'Unappreciated' and 'used' woman steps down as Maid of Honor, 'the FINAL STRAW was finding a video.' AITA?

"AITA for stepping down as Maid of Honor after feeling completely unappreciated and used?"

I (29F) really need some outside perspective on this situation because I’ve been feeling torn and heartbroken. I’m currently the Maid of Honor for a friend’s wedding. We met at Varsity in 2015 and have been friends ever since. Originally, I was asked to be a bridesmaid, and another friend (also 29F) was asked to be Maid of Honor.

A few months in, it became clear that nothing was being organized – no bachelorette, no bridal shower, no invites, nothing. The bride thought the MOH was handling everything, but it was falling apart.

I took it upon myself to plan a small, intimate event at a local café to mark the three-month countdown to the wedding. I tried involving the MOH, but she never responded to my messages or calls. On the day, she showed up hungover, possibly still drunk, and the bride finally realized how dire things were.

Over the next few weeks, I stepped in to support my friend emotionally and took on all the planning duties without expecting the title. Eventually, the bride confronted the MOH, who agreed to step down and remain just a bridesmaid. The bride asked me to take over as MOH, and I agreed, just wanting to make sure her dream wedding came together.

Since then, I’ve planned everything that should have been organized over a year in just two months. I went above and beyond for the bachelorette weekend, spending countless hours on DIY projects, creating themed WhatsApp groups, and planning down to the finest detail. I spent way more money than I budgeted (about R $ 320- 409), but I did it because I care.

However, at the bachelorette, I realized I was an outsider among the bridesmaids (who are all in their early 20s and close friends with the bride). They were cold and sometimes outright rude. One even made a snide remark about my personality, stating that now that they know I have OCD, feel bad for calling me “a control freak” behind my back.

The bride, too, seemed distant. Even though I didn’t expect huge gratitude, it stung when she made an Instagram post thanking the former MOH for making the weekend “everything I ever wanted” while my contribution was barely acknowledged.

It’s been almost a week, and I’ve cried nearly every day. I feel like a glorified wedding planner rather than a friend. The final straw was finding a video where someone asked the bride about a gift I had specially arranged, and she just smiled and said “yes” without giving me any credit.

I can’t help but feel completely used and unappreciated. I know stepping down as MOH now would probably end our friendship, but I’m not sure if I can continue to put my heart and soul into something where I feel so undervalued.

Am I the ahole if I step down and walk away from this friendship? Or am I just being overly emotional and reading too much into it? I would really appreciate any advice or thoughts because I’m feeling so lost right now.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

EndsIn-ing said:

NTA. These wedding party expectations are ludicrous - not just this one, but the broader mentions throughout reddit. Though in this case it seems really self-inflicted. It's not your job to pay for the bride's happiness.

Read that again. The bride is not a glorified deity to be worshipped and doted on. You are not her literal maid all the way from engagement to marriage. It's not your job. At all. It's not anyone's job. Self-reflect here if your "OCD" is really just a scream for being wanted/ needed. MOH is not a real job and you were not competing with the hangover queen.

archetyping101 said:

NTA. To be honest, it doesn't sound like she's a friend anymore. You clearly valued the friendship and she clearly valued the labor you put into her pre wedding events. The lack of acknowledgement and the cold shoulder was proof enough that she genuinely doesn't have a close relationship to you like you thought.

Also, I think you put a lot of energy into something for someone you care for and turns out she wasn't appreciative. She cared more about the pomp and showing it off on social media. You should talk to her.

Bitter-Paramedic-531 said:

Sorry, but this whole concept of the bridal party taking on so much for someone else's wedding is crazy to me, and don't get me started on the money you are supposed to spend. It causes so much friction and ruins friendships, so it's beyond me why anyone would want the job!!! If that was the ask, it would be a polite thanks, but no thanks from me.

I've been a bridesmaid 3 times, and the most I've been expected to do is organize a hen do. Same for the bridesmaids at my wedding. It's the bride and groom responsibility to sort out everything else. NTA.

SuccessfulAd4606 said:

"I know stepping down as MOH now would probably end our friendship" What friendship? Why would you want to stay friends with her? Or are you imagining a lot of this? She can't control her bridesmaids, but nowhere do you mention having a discussion with her, only Instagram posts and videos. Did you talk to her?

Initial_Potato5023 said:

NTA This is NOT a friend. Cut your losses and move on. She has no regard for you or your feelings.

dawnveil said:

NTA, you didn't have much time to work with but gave it your all because you cared, and didn't receive proper acknowledgement. It's ok to walk away from a friendship like this.

Quick-Possession-245 said:

You have already done the work and spent the money, so the bride won't care. Not sure why you care about ending the friendship, because it doesn't sound like you'd be losing a good one. Do what your gut tells you. NTA.