'WIBTA for uninviting my childhood best friend from my wedding after she basically ghosted me?'
"WIBTA for uninviting my childhood best friend from my wedding after she basically ghosted me?"
So, me (F27) and my childhood best friend (let's call her Mary, F26) have basically known each other forever — almost 18 years. Even though we never went to the same school, we were super close all through elementary and high school. We texted every day, hung out all the time — we were inseparable.
Things naturally shifted a bit when we both left for college. We were far apart, super busy with tough classes and part-time jobs, but we still kept in touch. We updated each other on life stuff pretty regularly. It was the kind of friendship where you could meet up after months and just pick up right where you left off — no awkwardness.
Some context that’ll matter later:
During my freshman year of college, I met my now-fiancé. A year later, Mary met her now-husband. So yeah, we naturally had a little less time for each other, but we still stayed close-ish.
Also important: our moms are really good friends too — they met because we became friends. Sometimes we’d all go out for dinner (the four of us), but Mary and I would also hang out one-on-one.
Now onto the drama.
About a year and a half before Mary’s wedding, I started feeling… off. Like, she wouldn’t reach out unless I texted first, or unless we were planning a dinner with the moms — which she always showed up for. But she never initiated anything just between the two of us. She stopped sharing life updates unless I asked.
Eventually, I kinda stopped pushing too, but I still always tried to show support whenever something big happened (like, if I saw it on social media or whatever). I didn’t want to make it a big thing, especially since we still had those family dinners sometimes (which, btw, my mom or I usually had to organize — not them).
Fast forward to Spring 2024.
Mary announces (in our group chat with the moms) that she's getting married — date and all (about 5 months later).
I was genuinely happy for her. She's marrying a great guy, so no hard feelings there. And even though we hadn’t been that close lately, I still thought of her like family — like, someone I’d invite to my bachelorette party or dress shopping, no question.
We had a group dinner after she announced it, and wedding talk came up. Turns out she already picked her dress — no invite for me to the dress shopping. That stung a little, but hey, not my wedding, not about me. I kept my mouth shut. Then... nothing. Summer came, wedding was in September, and I realized I wasn’t invited to the bachelorette party either.
Deep down, I kinda knew — but part of me still hoped maybe I’d get a last-minute invite. Nope. Didn’t happen. I’m not gonna lie — I cried. But again, I never said anything to Mary. It’s her wedding, her choice, and I wanted to respect that.
Then the actual wedding invite situation...
Where I live, it’s tradition for the couple to deliver wedding invites in person, along with a box of sweets. Mary didn’t come herself — she just gave both invites to my mom to pass along to me, saying they "didn’t have time" to deliver mine separately (we live 20 km apart, so not that far...).
Whatever, they’re probably busy. But the invite itself was... vague. It wasn’t super clear if we were invited to the ceremony + lunch or just the afternoon party. Since we’ve always considered each other family, my mom and I assumed we were invited to the whole thing.
Spoiler: we weren’t.
Before the wedding, we were supposed to have one last dinner with the moms, but it got canceled for unrelated reasons.
Mary then messaged our group chat saying she was gonna tell us in person but now had to say it in text:
We were only invited to the afternoon party. Ceremony and lunch were for "close family only."
That... hurt. We always said we were family. It felt like a slap in the face. My mom was so upset she didn’t even want to go anymore. I told her we shouldn’t make drama — it’s Mary’s day, and she’s probably stressed enough without us making it worse.
A few days later, Mary texted again saying if we wanted to come watch the ceremony, we could — but she "felt awkward inviting us" since we weren’t staying for lunch (btw, ceremony and lunch were at the same venue, meaning we’d have to leave for two hours before coming back for the party)
. It felt super half-assed (especially because my mom literally asked about the ceremony before Mary sent that follow-up). Still, we said okay. We showed up, left, came back for the reception.
All of this just made it super clear:
I considered Mary as a family.
But she did not feel the same.
And wow, that hurt. I thanked her for the invite after the wedding, complimented the food and her dress, and decided to just... step back. Cool off. I told myself: no more initiating dinners, no more texting first. If she wanted to see me, she’d reach out.
Guess what? She hasn’t.
Since the wedding (fall 2024), she never once initiated anything. I had a birthday — she forgot, and only remembered a day later because of my Instagram story. (Not a huge deal by itself, but just another piece of the puzzle.)
Also, I had surgery recently. I didn’t tell her directly (because... why would I?), but my mom told her mom, and I know her mom mentioned it to her. So Mary knows.
She never reached out to check on me.Now the big question.
Over Christmas 2024, my boyfriend proposed (yay!), and obviously I let our group chat know — plus shared the wedding date later in the group chat so both of them could block it off. Mary and her mom know the date, it's in their calendars.
My fiancé, knowing how hurt I’ve been about all this, asked:
"Are you sure you even want them there?" Because we’re keeping our wedding super small — just close family and real friends.
And honestly... he’s right. Why should I invite someone who clearly doesn’t care? Someone who doesn’t even try to maintain our friendship? So...WIBTA if I uninvited Mary (and by extension, probably her mom too)?
PS: Her mom has always been amazing to me — super sweet and supportive, especially when I was a teenager. She had nothing to do with this drama. But if I uninvite Mary, I’m pretty sure her mom won’t come either.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA- it’s your and your partners day. You should do what you feel is right. Always keeping in mind the potential impacts, but it sounds like you two aren’t close anymore. She doesn’t reach out, and not inviting her, the worst she’d probably do is lash out verbally (which you can limit by blocking her) and then she’d continue on by not speaking to you.
In the end, it’s your life and you should live it how you want to. Don’t let other people pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do. I wish you the best of luck and a great wedding❤️
I forgot to mention there is always the option of holding a conversation with her mom. Explaining the situation, your feelings, and that you want her there. But if she is unable to come, then you’d love to have a lunch/dinner with her to celebrate.
Send an invite to the reception after only. And if she asks just say “the wedding is for family and close friends only, she understands right?”.
She’s a former friend, now an acquaintance. Act accordingly.
I wouldn’t invite them. Not as a tit-for-tat. Your wedding day should be shared with people who care about you and Mary no longer fits that bill. You might see if your mum wants to invite her mum separately, but it’s important that she understands that Mary is not invited. It’s ok to mourn the end of your friendship. But it’s time to drop the rope.