'AITA for telling my sister that she is insane for not teaching her daughter English?'

"AITA for telling my sister that she is insane for not teaching her daughter English?"

My (20F) family is originally from Sweden. My sister Kristin (30F) was born in Sweden and was raised speaking Swedish and English. She and my parents came to the US when she was 10, and I was born not long afterwards. I was raised only speaking English.

My parents did not bother having me learn Swedish because it isn't a widely-spoken language where we live, and in fact when I was little, they had a rule that Kristin could only talk to me in English. They did this because they didn't want to hinder me being able to communicate with my peers.

I've visited Sweden maybe twice when I was really little and don't have any recollections. Kristin, however, has a lot of fond memories from her childhood. Since she's moved out, she has regularly visited Sweden.

She has been married to her husband, Erik (30M) for about three years. Erik is also from Sweden and came to the US in his early 20s. Erik was also raised speaking Swedish and English, but is more comfortable talking in Swedish. They have a daughter, Elsa, who 18 months old and learning to talk.

When they came over for Christmas dinner, I tried to talk to Elsa, but Kristin told me that I can only talk to Elsa in Swedish, but not English. I thought she was raising Elsa speaking both Swedish and English, but she told me that they are not going to bother teaching her English.

I asked why, and Kristin told me that they want Elsa to be connected to her heritage and also because they plan on eventually moving back to Sweden. I asked if she had idea as to when they will move, and she said it could be one year, or ten years.

I told Kristin that she is doing Elsa a big disservice by not teaching her English. She told me it won't be an issue as "She'll learn it when she goes to kindergarten!" I said that I can understand wanting Elsa to know Swedish, and if they had any immediate plans to move back to Sweden, then I could understand prioritizing Swedish over English.

But since they don't have any immediate plans to move back there, she should learn both languages now so she can communicate with her English-speaking relatives in the US, as well as her peers and her teachers when she goes to school. I said that not teaching Elsa any English at all is insane.

Kristin got mad at me and told me I am being xenophobic. I told her this would not be an issue if Elsa speaks English too, but because almost nobody around here speaks Swedish, she’s hindering her daughter. She said that it’s possible that by the time Elsa is ready to start school, they might have moved back to Sweden.

My parents are mostly on my side but say that they understand why she’s doing this, and I was being harsh by saying that she was “insane” for not teaching her English and should be more understanding.

I feel it is equally harsh for her to say I’m xenophobic. I think it’s great to be multilingual, but one needs to be able to communicate with the majority of the people where they live. But now I’m starting to feel like maybe I was too harsh.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Rredhead926 said:

NTA. They live in the US, but they might move back to Sweden, so they're not teaching their daughter English. That's actually pretty dangerous. For example, what happens if Elsa gets lost and she can't understand when people ask her where her parents are, nor could she tell anyone who they are?

Every little kid gets lost at some point in their lives, so this is not an unlikely scenario. In an emergency, how would, say, 3-year old Elsa be able to tell anyone? I also have a good friend from Sweden (and she speaks 8 languages). According to her, English is a required subject in school in Sweden. So Elsa would actually be behind other kids who may have been speaking and/or understanding English their whole lives.

Infinite_Slide_5921 said:

This is an ESH. Parents: complete and utter idiots. If you live in an English speaking country and your parents talk to you in another language at home, you will likely end up with fluent English and a good knowledge of the other language.

OP speaking Swedish at home would not have made her English worse, as it would be the dominant language everywhere else. I don't have words to describe how dumb it is to cheat your kid of a free language because they don't need it right away.

Sister: she is visiting her childhood trauma on her daughter. She was uprooted at a young age from her home country and was then prevented from making her heritage part of her new life; her parents really failed her there.

But not teaching your child the language spoken where you live is ridiculous, and the daughter will likely face great difficulties adjusting to school. If Swedish culture is that important to her, they need to make whatever sacrifices necessary to move there as soon as possible.

Raibean said:

YTA. I’m a preschool teacher and I’ve taught a couple kids who came in not speaking English. My grandmother only spoke Spanish at home and picked up English when she went to first grade.

You and your parents are factually wrong. Elsa will pick up English quickly and easily in school, and speaking Swedish at home won’t hinder her at all. If she starts preschool before going to kindergarten, it’s better (mostly because it will keep her academically on track and on track with the social skills she will need for school), but it’s nothing permanent.

WickdWitchoftheTest said:

YTA. I have a Masters degree in Linguistics, and you are completely off base. Language acquisition experts recommend exactly this when raising bilingual children. That child will be exposed to English everywhere. There's literally no way they could STOP that child from learning English while living in an English-speaking country.

Your intentions may be in the right place, but you clearly know zero about childhood language development, so please stop giving your sister headaches and bad advice in the form of misinformation.

w-almart said:

YTA. What’s the problem? She’s right, she’s going to learn English in school so she’s not banning her from learning the language. This is more common than you think, and good for your niece that she won’t be a typical American who only knows one language. Sounds like maybe you should learn Swedish to communicate better with your niece and brother in law.

Marfernandezgz said:

YTA. But you are not xenophobic. You are talking about something you don't know. It's absolutly true she will learn english as soon as she go to the school and it's the only efective way she can learn sweedish. Look what happen to all these "no sapo" kids. A big effort is needed to teach another language in a place were english is so strong. And no effort is needed to teach english in such an english speaking place.