'AITA for telling my mom that it was very obvious that she and my dad never liked me?'
"AITA for telling my mom that it was very obvious she and my dad they never liked me?"
I never fit in with my family and they made sure I knew it. They were disappointed that I’m not into all the stuff they’re into, I have no interest in board games or video games, I don’t like fantasy or science fiction novels. Maybe when I was really little and I just wanted to “fit in” with my family.
I tried to fit in, but they never did the same for me. My brother mocks things I like, my parents just watched it happen. Or even join in. My friend’s mom was SO nice and took us to the Eras tour. My own Mom just laughed at me when I showed her pictures of our outfits. I found a show I thought everyone might like (White Lotus) and they literally started just making fun of it from the get go.
After years of hard work I got into a NYC school and moved here with 2 friends and one of their cousins. I know in my heart this was me moving out forever. Even after just a few weeks of being here with them, I feel more accepted than I’ve ever felt in my life.
Well my mom FaceTimed to see how things were going and I told her it was amazing. I could literally see on her face that she just did not care. I mentioned that we were all excited bc it's my first Christmas in NYC and we’d get to see cool things.
She kind of smirked and rolled her eyes. And I think that really broke something in me. Because my friend’s mom that’s a f^%$#ng burnt out peds nurse literally made us a schedule of things we COULD do and see this week and asked us to send pics of the tree and everything.
So I said to her that it’s okay and she doesn’t have to pretend anymore. She said she didn’t understand. I said she doesn’t have to pretend to be interested or care about what I’m doing. That I know they never liked me and that they were happy I was leaving.
She was stunned and asked me why I would say something so horrible, of course she and Dad love me. I said you might love me, but I know you guys don’t like me. You never stop rolling your eyes at the things I say, you never show interest in anything I do, you make fun of me for liking things you don’t like. When I told you I was going to move to NYC you started talking about turning my room into a library.
She got visibly angry and said that I’m being dramatic. I said there’s a reason I came to NYC for school and there’s a reason that no one in my family tried to stop me, encouraged me to stay closer, and why not a single one of them asked when I’d come back. And that it's fine, I don't care anymore. I have the family I need here.
She told me that I suddenly think I'm too good for my own family. I told her that she's always thought they were too good for me, so I guess it works out. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
There’s no point in arguing with someone like her. She will forever refuse to see the truth. If you want to keep her around in some ways, keep her surface level. Saves lots of pain. Sorry you’re going through this but I’m proud of you for trying to stand up for yourself even if she’s too selfish to realize her own fault.
OP didn’t burn this bridge they did. All OP did was finally point out that it’s been on fire for years. Sometimes the hardest part of growing up is realizing that not all family relationships are healthy, and it’s okay for OP to walk away from them for her own peace.
NTA. Sometimes the truth hurts, but if your family’s been rolling their eyes at everything you care about, they shouldn’t be shocked when you finally speak up. It’s about finding where you truly feel valued, and clearly, that’s not at home.
NTA. Protect your peace and block your family for now if you need to.
Honestly, I think you’re both TA. I struggle with this in my family too, however, if you have never expressed these feelings before or asked them to consider/change their behaviour, then I don’t think it’s fair to lash out at her now. Maybe I’m making excuses because of my issues with my own family, but that’s my opinion. Either way I hope you’re doing well OP!
Who is paying for your school? Its one thing to move away and if you are financially responsible for yourself, great. Otherwise, you're shooting yourself in the foot.
Idk I think maybe YTA. your family never said they don’t like you. That’s just an impression you got cause you don’t share interests and you think you saw someone roll their eyes
And that justifies speaking in such a disrespectful way to your mother who raised you and loves you? I don’t think so.
Nah they KNEW what they were doing. They just didn't think he'd bite back!