'AITA for telling my wife to kick out her friend who’s been living with us for the past month after her husband kicked her out?'
"AITA for telling my wife to kick out her friend who’s been living with us for the past month after her husband kicked her out?"
Different-Echo2998
My (M45) wife’s friend “Zel” (F32) has been living with us for the past month after her marriage imploded about a month ago. Zel came to our country about three years ago on a work visa.
She was working for a company and met my wife Molly (F43) at a work event. Molly and Zel became quick friends as Molly used to do social work, and she found Zel’s story to be very moving and interesting.
Zel started dating this guy I’ll call Ed (M35), who had recently launched a company in her field. She left her original job and started working for Ed, and not long after that, they got married. Zel’s job became pretty cushy. So instead of working, she went back to college to pursue a career in social work, and since Molly had experience in this, she became a sort of mentor for Zel.
With Ed funding Zel’s education and living expenses, it seemed like everything was set for her. Fast forward to mid-August, and Ed found out Zel had been cheating on him for several weeks with one of her classmates.
Ed immediately cut funding for Zel’s education and kicked her out of his house. The prenup Ed had her sign left her with absolutely nothing, effectively making her penniless and homeless.
On top of that, Ed has spread the story across their community, and as such, Zel’s reputation is in tatters, and her family back in their home country wants nothing to do with her (supposedly).
The divorce hasn’t been finalized at the time of this writing. With the resources he has, I imagine Ed could speed up the process, but for whatever reason, it’s dragging on.
With seemingly no one to turn to, Zel came to us, and Molly welcomed her one day while I was at work. Since then, she has been living in our basement. Molly spends a lot of time now just talking to Zel and trying to help her get her life back on track.
So much so that it is starting to affect our personal lives, and I feel like childcare has been made exclusively my responsibility for most of the week. Not only that but since our gym equipment is in the basement, I had to stop working out, which has adversely affected my own mental health.
I’ve been very annoyed about the entire situation but have largely borne it in silence until last night. Right before bed, Molly started going on about how the divorce could take months and that we need to find Zel a lawyer. At this stage, I told her that Zel had overstayed her welcome and needed to leave.
It got pretty heated, and my wife said I was being “shockingly unempathetic”. I told her she was ignoring her responsibilities to our children, which deeply offended her. In the end, I told her that as a compromise, we could buy Zel a plane ticket back to her home country so she could be with her family.
Molly was so upset at this for whatever reason and just responded with “goodnight.” We haven’t spoken since then, partially because I decided to go work in my office today since I needed a break from Molly’s nonsense. I honestly don’t know what to do at this stage. I just want that woman out of my home. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Perky_Cherry
NTA. Zel overstayed her welcome. It's reasonable to prioritize your family's well-being and ask her to find other accommodations.
KingInMyMind
It's not even just that they're sacrificing their well-being for someone else, but they're doing it for someone who did this to herself. Don't cheat on the goose that lays the golden eggs. Zel needs to accept that the free ride is over and get a real job (I'm betting she hasn't considering how entitled she felt to cheat on her husband).
Cutiexcath
NTA, For wanting your wife's friend to move out. You're within your rights to set boundaries in your own home, especially when it's affecting your family and personal life. It's understandable that your wife wants to help her friend, but it shouldn't come at the cost of your family's well-being.
I_wanna_be_anemone
NTA Wife is putting her martyr complex ahead of her own family. Zel ruined her own life. Letting her stay any length of time is incredibly generous. Paying for her to fly home to her family is beyond what most would even consider. Make it clear to your wife that you’re disappointed she’s putting a cheater ahead of her own family.
Dresden_Mouse
NTA. Your wife is ignoring the fact the everything that happened her friend brought upon herself, also bringing a "guest" into your home without telling is a huge NO NO specially when there is no plan or exit plan, and now she wants to finance her lawyer? No, there is more to this, I would not be surprised if your wife was aware of the affair all along.
kinkykarylle
NTA. It's great that your wife wants to help her friend, but it's not fair for you to shoulder the burden of childcare and put your own mental health on hold. It's time for Zel to find alternative living arrangements.
It's not unreasonable for you to suggest purchasing a plane ticket for her to return to her home country. You have a right to your personal space and boundaries within your own home. Your wife needs to understand and respect that.
Material_Cellist4133
NTA. Your wife’s an idiot. She is trying to help someone else at the expense of her own marriage and children. Also, you need to recognize where you and children land on your wife’s priority scale…below someone she has only known for 3 years… that’s kinda sad.
Funny-Wafer1450
NTA. Your wife can't save Zel. Get her that plane ticket and get your life back.