'AITA for walking out of Thanksgiving dinner because my ex-fiancé showed up?'
"AITA for walking out of Thanksgiving dinner because my ex-fiancé showed up?"
I (27F) ended my engagement to my ex-fiancé (29M) last year after catching him cheating on me with a coworker. It was a humiliating and devastating experience. I thought I could rely on my family for support, but my mom (55F) was oddly neutral about the whole thing.
She said things like, “Everyone makes mistakes,” and, “Are you sure you weren’t just overreacting?” as if I didn’t see the texts and photos with my own eyes.
Fast forward to this year: I’ve moved on and am in a healthy, loving relationship with my boyfriend (28M). He’s not wealthy like my ex, but he’s loyal, kind, and hardworking. My mom, however, hasn’t hidden her disapproval of him.
She once told me, “He’s nice, but he’s not exactly husband material, is he?” and made comments like, “Your ex could’ve provided you with such a comfortable life.” I brushed it off because I know my mom can be superficial, and I didn’t want to let it ruin our relationship.
Thanksgiving rolls around, and I was excited to bring my boyfriend to meet the whole family. When we arrived, I immediately noticed a familiar car in the driveway. I thought, No, it can’t be. But when we walked in, there was my ex, sitting at the table, laughing with my siblings like nothing had happened. My boyfriend looked at me, confused, and I felt my stomach drop.
I pulled my mom aside and asked what he was doing there. She said, “Oh, I invited him. He’s practically family.” I reminded her how much he hurt me and pointed out that I had brought my boyfriend. Her response? “Well, your boyfriend isn’t exactly Thanksgiving material, is he? [Ex-fiancé] belongs here.” She said it loud enough for my boyfriend to overhear.
I was furious. I told her that if my ex stayed, we were leaving. She rolled her eyes and said, “Don’t be dramatic. It’s not like you’re still dating him. Be an adult and get over it.” At that point, I told my boyfriend we were leaving. My mom yelled after me, accusing me of ruining Thanksgiving and embarrassing her in front of “an important guest.”
Now my family is blowing up my phone. Some are saying I overreacted and should’ve just ignored my ex, while others are on my side, saying my mom was out of line. My mom, of course, is playing the victim, claiming I “humiliated her” and that she only invited my ex because she thought it would “help heal old wounds.” Was I really being dramatic? AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
She's not exactly mother material is she? Your mom should have your back and want you to be cherished by your partner. Period. The AH here is her.
Honestly, it’s hard not to feel that way right now. A mother should want her child to be happy and respected, but it feels like she’s more concerned with appearances and wealth than my emotional well-being. It’s disappointing, to say the least. I just wish she could see that my happiness and being with someone who truly cherishes me are what really matter.
Write all this in a message and send it to her.
You’re definitely not overreacting. Your mom's actions were incredibly dismissive of your feelings and boundaries. Inviting your ex, knowing the history and pain he caused, while undermining your current boyfriend, was out of line and disrespectful.
Walking out wasn’t dramatic it was standing up for yourself and refusing to tolerate such blatant disregard for your well-being. You deserve a family environment where you and your partner are respected, not one that prioritizes someone who hurt you deeply.
Walking out wasn’t about being dramatic; it was about standing up for myself and my relationship. It hurts that my mom couldn’t see how disrespectful her actions were, especially after everything I went through with my ex. I just want to feel supported by my family, not like I have to compete with someone who betrayed me.
NTA. Your mum is a complete see you next Tuesday though. A period of No Contact is in order I feel. Good luck.
I’m definitely considering going no contact for a while because her actions were just beyond hurtful. It’s hard to accept that my own mom could prioritize someone who betrayed me over my happiness. Taking some space might be exactly what I need to protect my peace and focus on the people who truly care about me.
You're absolutely not the AH. Your mom inviting your ex-fiancé, especially knowing the pain he caused you, was a blatant disregard for your feelings and boundaries. Her dismissive comments about your boyfriend and prioritizing your ex over your comfort at a family gathering were incredibly disrespectful.
Walking out was a justified response to such a hurtful situation. You deserve to protect your peace and be surrounded by people who support you and your current relationship. Your mom needs to reflect on her actions and why they were so hurtful.
It’s comforting to know I’m not crazy for feeling so disrespected. It’s one thing for her to still like my ex, but inviting him to a family holiday, knowing the history and how hurtful it would be, was a line I never thought she’d cross.
I hope this situation makes her realize how damaging her actions were, but for now, I just need to focus on surrounding myself with people who respect my boundaries. My boyfriend has been incredibly understanding through all of this, and I’m grateful to have him by my side.
You walked out of Thanksgiving after your mom invited your cheating ex-fiancé and disrespected your boyfriend, prioritizing your boundaries and self-respect over enduring a toxic situation.
Staying would have meant tolerating a situation where my feelings and boundaries were completely ignored, and I just couldn’t let that slide. It’s been hard dealing with the fallout, but I know I made the right choice for my mental health and relationship.
Your mom is f&*$%^g insane. If it were me, she wouldn’t see me until her funeral for that one. Can only imagine what else she’s put you through, OP.
It feels like this was the final straw in a long line of disappointments with her. It’s hard to believe someone could prioritize a cheater over their own child, but here we are. I’m definitely rethinking my relationship with her after this it’s clear she doesn’t respect me or my choices.
As someone who can relate, and who’s mum favoured my ex husband over me when we split, I can categorically say you’re absolutely not over reacting. Hope you and your new partner had a lovely thanksgiving.
I’m sorry you’ve experienced it too; it’s such a hurtful position to be in when your own parent sides with someone who hurt you. My boyfriend and I did our best to salvage the day and ended up having a quiet dinner together, which turned out to be really special.