'AITA for turning away my partner's grandparents?' 'They showed up unannounced.'
"AITA for turning away my partner's grandparents when they showed up unannounced?"
My partner and I had twins in February. We're currently living in her parents' neighboring house because they acquired it after the neighbor passed away, and we're renting/renovating it with them. We have set clear boundaries that we don't want surprise visitors, and we would like it if they only came over once or twice a week so we can have some privacy.
Today, my partner's dad texted her while she was trying to nap, letting her know that her grandmother (his mother) had shown up at their house unannounced. We appreciated the heads-up, and she continued with trying to rest, as the twins were finally fed, changed, and no longer being fussy.
About 10-15 minutes later, her phone starts ringing, and I see it's her dad. I answered, and he let me know her grandma and grandpa were walking over. I told him I would turn them away, as everyone was finally sleeping and it wasn't a good time. He said "You shouldn't do that, because it will start a fight." I said "Oh well, it's not a good time."
Her grandparents rang the doorbell twice during that phone call, almost back to back, waking her and one of the boys up. I told her to just keep sleeping, I'll deal with it. I answered the door, and her grandma could tell I was exhausted, because she asked if we were sleeping.
I said "Yes, we all are." She said "Too bad," and tried stepping towards the door. I pulled it shut a little more so it was barely open enough for me, and told her "No. It's not a good time. They haven't been sleeping good, and I don't want them waking up since they're finally asleep." She pretended she was ok with it, and parted ways.
A few minutes later, my partner called her dad with the boys screaming in the background, telling him we turned them away. He did what he usually does when he's mad, and kept giving short, one or two word replies.
Then, after she was done talking, he blew up, talking about how he's going to have to deal with her grandma being pissed off now, and saying something like "I might as well broadcast your damn rules to everyone to not show up unless they call ahead!" along with some other stuff I didn't catch, as I was in the other room. She started crying, said bye while he was still yelling, and hung up.
Now I feel like I shouldn't have told her grandparents to come back another day, because her dad apparently can't deal with his mother's (or his own) emotions, and it would've been easier to just deal with them coming in and disturbing the peace that we had just managed to establish. So, AITA for turning them away? Should I have just dealt with them coming in for a little while?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
No_Philosopher_1870 said:
NTA. People should call ahead and see whether it is a good time for a visit, not just provide a heads up and presume permission to visit. The more respectful that the parents and grandparents are now, the more inclined you might be to cut them some slack later on, but if they start off being rude, they won't get that grace.
ailweni said:
NTA. Maybe you should go over there one day at 3 am and ring the doorbell. If they complain, well, they should have broadcast that rule to everyone.
Ok_Homework_7621 said:
NTA. Waking up one sleeping baby is bad, but two? You should be the one getting mad. BTW, it's relatively simple to disconnect the doorbell or even put in a switch to turn it on/off. It's a blessing sometimes.
buckeye-person said:
Visitation should only be granted when the visitors have asked permission and been told yes, not simply notifying they are coming. You are NTA. Hate to say it but Grandma is.
StyraxCarillon said:
You were right to set and enforce your boundaries. You're dealing with boundary stompers, so it will get worse before it gets better, unfortunately. Learning how not to cave when someone throws a tantrum will hold you in good stead with your twins. NTA.
dart1126 said:
NTA. Who on earth would try to badger their way into your home after hearing that you are all sleeping and saying "too bad?!?" The unbelievable height of rudeness. Does not need any entertaining or condoning.