'AITA for telling my dad's wife I don't care that he's cheated on her at least 10 times now?'
"AITA for telling my dad's wife I don't care that he's cheated on her at least 10 times now?"
My dad cheated on my mom when I (16m) was 4. The reason I know this is because my dad's affair partner/now wife is a messy person and not only is she willing to be the other woman, but she stayed with my dad even though he's cheated on her 10 times that she knows about.
My sister (19f) and I never liked dad's relationship with his wife and we never respected or liked her as a person either. We don't even like him. The only reason I still see him is a judge said I had to and threatened to make my mom pay money to the courts every time if I refused to see him, and I don't wanna do that to her. So I go to their house and try to stay out of the house as much as possible.
When we were younger this woman did try to be a second mom to me and my sister and we disrespected her to her face every time she tried. Even when she and my dad had kids together we didn't see her any differently. To us she was always the person who was half the reason our parents marriage ended and dad was the other half. I know people don't like to blame the other woman. But she admits she knew.
When we were younger the reason we knew so much about it is because this woman would break down and cry because mom wouldn't speak to her. And she went on rambling fits about how mom was being unfair and she should understand that this woman and dad were soul mates and yes she knew dad was married but they had to be together and mom should be compassionate.
She also had crying fits about us not liking her and how we shouldn't judge people for sleeping with married men or women because they're real people with real feelings and nobody knows what it's like.
A few weeks ago she had another breakdown in front of me and asked why I never support her when another of dad's affairs is found out. She told me dad cheated while she was having her last kid and I told her I know and she cried even harder and asked why I never supported her and did I know he cheated again last month. I told her I don't care
I said he's repulsive but so is she and I don't care if he cheats on her every day for the rest of their lives because she's nothing to me. She broke down and tried to talk about all the times he cheated and I told her that I don't care that it's been at least 10 times.
She started yelling at me and I walked away but since that day, when my dad's week comes, she's whining whenever I'm nearby and trying to talk me into treating her better. And complaining because my sister blocked her when she tried to talk to her. Which came after my sister laughed at her while she was crying on the phone to her. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
"When a dude marries his AP, he creates a vacancy"
My favorite is "When you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you are married to a man who cheats on his wife."
Your dad's wife entered into a relationship with a married man and continues to stay with him despite his repeated cheating. While she may be a victim of his actions, she's also an adult who made her own choices.
NTA. Tell her she’s being unfair, your dad and his latest tryst are soulmates, and she needs to be more compassionate! Karma’s a b^%$h!
Your dad is a serial adulterer, according to your post. He has to be charming enough to continue finding people to cheat with. You said yourself that your stepmom has tried to connect with you and your sister, and you both reject her attempts out of misplaced anger at the situation.
I won't tell you to grow up because you're still a kid, and we were all immature at 16. But someday, after you've seen how messy being an adult is yourself, you'll soften your stance in regard to your stepmom. From your own description it sounds like she's a victim of the situation too, having made a mistake with your dad.
I wouldn't be surprised to find that there's also a significant age gap between your dad and step-mom. She was likely young and dumb herself when they began their affair.
She's a year younger than my dad and two years older than my mom. Not young and dumb. She knew she was the other woman. She knew and told herself it was okay. Yes, she has tried with me and my sister but it's not good enough. We don't want her. My sister has no contact with her or dad anymore and I'll follow once I can.
She's no victim. She chose to marry a guy who cheated and knew about it and she chooses to stay. She got herself into this mess. And she created the broken situation she has now along with my dad. He'll probably lose all his kids one day. He's almost down 2 of us but doesn't care. And I think he's a disgusting person too.
How old were your parents when you were born? What did your dad tell her about your mom during the affair? Did he lie and say she was evil, and he loved your step-mom and wanted to be with her? Did he lie and say she was cheating too, and justify his actions?
Do you think perhaps your stepmom was duped by a guy who seems to cheat a lot and is clearly good at manipulating women? Do you ask for any context before hating this woman because your mom does?
You'll get why any of this matters in ten years. I saw everything in black and white end I was a teen too.
Dad was 29 when I was born and mom was 26. I never asked questions. Why would I? She has said it herself, she believes they were soul mates and that made it okay to do what they did because they belonged together.
Why are you so determined to see her as a victim? What do you get out of cheating affair partners like innocent victims? I don't understand why you're making all these assumptions and then moving onto other stuff.
I don't hate her because my mom hates her. I hate her because I know what she did and I think she's pathetic and whiney and incredibly delusional. She's the person who let me and my sister know what we do. She's tried to excuse and justify it ever since. And even if she is a victim of dad? She's not a victim in our lives and never will be.