'AITA - I told my ex they have a month to move out on XMAS eve.'
"AITA - I told my ex they have a month to move out on XMAS eve."
My ex and i broke up over a month ago now and have been trying to still live together. It wasn't working out and I’m the only one on the lease agreement. So, after a lot of deliberation I gave my ex a month's notice to move out.. on christmas eve. AITA?
Backstory: I'm 19 and we had been together for about 2.5 years. We moved in together around a year in. I was leaving town to go to college and her mom had kicked her out. The beginning of our relationship was based around a lot of trauma bonding and it produced a really toxic relationship.
My girlfriend (lesbian relationship lol) always had oddly close friendships with people (ie: cuddling, texting 24/7, etc) that made me uncomfortable. Whenever I brought up my concerns about how close these friendships, she would just say she wouldn’t be friends with them anymore.
But she’d just find a new one in a few weeks. During the relationship she didn't have a car or drivers license so everyday I drove her to work on top of being a student and working part time. So I didn't really have time to make any friends after moving to my college town.
Right before I ended things there was another girl that came along and she was over at our place frequently. She spent the night a lot, cuddled up with my now ex-girlfriend. I again expressed my discomfort and asked if she could take a step back from the friendship.
This was after I found texts including statements like: "you're my favorite person" and i love you wars with each other. She said she would take a step back except kept texting her behind my back.
I found out a few days later and broke up with her. That night she said she was going to go spend the night at a different mutual friends house, but instead she was lying and spent the night at the new girls house.
The next morning I woke up to a text from said girl saying she didn't know what I'd "convinced" myself was happening but that she didn't like my ex like that. I apologized to her... in retrospect I wish I hadn't.
My ex came home later that day and essentially told me i was a manipulative and controlling POS. And said that she wanted someone who "needed" her and said I could never understand her traumatic childhood. I said I was sorry.
Fast forward a week, my ex was still acting like we were still together. We slept in the same bed and were going out together... I know that's also terrible but I was an emotional wreck and more then anything wanted the person back that I had gotten into the relationship with. I'm a people pleaser to my core lmao.
Household chores wise she would never clean up after herself before or after the breakup and it was an argument every time something needed to be cleaned. I also felt uncomfortable being in the house whenever she brought the newest girl home, as she was giggling and ignoring me.
And I could never have my friends over because my ex has a tendency to make fun of people, so I didn't want to put them in that situation. Anyway, I went home at the beginning of winter break and reconnected with a bunch of people I hadn't been able to talk to over the timeline of my relationship.
This was due to lack of time or my ex's disapproval in my friends. I reconnected with my ex's old best friend which really opened my eyes to how negatively the relationship was impacting my life after hearing how it impacted hers.
Soon after I decided I wanted my ex to move out and this was December 22. I wanted to tell her the day after, but she had work and then stayed out till 4 AM. So then it was Christmas eve and I needed to get it off my chest because I couldn't stay in a situation where i was getting hurt.
I confided in my mom who said I just needed to get it over with especially bc my ex wanted to spend Christmas together. I told her she had until the end of January to figure out a new place to live.
She tried to argue that a month wasn't enough time but I managed to stay firm. A day later she came home yelling at me for making her leave all her friends here by "kicking" her out.
Btw she completely has the option to stay in the area but she doesn't want to live w/ a college student. She's choosing to move back to our hometown. So AITA? I recognize doing it on Christmas Eve was probably really mean and I just feel horrible about doing it in general.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
It sucks that it happened on Christmas Eve, but what’s the alternative? Keep letting her disrespect you and walk all over you during the holidays? Nope. You were fair by giving her notice, and her choices are her own responsibility.
Month is generous. Don't beat yourself up.
NTA It's too bad you couldn't do it on her birthday. Your ex is a serial cheater who liked to rub your face in it and ran off all your friends by being rude. She deserves nothing but scorn.
NTA. Good riddance don’t get sucked back in.