the best choice, and I might finally get some peace. I just need to figure out how to explain it to my family without it turning into even more drama. Thanks for the reality check—I might just take your advice!
Just let her do it and don’t cook a DAMN thing. Oh…and eat before anyone shows up.
Haha, that would be one way to handle it, right? Just let her have her “Thanksgiving Head Chef” moment and show up with a full stomach, no stress, and zero cooking on my part. I’m honestly so tempted to go this route—if she wants the spotlight that badly, I might as well let her handle everything and watch the chaos unfold from the sidelines.
It might even be kind of satisfying to see her realize how much goes into hosting, especially if her “creations” don’t quite go over as she hopes. Thanks for the idea… this might just be the perfect “hands-off” Thanksgiving!
OP just added this "final update":
Thanksgiving dinner is officially over, and I genuinely don’t know where to start. I feel like I just lived through a fever dream of culinary chaos and family drama, and I need a moment to breathe before I can even process everything.
My cousin and I are heading out for drinks to dissect all of it because honestly, what just happened deserves its own Netflix special. I’ll post photos later when I get home, but for now, let me try to give you the rundown.
So, my sister showed up earlier than expected, which I should’ve seen coming. She came in like a storm, carrying not just her three dishes but also this giant platter wrapped in foil, which she was clearly trying to make a big deal about. She immediately started rearranging the table, moving my dishes to the side so hers could “take center stage.”
She even brought her own table runner and candles, saying something about “setting the mood for a creative dining experience.” I decided not to fight her on it because, at this point, I just wanted to get through the night without a blow-up.
Her Trio Experience was… well, let’s just say it was everything I feared and more. She started with a glittery sweet potato mash that somehow managed to taste like a mix of sugar and sand. The glitter wasn’t even edible glitter; it was craft glitter, which I didn’t realize until one of the kids said, “This is crunchy,” and I looked closer.
Then there was the cranberry and oyster relish. Yes, oysters and cranberries. It looked like someone had spilled jam into clam chowder, and the smell alone was enough to make me lose my appetite. Finally, she brought a pumpkin curry casserole that had raisins in it for some reason and this weird fishy smell that clung to the air for way too long.
But the pièce de résistance was her “surprise centerpiece dish,” which turned out to be a turkey gelatin mold. Yes, she took ground turkey, mixed it with some kind of broth and seasonings, and turned it into a wobbly, translucent mold shaped like a turkey. She even garnished it with parsley and cherry tomatoes to make it “festive.”
I wish I were kidding. The entire table went silent when she unveiled it, except for my cousin, who immediately started coughing to cover up what I’m pretty sure was a laugh.
Things hit their peak when my mom, who has been defending her this entire time, took one bite of the gelatin mold and just… froze. She didn’t say anything, but you could see the regret on her face.
My sister, noticing the lack of enthusiasm, decided to go on this long speech about how Thanksgiving food is “too boring” and how she’s trying to “challenge our palates.” She even called my ham and mashed potatoes “uninspired,” which was rich coming from someone serving glitter sand potatoes.
The breaking point came when my aunt, who’s usually the peacekeeper, tried the gelatin mold and actually gagged. She tried to be polite about it, but my sister saw her reaction and completely lost it. She started yelling about how nobody in the family supports her and how we’re all “stuck in the past” with our “unoriginal food.”
She even accused me of “sabotaging” her dishes by not hyping them up enough to everyone. At this point, half the table was trying not to laugh, and the other half was just staring at their plates, probably wondering how we got here.
My sister ended up storming out of the house, but not before saying something along the lines of, “You’ll regret not appreciating my vision when I’m famous!” She left most of her food behind, which my cousin and I quietly threw out after dinner.
The rest of the night actually turned out pretty nice once the tension was gone. My dad’s emergency ham was a lifesaver, and everyone agreed that next year, we’re either going to a restaurant or just skipping Thanksgiving altogether.
So now I’m sitting here wondering how this even became my life. I’ll post photos later because you all need to see the turkey gelatin mold to believe it, but for now, I’m off to grab a drink (or three) with my cousin to laugh/cry over everything that went down.
This Thanksgiving was truly something else, and I don’t know whether to feel relieved it’s over or brace myself for whatever fresh chaos my sister has planned for next year. Stay tuned for photos—it’s going to be worth it!
Here's what people had to say after the "final update":
Oh boy, I've been following this story and I can't WAIT to see these photos, commenting for later😂. I'm glad your family ended up having a good day!
SocietyTiny784 OP:
I’m glad you’ve been following along, and trust me, the photos will be worth it. Today was definitely a wild ride, but in the end, we managed to salvage the day. I’ll post the pictures later when I’m back home—it’s going to be something to see.
There has to be something wrong with your sister. Like I would’ve laughed in her face. Please post the pictures.
SocietyTiny784 OP:
Honestly, after today, I’m starting to wonder the same thing. The confidence she had in these dishes was truly something else. I managed to take a few pictures without being obvious, so stay tuned. I’ll post them when I get back from decompressing with my cousin. You won’t believe your eyes.
I just made my wife aware of this entire saga and now we're eagerly anticipating the photographs. I told her "Turkey gelatin mold" and she lost it.
SocietyTiny784 OP:
The turkey gelatin mold is definitely the showstopper of this saga. I’m glad you and your wife are enjoying the chaos—it’s been a ride, to say the least. I’ll have the photos up later, and trust me, they’ll live up to the hype. Thanks for following along!
Did she chow down herself? I don’t understand how it could be this bad without having malfunctioning tastebuds 😭
SocietyTiny784 OP:
Oh, she absolutely did. She was proudly serving herself generous portions of everything she made and going on about how much she “loves bold flavors.” Watching her genuinely enjoy the turkey gelatin mold while the rest of us struggled to keep a straight face was something else. At this point, I’m starting to think her tastebuds really are on another planet. Stay tuned for the photos—it’ll all make sense when you see them.