'AITA for threatening my family after they insulted my wife in front of my face?' UPDATED
"AITA for threatening my family after they insulted my wife in front of my face?"
So I'm (22m) my wife is (21f) we have been together since childhood, we have been dating since I was 17, problem is she met with an accident when she was 11 and since then she couldn't walk, we are working on it but it isn't promising at all.
So we got married 8 months ago, my family and hers and our friends all joined us, my family criticized me for marrying so early and being rash, I have 2 elder brothers they are 2 years apart, and one elder sister who's 4 years older than me.
They attended my wedding and I thought they accepted her, but a few days ago, we had a family dinner cause finally my eldest sister was going to get married, everything eas going good, we joked around, drank, ate, danced etc etc.
My wife was sleepy, so I took her upstairs and put her to sleep, she can't handle alcohol at all, I came downstairs and after a while. Out of nowhere my sister said that it's better if my wife is not present in her wedding.
I thought it was a joke so I laughed, she said she was serious, I asked her why, she simply said that "she want me to be beside her and not carry my wife around."
I was like what?? She's not a burden she's family, and I told her that, she said after that, she accepts my wife, but I will end up paying too much attention my wife instead of being with her, and it's only reasonable that a brother should always be with her sister during her wedding.
I just said I will always be with her, she doesn't have to worry about my wife, that's when my brothers came in, they said that I have done 'enough' for my wife, and it's time for me to do something for my sister, they said I should've married another woman, instead of a "burden."
I looked at my dad and he just gave me a sign to calm down, but my mother joined as well and told me that my siblings are right, my wife shouldn't join the wedding cause I won't pay attention to my siblings and wedding and keep taking care of my wife.
I finally lost my cool, after hearing all this I went sober, I said if my wife is not invited, then I'm not invited either, I said I'm leaving, as I was going upstairs, to wake my wife up and leaving, my family stopped me and said I'm being unreasonable, I said I'm not in the mood rn, if I hear another offensive word, I'll do something we all will regret.
So I just grabbed my wife and went back to home, she asked why we left, I said I got urgent work in the morning, my boss called me on short notice, she bought it, but my family keeps saying I was in the wrong for threatening them. So aita for the way I reacted?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Responsible-Ebb2933 said:
NTA Your family sounds toxic
eneri008 said:
NTA. They don’t accept her and it’s obvious the reason behind their dislike.
Crafty_Special_7052 said:
NTA so what your sister expects you to be by her side the whole wedding? That’s weird. And why is she singling you out? You have two other brothers they can be by her side.
And honestly the only person who should be by her side is her soon to be husband. Your family are AHs and I would consider going LC to NC if they continue to disrespect your wife.
xmowx said:
NTA, but dude, don't lie to your wife.
EDJardin said:
NTA, and create as much distance from your family as you possibly can. They are not right in their heads. Maybe I haven't been to enough weddings, but I'm pretty sure it's the Husband who is supposed to be by the bride's side during the wedding. Not the brother. That's super weird.
yeoniesong said:
NTA. This is like saying since you love your wife now you don’t love your sister anymore. It’s silly. You can love them both differently. For both the love, care and attention are different. You love your wife differently than your family and your family needs to understand that.=
And if you married a “burden." Then it’s yours, not theirs to complain!! So burden or not, they shouldn’t be complaining either ways. If this was their daughter then they wouldn’t have said something so insensitive about your wife.
Later OP came back with an update:
I never thought I would be back here, but here I am. To those who aren't aware, my family doesn't want my wife to come to the wedding cause she can't walk and I will always have to care for her and not pay attention to my sister in her wedding.
So coming back to actually what happened, my family visited us today, they apologized for their behaviour, and want both of us to come to the wedding, they did everything in their power to convince my wife that we both should attend.
Their reasoning was that it would be too much of a hassle for me to care for my wife and for my wife as well as she would struggle to get anywhere, they even said they would change the venue and delay the wedding if needed.
My wife agreed, but after they left, I told my wife that my family is probably doing this for appearance cause it wouldn't look good if her brother isn't attending, my wife said it doesn't matter she has forgiven them and they are family so we are going, I said no we aren't and we had huge argument she stood her ground and standing on my own
Well, as one can expect, I don't know if I should attend the wedding, what if they humiliate her?? Who knows what's going on in their mind, humiliating her Is the same as humiliating me, and I want to keep my wife happy and safe. So do what now...
After the update here's what people had to say:
NTA. Support your wife, before everything else. If you have to take the L and go to the wedding, that's OK. If you go to the wedding and they act correctly, Good! If you go to the wedding and they're shit.. support your wife.
You can't make decisions about what she wants or how she wants to handle this situation. You also can't protect her from all the things. She's a grown ass woman with her own things going on.
Right now? Back down, apologize that things got heated, apologize for adding to the stress here. Then listen to what she has to say and support your wife.
throwawayra6769 OP responded:
I have supported my wife all this time and will til I die, but my gut says it's not a good thing for us to attend the wedding, idk if you read my previous posts, but my family is vile. It is not a problem for me to take the L or get humiliated or whatever it is, I just hope that she won't get hurt, don't want to see her hurt at all tbh.
This. When a person has differences in abilities like OPs wife and having to use a wheelchair, you take the lead of the person who is disabled and being targeted. She wants to give them another chance. Let her. Go together, support her and the second they step one single hair out of line, leave.
OP and their partner need to be united on this and have a backup plan that they are both aware of and agree on. Don't let abelist a-holes cause strife in the marriage. They can keep their toxic waste to themselves.