'AITA if I'm upset that my husband mentioned getting a paternity test?' 'Her hair is really dark.' MINI UPDATE
"AITA if I'm upset that my husband mentioned getting a paternity test?"
My (31F) husband (32M) just mentioned that he's keen on getting a paternity test for our 3 week old baby girl. His reasoning is that our daughter has darker hair than him (he has brown hair, I'm white blonde). I'm a little confused as she hardly has any bloody hair and this just feels like he's accusing me of infidelity!!!
I actually thought he was joking initially. The conversation went as follows: He said, "her hair is really dark." So I said, "yeah, it is" even though it isn't darker than his. He then mentioned getting the test...it was completely out of the blue. I initially said that he should go for it as I wasn't thinking.
But, now I've had some time to reflect, I'm really not happy about it. If he wants to get the test, fine by me BUT, it just feels like he doesn't trust me? Am I overthinking this?! He has no reason to think like this.
He even went as far as to say, "if she wasn't mine biologically, she'd still be my girl"...that statement just pissed me off and I've said nothing to him since. So, AITA?
Later, OP provided a mini update:
Update 1: Thanks for all the comments and advice. There seems to be some common responses, so I thought I'd just reply to them here... I'm more than happy for him to get the test but, as most have mentioned, that would confirm his lack of trust in me, his wife, and I don't think I could overlook that. I think I'll seek some counselling to discuss this issue further (I'll be inviting him to join me!!).
Some mentioned that our daughter might have been swapped at birth and the test would benefit us both. I can assure all of these commentators that she didn't leave my side once throughout our hospital stay (from her entrance to the world, to her leaving the hospital with us). I'm very happy that she's our little one.
Most people mentioned projection on his part. I must admit I hadn't thought about this! I'm almost certain that this isn't the case but, I will discuss my fears/concerns with him as this is now at the forefront of my mind! I will update accordingly. Thank you all!
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
cthulularoo said:
Check his phone and email. There's a chance he's projecting.
tired-and-cranky said:
My husband has dark brown hair. I have dirty blonde hair that is being overtaken by silver. My oldest child has dirty blonde hair that is lighter than mine. By your husband's logic, I should request a maternity test.
No_Beginning_8275 said:
There are much deeper issues going on in your marriage. One doesn’t just casually “ask for a paternity test” unless there is something deeper going on.
Madwife2009 said:
NTA. Your husband is though. All of my children were born with loads of jet black hair. Neither their father or I have black hair. Two of my children now have light brown hair, two are blonde.
There's absolutely no doubt at all that my husband is the father of my children as they share very obvious genetic traits. However, if I'd been asked for a paternity test for any of my children, he'd have been shown the door. That's a massive level of distrust.
Starpoodle said:
He is actually accusing you of infidelity. NTA. Does no one in both of your extended families have dark hair? Heredity can be funny. Both myself and hubby are dark brown/black haired. Both of our kids are dark blondes/light bowns. Took after my mother in law.
Travel8061 said:
NTA. Not overthinking or over reacting. I would be livid. He is an idiot if he thinks his kid must have the same shade of hair to be biologically his. Not to mention insensitive and rude, among other things...