'AITA for turning down a man because of his gold digger test?'
"AITA for turning down a man because of his gold digger test?"
Odd_Fox_9105
I went on a date with a guy, who I met through a dating app. The date started out good, we had a great time until I asked him what he does for work. He said he is a tradesman and so I asked his what kind. He seemed to hesitate for half a second, then said carpenter.
I started asking him questions, like what kind of carpentry he does, furniture, structural, roofing, etc. Carpentry is such an interesting topic so I was genuinely curious. But he fumbled and kind of tried to change the topic, which I was not having.
He ended up admitting that he is not a carpenter, he just wanted to test me. He apparently makes a lot of money and wants women to like him because of his personality and not for his money.
So he has to be cautious and made up a “low-paying job” as a test. I told him his personality is dishonest and that he had actually failed my test of being a decent person.
When I was complaining to one of my friends, she said that I overreacted a bit and at least should’ve asked about his past experiences, because he has probably been burned before and I have no idea what it’s like to be a high earning man. But I kind of do have an idea, as I work with a lot of well-paid men and none of them do outrageous nonesense like this. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
flytingnotfighting
Also “low paying job”? A good carpenter makes very very decent money.
Sea_Ambassador7438
People really underestimate how much skilled trade jobs bring in.
2LostFlamingos
Completely agree.
Also suggests dude is rich as heck since he’s so far removed from middle class.
Any_Assumption_2023
A skilled carpenter makes VERY good money. My father was a General Contractor, his best custom cabinet maker made almost as much as he did. If this guy wants a "Golddigger" test, he needs to choose another profession. Teacher perhaps? We don't ever pay our teachers even half of what they're worth.
grayblue_grrl
NTA.
We have no evidence that he really is a high earning man. Just his word.
But you do have evidence his is a liar.
OCWBmusic
Exactly my thoughts. Most people lie to make themselves sound better, not worse. I'd bet he's a deadbeat who couldn't bullshit his way through lies about having a respectable job, so he upped the ante with another lie.
The OP responded here:
Odd_Fox_9105
The fun thing is that at the end, he tried to flaunt his salary and get me to stay that way. “I earn close to X, and in 2 years, it will be Y, so you must understand why I have to be cautious.” And “I’m very generous with the people, who are worth it”…
BombshellJamboree
A carpenter! That’s a catch! Does he know a plumber? Maybe have a cousin who’s an electrician?. You could be marrying into a GC! Of course you’re disappointed he’s just some lying tech bro.
Top_Airport6285
NTA, this dude has baggage you probably don't need to be dealing with.
PJTILTON
I always laugh at stories like this. I spent my career as a partner in a large law firm consistently earning more than $500,000 per year. Money is no assurance of relationship success. Most of the women I dated found lots of other reasons to reject me.
Big_Zucchini_9800
NTA. I went on a date with a similar guy and he was fucking insufferable. If he values himself so highly because of his earning he should be looking for a high-earning woman or just planning on a solid prenup, not going around testing women with lies.
I, personally, would FAR prefer to date a carpenter than a stock exchange guy, so I would feel bait-and-switched if I agreed to date a Carpenter--nice useful, artistic guy who was good with his hands--and instead got StockMan--a hardcore capitalist pig.
Open-Incident-3601
NTA. His “test” gave away his character flaw. He showed you that he’s a snob. The job he chose to “slum it” is pretty lucrative if you’re good and especially if you build your company up. He is a jerk.
altarwisebyowllight
Possible red flag on top of the test: he assumes a carpenter is beneath what he does if he uses it as the "low paying job" option. A good carpenter can make bank, and it is not easy physically OR mentally. I would be concerned about how he perceives others and the assumptions he makes about their places in society.
avrand6
My gold digger test is just to insist on separate checks on a first date.
BojackTrashMan
Funny. I always offer to pay half on blind dates from apps where we're both strangers & no one did the asking out in particular (I'm female & typically I abide by whoever did the asking out pays if we already know each other, & I do ask men out) but I've run into a shocking amount of dudes who are offended by this.
They act like it's implying they can't pay. I assume that they can pay. I also assume they might not want to take on the expense of a billion first dates with strangers, so I don't ask them to. But I've considered stopping this habit because a lot of people don't like it.
SnooWords4839
NTA - Give your friend his info and tell her to go date a liar.