Tinder date 'catfishes' with old full body photos, 'I want to tell her the truth.' AITA?
"WIBTAH for telling Tinder date the real reason I don't want to see her again?"
The short version is ; she's using an older full body pic when she was 100lbs lighter as her main Tinder pic, everything else is heavily filtered, chest up shots. Privately, she's sending old nudes, and heavily filtered shower pics.
She'd mentioned going out with someone who ghosted her after the first date, and claimed to have no idea why. I know why. She's catfishing with old pics.
I told her I wouldn't ghost her, and I'm not trying to be an AH, but I want to tell her the truth when she asks me why I don't want to go out again.
WIBTAH if I explain that I don't think it's right for her to create these unrealistic expectations, and if she wants to find a relationship she should probably be honest about her physical appearance? I'm not fat shaming, but she's lying to herself and everyone else by pretending.
Here's what the top commenters had to say about this one:
Scoobydoobied said:
Nope, she needs a dose of reality.
CaptainFresh27 said:
YWNBTA. But there's also a nice way to say it. Something along the lines of "Hey, you seem like a mature person, and I respect you enough to tell you straight up, I'm finding your pictures to be deceiving.
I understand wanting to use older or editing photos because they're more flattering, but they aren't representing you very well at this point. This isn't to say that you aren't attractive or worthy of love, but I'm just finding the deception to be off-putting, and that's not the way I want to start a relationship. Best of luck to you in the future."
Eastern_Elevator4076 said:
I've been catfished before. I'm a woman, and the man's photos were obviously old. He was much heavier and older in person, and I was really bothered. I don't mind a bigger guy, I'm a curvy girl myself, but it was the deception that was the deal breaker.
If he had used current photos, I still would have matched with him. How can I continue to date you when the very first thing you did to me was lie? I'm very honest with my photos. I have current full body photos to make it clear I'm a bigger gal, so guys who aren't into that can keep swiping.
NTA. With my experience, I was with him for 5 very bewildering minutes until I finally said something like, "I'm sorry, I'm leaving. I don't feel comfortable because your photos don't match who I see in front of me. I feel deceived. Have a good night."
1JJK1 said:
I think she's currently being the AH by posting inaccurate photos. It's not fair to the other people on the other end.
Shibes2 said:
As a fat person, dating was stressful enough without lying to matches. When I matched with my now boyfriend I made sure he knew I was overweight. He had recent pics, we had facetimed, everything. I still was terrified of him seeing me in person for the first time. I would tell her for sure. What she's doing isn't fair to you or herself.
Spirited_Block250 said:
NTA. Just be like, I was really excited to meet you but felt rather disappointed when it became apparent you weren’t honest with the photos you had exchanged, I feel mislead and that’s not a way I can begin a relationship, and in truth most people would have a hard time with that.
You stated you had been ghosted before and I must say I feel it’s possible that it has something to do with what I’m referring to. I wish you all the best but as a result I don’t think we are compatible.
Something like that, where you’re honest but you don’t specifically have to address the weight as much as you address the deceit.