'AITA for buying Christmas gifts for all my nephews and nieces, except the 5yo?'
"AITA for buying Christmas gifts for all my nephews and nieces, except the 5yo?"
My parents were very busy. I have 6 siblings. I am second oldest. Me and my older brother have no contact for about 8 years. He lived in another country with his wife and 5 year old son. This year they moved back to our country. They always spent Christmas with his wife's parents and then came to our parents the next day without me present.
A couple of years back I had a tragedy and got a lot for compensation. I invested and am now living very good from passive income. For the last 3 years I buy all the gifts for Christmas for my nephews and nieces. My siblings give me their letters for Santa and I go all out. I absolutely love seeing them when they open the gifts.
I already got all the letters this year and have all the gifts ready. But then last week my mother wanted to give me another letter. She said it's from my nephew from my oldest brother. I was surprised, but then told her that I won't buy anything for him. I dont even know him and I am not prepared to spend that much on stranger kid. My parents then told me that we cant single him out.
That he would be very sad seeing other kids opening gifts and him not getting anything. I told them they can buy the gifts, and maybe my siblings will chip in. My mother started crying that they cant match my gifts and bagged me to reconsider. I refused. I am hurt even because I just found out that my brothers family will be with us for Christmas.
Now they are text bombing me that I'm ruining Christmas. My partner said that maybe we should buy gifts for my nephew. That he is innocent and one more smile wont hurt. AITA if I refuse?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
EmeraldBlueZen said:
You cannot leave a child out during a holiday celebration. Its cruel. If you do insist on not getting him a gift, then give the others their gifts when he's not around. OR give all the kids inexpensive gifts and then give the others their normal gifts at another time. I'll have to go with YTA (You're the As*hole).
emeryldmist said:
YTA. He is a child, you are intentionally singling him out as not worth as much as the others. Of course it is your money and you can do what you want with it... as*holes and non-as*holes have that prerogative alike. You stated that you can afford it so do it. Use this as an opportunity to get to know the kid.
I never said expensive presents. A 5 y.o. doesn't care about the cost of the gifts they just don't want to be left out. Further down I suggested that OP choose from a list of cost effective presents the kid would love and the parents would hate! Such as: kazoo, fisher price karaoke set, toy guitar, harmonica, train whistle, candy, something with a lot of glitter, a stuffy that talks (think furbie) etc.
coastalkid92 said:
NTA. Your money is yours and you can spend it on who and what you choose. Now that being said, I can understand where your parents and partner are coming from.
If your nephew is going to be there and watch your other niblings opening this awesome pile of gifts from Santa (not you, Santa), he's going to feel confused, hurt and left out. To be clear, it's not your responsibility to fulfill the obligation of Santa treats but you are likely to see one sad little boy on Christmas Day.
I agree that I think if you've been estranged from him for a while, asking the remainder of your family to contribute in some way is a sensible solution but if this is your line in the sand, you're not in the wrong.
coastalkid92 said:
NTA. Your money is yours and you can spend it on who and what you choose. Now that being said, I can understand where your parents and partner are coming from.
If your nephew is going to be there and watch your other niblings opening this awesome pile of gifts from Santa (not you, Santa), he's going to feel confused, hurt and left out. To be clear, it's not your responsibility to fulfill the obligation of Santa treats but you are likely to see one sad little boy on Christmas Day.
I agree that I think if you've been estranged from him for a while, asking the remainder of your family to contribute in some way is a sensible solution but if this is your line in the sand, you're not in the wrong.
Why have you not had contact with your brother? Because of circumstances or for reasons? If the first, it’s entirely unreasonable to treat the kid differently from his cousins. If the second, don’t go, nor give the cousins their presents with that child present. Only an AH splurges on a bunch of kids leaving one out.
Happy-Uncle OP:
Well, my brother kind of found me and his ex-fiance in bed together. But it wasnt how it looked like. We all drank all day and then went to sleep. We were wasted. At some point his fiance went to the bathroom and then missed the room when she came back. My room was next to his so it was honest mistake.
I was wasted too so i didnt notice her in bed. He found us and raised all hell. He didn't listen to reason. I came out after my accident. He tried to reach out, but the damage was done. He destroyed my and ex-fiance's social life and I will never forgive him for that.
This is something that should be in the main post
Later OP came back with these edits:
I want to first clarify some things:
1. I was in a car accident after fiancé stuff happened and then I came out, because I wanted my partner in hospital. Some 2 weeks after I came out my brother tried to reach out, but I refused because I had other things to think about, like, not walking ever again. Money was not in picture at that time, so this wasn't the reason he reached out.
2. Santa letter was all my mothers idea. She was babysitting and other kids mentioned to him about the letters. He than asked my mother if he won't get any gifts because he didn't write any letter. My mother felt sorry for him and they wrote the letter together.
3. Me and my partner decided we will buy the gifts for my nephew too.
I thank you all for your input.