'AITA for not letting my stepsis in my bridal party because she lied to my family about being part of my wedding?'

"My mom is becoming a menace so I told her not to come to my wedding."

Party_Tomatillo_3770 writes:

So, my wedding has become a headache because of others' expectations. To explain: I was asked by my two closest friends to have them as my bridesmaid and bridesman, and my husband has his groomsmen. I never, ever, ever claimed, stated, or implied that I was going to ask my stepsister to be in my wedding. We're not even close.

I don't speak to her very often, and she's not really a part of my life. But for some reason, my stepsister, stepdad, and some of their family, as well as my grandma, all came to the conclusion that I had asked or expressed that I would ask my stepsister to be my bridesmaid.

This did not happen. I understand if she wanted it. She always hated the "step" in stepsisters and wanted a sister and always longed for me to want her the same way. So, I could see her maybe getting carried away with hope.

But it became this thing between them all, and when we went shopping for the bridesmaid and bridesman outfits and she wasn't invited, they decided she was being treated as less than in the bridal party... which she was never a part of it.

I got so many texts, DMs, and voice calls about this and how could I do that and how could I ask her and then treat her so differently. I told them all I never said a thing, I never asked her, I never ever implied I would ask her. But they all said they knew that wasn't true and they wouldn't have been as excited for my stepsister if I hadn't asked.

My mom decided, despite hearing from me that I never asked and knowing I would never have asked my stepsister because I don't consider her close to me, that she was going to join them in trying to shame me for treating her differently than the others in my bridal party.

She told me I really hurt my stepsister's feelings by dangling what she always wanted in front of her to use it as an excuse to treat her like an outsider. I argued that I never asked her. She said I still got her hopes up.

I asked how when she was never asked. I haven't even spoken to my stepsister since my engagement, with the exception of when things all got back to me, and I became the target for everyone's anger.

Mom told me I should make this right and she's disappointed in me and how cruel I was being. I told her if that's how she feels and if she's going to punish me for the expectations others had that I never fed into, then she shouldn't come to the wedding.

My mom got even more angry and told me pushing everyone away and stopping them from coming to the wedding is not the answer. AITA? Both stepsister and I are 25, just to be clear. We're both grown adults.

Individual_Ad_9213 says:

NTA (Not the A^#@ole). If I were you, I'd uninvite the lot of them. If they can't behave properly at your wedding, you don't need to have them there.

Beck2010 says:

NTA. But, girl, it is well past time for you to get a shiny spine here. You might even want to ask your mom exactly why she’s putting stepsister’s wants over her own daughter.

buttercugrump says:

NTA. It's your and your fiancé's wedding. Not your stepsister's, not your mom's, not anyone else's. If they want to behave badly, they need to be uninvited.

FluffyBunny_2024 says:

NTA. Elope and tell no one. Use the money for the wedding for something else.

Successful_Bath1200 says:

NTA. Wow! what a toxic bunch your family are. Un invite them.

FuzzyMom2005 says:

NTA. Stand your ground. Tell your mother, your stepsister and anyone else who is pushing: "Stepsister is not and was not intended to be a bridesmaid. My bridal party is set. Stop trying to bully me into making decisions. If you cannot stop, you are welcome to not attend. If you cannot stop, you will be blocked."

Make sure you have passwords on all your vendors. And make sure you have security at the wedding and reception for those people who cannot or will not controls themselves. Security can be an usher, a trusted friend or someone the venue supplies.

This person should handle issues without involving you or your fiancé. Make sure they know to turn away anyone not invited, anyone who raises a fuss, who shows up dressed as a bridesmaid or a bride who isn't either.