'AITA for telling my sister she deserved to lose her job after sabotaging mine?'
"AITA for telling my sister she deserved to lose her job after sabotaging mine?"
Okay, this is going to be long, and I know emotions are high, but I’m at a loss here and could really use an outside perspective. I have an older sister, Rachel. Growing up, we were pretty close, and even though we had our fair share of sibling fights, I always admired her.
Rachel is the “golden child” in our family—super smart, talented, always the center of attention. I was always the quieter, more reserved one.
Fast forward to adulthood: Rachel got into a prestigious college and went into finance, making good money early on. Meanwhile, I struggled for a bit, bouncing from job to job, never quite sure what I wanted to do.
Eventually, I found my passion in graphic design, went back to school, and worked hard to land a great position at a marketing firm last year. For once, I felt like I was on equal footing with my sister, and I was really proud of myself. My parents were too, though they were still obviously more focused on Rachel and her success.
Here’s where things took a turn. About six months ago, Rachel lost her job due to company downsizing. It was tough on her, and I tried to be there for her as much as possible.
But during that time, she became bitter and resentful—constantly making passive-aggressive comments about how “easy” my job must be compared to hers and how graphic design wasn’t “real work.” It hurt, but I bit my tongue because I knew she was going through a rough patch.
Then, three months ago, a major project came up at my job. It was a huge deal, and if I nailed it, it would mean a big promotion. I was under a lot of pressure, and while I was working late one night, Rachel called and asked to hang out.
I explained how stressed I was, but she brushed it off, saying she could help me “blow off steam” and that I was making too big a deal out of the project. Again, I bit my tongue. I didn’t want to cause a fight, but I could feel myself starting to resent her attitude.
The next day, I come home from a long day at work, and my laptop is gone. I freaked out because all the files for my project were on it (yeah, I know, I should’ve backed them up elsewhere, but I was overwhelmed). I called Rachel, and she admitted that she had borrowed it to “teach me a lesson” about not prioritizing family over work.
She said she’d return it in a few hours, but by then, it was too late—I missed an important deadline, and the whole project got scrapped. I was devastated.
I confronted her, and she was unapologetic, saying I was “letting work take over my life” and that I needed to “chill.” I lost my temper and told her she was selfish and that she didn’t understand what it was like to fight for every opportunity like I had. In the end, I didn’t get the promotion, and my boss even questioned my reliability. I was heartbroken and felt like I had to start over from square one.
Fast forward to last week: Rachel was still unemployed and struggling to find something in her field. We were at a family dinner when my parents started asking Rachel about her job search.
She was venting about how “unfair” the job market is and how nobody would hire her. I don’t know what came over me, but I snapped. I said, “Maybe you deserve to be unemployed after sabotaging my career.” The whole table went silent.
Rachel started crying, my parents freaked out at me for “kicking her while she’s down,” and I stormed out. Since then, I’ve been getting constant texts from my parents, saying I should apologize, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I feel like she never faced any consequences for what she did to me, and for once, I just wanted her to feel the weight of her actions.
But now, I’m wondering if I went too far. She’s still my sister, and she’s clearly struggling, but I can’t get over how she ruined my career moment and didn’t even feel bad about it. So…AITA for what I said? Should I have kept my mouth shut even though she hurt me so deeply? Or was I justified in finally standing up for myself after years of feeling overshadowed?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA, funny how your parents defend her when you insult her for being horrible and "kicking her while she's down", but when she sabotages your job they don't do anything.
Sounds like they have a case of selective parenting. Sorry you have to deal with that, OP.
HumdrumPrisoner OP responded:
Thank you. To be a little fair, I didn't report her to them.
That should change. You are wrong for not telling them.
HumdrumPrisoner OP responded:
I don't care about reporting things to my parents, nothing changes anyway. No matter how bad the sitution they would find ways to downplay whatever it is she has done.
And then at dinner they immediately took Rachel's side and made you out to be the devil when not even considering how she sabotaged your job. Clear golden child syndrome.
HumdrumPrisoner OP responded:
And i'm so used to it, and that's why this feels so good .
OP admits she never told her parents about what Rachel did so on the surface OP looked like a total AH to them. That's actually on OP. Rachel is the AH here for sure but I don't fault the parents for making a judgement with the information they were given.
HumdrumPrisoner OP responded:
Begs the question of why i didn't tell them in the first place, they we're going to take it very lightly and say something along the lines of remember she's your sister and you have to look out for each other.
But your sister screwed you royally and did it on purpose! I would tell your parents and not back down when they try to justify her actions. NTA - she freaking deserves it. What she did was beyond nasty.
NTAH! Stand up for yourself even if family got upset. She cost you your big moment and no one seemed to care. Time to reevaluate what role they actually play in your current life. Family, like all relationships change and they don’t take you seriously.
HumdrumPrisoner OP responded:
Thank you.
Your sister is a c&*%. You, however, are 1000% NTA.
I well agree and that's why i would not be apologizing.
NTA Have you checked if her company really downsized or if sister was fired? When you don't have any ethics like your sister then eventually it catches up to you.
HumdrumPrisoner OP responded:
Never thought about it like that honestly.
… you’re severely under-reacting to this. NTA, your sister is an awful person and I’d have reported her to the police for theft. Go no contact with your garbage family.
HumdrumPrisoner OP responded:
Garbage family is accurate, and you're not wrong. I'm moving out soon and honestly i just wanna go.
OoooooWeeee I would have made her eat that computer. NTA
HumdrumPrisoner OP responded:
My friend said the same thing, but she's older and i guess i'm a little too used to her bull^&%$.
Do you still have your job?
HumdrumPrisoner OP responded:
Yes i do.
Phew! Absolutely not dismissing your sister’s vile behaviour, not at all, but a relief that you’re self-supporting, not reliant on your family. Can you move out?
HumdrumPrisoner OP responded:
Honestly i can, but i would suffer a lot for some time. I already have a savings plans that would be eligible in a few months and then i can comfortably move out.
Excellent! At least you can count down to starting your new life.
She's going to steal your laptop again. Or puncture your tires. Or something else that will get you in trouble at work with the goal of getting you fired. So you can be unemployed just like she is. Watch out.
HumdrumPrisoner OP responded:
I'm making plans to move out soon, hopefully i'm gone before any of that happens.