'AITA for telling my wife I’m done with her 'emergency calls' and leaving her stranded?'
"AITA for telling my wife I’m done with her 'emergency calls' and leaving her stranded?"
I (32M) have been married to my wife (29F) for four years, and we have a 3-year-old son. She’s not a bad person, but she’s constantly in a state of chaos, and every little thing becomes my problem. No exaggeration, I get these “emergency” calls multiple times a week. Flat tire? Call me at work. Forgot her wallet? Call me. Grocery store out of her favorite oat milk? Blow up my phone like the world’s ending.
It’s relentless. I work full-time and do my fair share at home with our son: diaper duty, bedtime stories, cooking, cleaning, you name it. But these “crises” are killing me. I’ve told her before that unless it’s a real emergency, like someone bleeding or stuck on a highway at night, she needs to figure it out. I don’t have the bandwidth to drop everything constantly.
The last straw came two days ago. I had to take my son to the doctor because he had an ear infection, and I was already running on fumes. While I’m in the waiting room with a fussy toddler, she calls me in a panic because she locked herself out of her car in front of a Target five minutes from home.
I told her, “I can’t leave. You’ll have to call someone to pop the window.” She freaked out, saying that would cost too much, she didn’t bring enough cash, and I was being unreasonable. I stayed firm, said she needed to figure it out, and hung up.
When I got home later, she was furious. She said the guy charged her $150, and I should’ve come to help because she “didn’t think to grab her wallet.” I told her, point blank, “I’m done rescuing you from things you can easily handle. You need to stop acting like everything is a disaster.”
Now she’s barely speaking to me, acting like I’m the villain for not dropping everything for her again. My brother thinks I was harsh, but my mom said I was right to set boundaries. AITA for leaving her stranded this time?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. "My car wont open." "I'm at the doctor with our son. You are not the priority."
Sejeanus OP responded:
That’s exactly it. I was focused on our son, and it felt like she didn’t see what really mattered. I can’t keep putting everything aside for every little issue.
She had so many options—go back into Target, get a coffee and wait for dad to be done at the doctor. Or, walk home and get the car later. Uber home and get the car later. Sounds like she’s missing some critical thinking skill.
NTA she sounds exhausting.
Sejeanus OP responded:
It’s draining, to say the least. It feels like every small inconvenience turns into a crisis, and I’m always the first call. At some point, I just hit my limit.
Was she always like this or has it gotten worse recently? Does she work? Is her job stressful?
Sejeanus OP responded:
She’s always been a bit scattered, but it feels like it’s gotten worse recently. It’s tough to figure out how to help her manage things when she’s at home all day and still struggles with everyday tasks.
Man you were on the doctor with your sick son and she is a fucking grown ass adult that should be taking care of her own matters. She is adult enough to fuck, marry and have kids, but not to take care of herself in some scenarios. What the F. Seems you have two kids at home to raise. I do not envy you. And don't dare to forget her 'favorite oat milk'. Grow a pair man, grow a pair.
Sejeanus OP responded:
That makes sense. It’s hard not to feel overwhelmed when I’m juggling so much. I really need her to take more responsibility so I can focus on what’s important.
She needs to speak to a therapist dude. This has ADHD written all over it. It’s not a matter of “balance” unless you’re talking about brain chemistry.
Sejeanus OP responded:
That could really help her. If there’s something deeper going on, talking to a therapist might give her the tools she needs. I’m open to that for sure.
NTA, I think your son's health is more important than a car window, maybe remind her of this fact.
Sejeanus OP responded:
I wish she could see that some things can wait. I need her to understand that I can’t always drop everything, especially when it comes to our son’s needs.
INFO - what happened in the grocery store out of milk incident
Sejeanus OP responded:
She called me while I was at work, freaking out about the grocery store being out of her favorite oat milk. It wasn’t just a simple call; it was like the world was ending. She was insisting that I needed to help her find it, and when I suggested she try another brand or go to a different store, she acted like that wasn’t an option.
It felt so unnecessary, especially when there are plenty of alternatives. It was just one of those moments that made me realize how overwhelmed I am with her constant crises.
Wow... that is not something that should overwhelm a normal adult. You are right, she needs to be able handle life, and stop making mountains out of mole hills. It sounds like she spiraling and having issues with executive function. She needs help.
Sejeanus OP added:
Sounds like some people think I’m just looking for validation, but I’m the one bringing in the income while juggling everything else. If my wife is out running errands and ends up in an “emergency,” it should be manageable without me dropping everything. It’s frustrating to feel like I have to handle all the pressure while she can’t seem to take responsibility for her actions.