'AITA for using my SIL's garden flowers in my wedding bouquet?' + UPDATE
"AITA for using my SIL's garden flowers in my wedding bouquet?"
My wedding was put on hold due to coronavirus. During this time, SILs grandfather got sick, so she traveled to stay with her family. I was left in charge of feeding her dog, my SIL has always grown beautiful flowers, and succulents, she knows how much I admire her green thumb.
Before she left she cut all the heads off her roses, and this is where I made my mistake at the time I did not know you could cut the heads off roses and make more grow.
So when I was over feeding the dog I noticed more growing and was amazed, then the restrictions in my country where lifted, my husband and I decided to throw together a quick wedding ceremony.
The idea just came to me to use the roses she'd grown, thinking that has she'd cut them she'd not know I'd taken any. As I was over cutting them, I remembered the succulents and decided to grab a few in their pots to use as centre pieces.
We'd always wanted to get married in my grandmothers church and venue hall, which was 2 hours away from our home and SILs home, SIL decided she'd come back for the wedding, but would fly into that local airport, then go straight to the local hotel instead of going home when she landed then driving to the wedding and back all in one day.
The wedding itself went beautifully, she was happy and I was so happy, everyone was happy. We get to the after party and SIL notices the succulents, and gets very angry asking if they're hers, and how could I do that.
She started trying to snatch them up, unfortunately this caused a light fuss while I asked at her to stop, that she was ruining my wedding, while I grabbed at the succulent.
She loudly said "You're stealing from me". My family wrongly took this to mean they could take the succulents, the ones they didn't take did end up damaged as people touched the leaves and squeezed them.
SIL took all my succulent centers that she could and left in a huff, after that the party died down, pretty much everyone in her family took her side, where as my family think it's flowers it's ridiculous.
When she arrived home the next day she noticed the roses gone, and send a message saying how could I steal her plants without permissions, and that she was "sick" of me over stepping all the time.
Personally I feel like they're just plants, they will grow back, and it's a shame for her to have spoilt the after party when she could have just left the succulents and most people would have ignored them. But I also understand she spends a lot of time and money growing many of these plants and they are her pass time that I should have asked to use them.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s initial post:
YTA. BIG TIME. Do you even know how much time, money, and effort goes into growing things? Especially roses and succulents? You didn’t even ask her. I wouldn’t blame her if she never talks to you again. You sound ridiculously entitled.
Good god. YTA. As a plant enthusiast myself I’d be PISSED. She has every right to be upset. You did steal her plants! You went over to her house and took things that did not belong to you and butchered her rose bushes. You owe her a massive apology and some monetary reimbursement for the damages plants at the very least.
Your an AH, and a cheap one at that, you didn't "borrow" her flowers, you destroyed her garden.
ravravmaw (OP)
Fine I am the AH, whatever. I'd have brought the succulents back the next day. And if the roses grew back once they'll grow back again I figured but ok, whatever I'm the AH sure.
Eleven days later, the OP returned with an update.
One of you snitchs posted it to a group, shaming weddings, showed me the screenshot, I found the group and have a mutual friend on it. Roses grow back. Succulents are 2€ in grocery stores.
But my life, my HUMAN life could be over. You've all left a strain on my beautiful memory over cheap plants! I however am going on vacation tonight. When I am back I will be buying some grocery succulents for my SIL.
She told me "No it's fine" via private message when I asked if she WANTED ME to buy her some, so all your "call outs" are no good. I am not the cold person you frame me as I love my SISTER and am heart broken i crossed a boundary.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s update:
"No it's fine" is just a polite way of saying "go away before you cause more damage".
As someone with a sister who collects houseplants, including many succulents, I also suspect at least some of those succulents were not, in fact, 2€ grocery store succulents but rather special varieties and OP’s sister didn’t want to deal with the inevitable “there’s no way they cost that much!“ response if they tried to explain as much to OP…
OP still doesn't get it do they? What a freaking tool.
"Fine I'm an AH, whatever."
TRANSLATION: I was here for absolution, not the truth.
What is it about weddings that make people think they're allowed to just do whatever with no consequences? I highly doubt she deadheaded the roses correctly, and she probably just ripped the succulents up with no regard to their condition.
Of course YTA. You took your SIL’s property without asking her. That’s called stealing. You didn’t even have the courtesy to tell her before she got to the after party & noticed it on her own. That’s cowardly & rude.
Your family stole her succulents & the ones that they didn’t take got damaged by your guests. You owe your SIL a massive apology along with whatever funds it takes to restore her property to the condition it was in when you found it.