'AITA For telling stepsis to get over herself and people aren’t required to be miserable just because she is?'
"AITA For telling stepsis to get over herself and people aren’t required to be miserable just because she is?"
Miserable_Ask_231
Stepsis Savannah is deadset on this fantasy that her bio parents would be together if not for my Dad, which is not the case at all. Savannah still won’t open up even when I’ve tried everything to connect with her.
Basically, it’s always like this:
I invited her to do something that I know she’d like. She’d rather stay home. I got her a gift, she doesn’t want it. Throws it away right in front of us sometimes. I sent her a funny video, she’s flipping shit with her Mom (‘Jane’) because she thinks the video is about her and accuses me of making fun of her.
Basically, Savannah’s made it clear for 2 years now that she wants nothing to do with me. So I’ve given up and just stay away from her ATP. My younger stepsibs did want to have a bond, so we spend a lot of time together. Last straw with Savannah was when I invited them to have a sibling day with friends.
Savannah said she didn’t want her bio sibs to go. Stepsibs wanted to go and parents approved, so we went. Savannah told me off when I got home because they’re her bio sibs and not mine. I’m so fed up with her at this point.
I told Savannah to get over herself. You’re 15 not 5. Go ahead and keep ignoring your therapist and staying in your delusion where my Dad is evil and ruined your family. But the world doesn’t revolve around you and people are allowed to move on and be happy even if you decide you want to be miserable all the time.
Dad asked me if something was up because Savannah was obviously pissed and causing issues for everyone later. Which is when I explained what happened. Dad basically said he knows we’re frustrated with Savannah but my delivery was mean.
I think Dad’s being too sensitive and coddling Savannah because even Jane is on my side. Savannah has a therapist but never listens to them and it’s been years. Savannah is going to be a legal adult in 3 years and I think somebody needs to tell her straight.
She’s trying to force everyone else to be miserable but nobody is going to tolerate that once she’s out of school.
AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
savinathewhite
I get why everyone is saying you are E S H, but I do not agree. You are still a kid, she is still a kid. I do not think it is fair or reasonable to expect one kid to tolerate meanness from another, indefinitely, and perpetually be the “better person”.
The people who are responsible for finding solutions and ensuring everyone has a positive home environment, are the parents, not the kids. While your statements to your step sister were on the harsher side of things, it sounds like you’ve tried patience, and tried forbearance, and tried kindness, and tried hoping therapy would make a difference.
At some point, being harsh might be the only thing to break through. Maybe it won’t, but either way it isn’t your responsibility to carry the load of her negativity and antagonism. Avoiding conflict is a good strategy, but not at the expense of your own enjoyment of life. Letting your stepsister be awful, doesn’t help anyone, not even her.
Your parents need to step in and do something, not rely on you to put up with it for the rest of your time in the house - because you are right, unless she resolves this trauma and anger, it’s going to impact her whole life negatively. NTA. Best of luck, and just keep being you, and as positive as you can. It’s not your job to fix this.
Normal-Height-8577
"At some point, being harsh might be the only thing to break through. Maybe it won’t, but either way it isn’t your responsibility to carry the load of her negativity and antagonism."
Agreed. And it's not the other stepkids' responsibility to carry the load either, if they want to do something fun with OP.
xxxdggxxx
Not really getting all the E S Hs. NTA imo. From your post it seems you've been trying to meet Savannah halfway for a while now and she's shut down at every point. When she starts trying to dictate how you interact with other members of the family, she needs a reminder that it's not her place to dictate it.
You pushed back after a prolonged episode of guilt tripping and resentment. I do think the blame lies squarely with your parents though. They've dropped the ball on helping her and left you to deal with an atmosphere of resentment which is not your fault.
horseandcat84
NTA you are both young teens. Teens has problem with regulating their emotions in a good way and express themselfs in a "proper way". Where you harsh in the way you talked to your stepsister? Yes, but it doesn't make you an AH.
Your parents are the ones that should adress this and tell her to be civil to you and the other siblings. She doesn't have to love you, but being respectful and civil when interacting with you is a minimum. Her mum should adress her thoughts and dreams. Maybe it's time to explain that even if she brakes up with your dad, she never will go back to the "bio-dad."
Miserable_Ask_231 (OP)
Dad and Jane are doing their best. They've tried respecting her space, trying to include her, talks about respect. Savannah's also been in therapy 2x a week since her bio parents divorced. Savannah wants to keep living in her delusion.
The divorce happened when Savannah was 7 and she hasn't seen her bio dad since she was 8. Jane made it extremely clear from the beginning that she and bio dad were never getting back together and why.
Ghost3022
NTA. I was thinking you were 20 or 21 but to be this aware at 16 is awesome. Yes ahe absolutely can feel any way she wants. But it's not ok to drag you guys with. She needed to be told that. You did that. If what you wrote is pretty much what you said, that's a more mature response than some adult do. No you don't need to tolerate her any longer!