'AITA for not wanting to attend my best friend's wedding because of her groom?' 'Our mutual friends are divided.'
"AITA for Not Wanting to Attend My Best Friend’s Wedding Because of Her Groom?"
I’m a 23-year-old woman, and my best friend, Emily, is getting married in a few months. We’ve been friends since middle school and have always been there for each other. However, there’s a huge problem: I don’t get along with her fiancé, John.
John and I have had a rocky relationship from the start. He’s always been dismissive and rude to me, often making snide comments and jokes at my expense. I’ve tried to brush it off for Emily’s sake, but it’s become increasingly difficult. I’ve spoken to Emily about it a few times, but she always downplays his behavior, saying he’s just joking or that he’s stressed.
The last straw was a few weeks ago when we all went out for dinner. John made a particularly hurtful comment about my job, insinuating that it’s not a “real” career. I confronted him right then and there, but he just laughed it off. Emily tried to calm things down, but I left feeling humiliated and angry.
Since then, I’ve been avoiding social gatherings where John is present.n’t want to be there and pretend everything is fine when it’s not. I feel like I can’t be myself around him, and it’s causing me a lot of stress and anxiety. Now, with the wedding approaching, I’m dreading the thought of attending. I don’t want to be there and pretend everything is fine when it’s not.
I recently told Emily that I’m considering not coming to the wedding because of how uncomfortable I feel around John. She was shocked and hurt, saying that as her best friend, I should be there to support her on her big day. She also mentioned that it would look bad if her maid of honor didn’t show up, and she’s worried about what others might think.
I feel terrible because I love Emily and want to be there for her, but I also need to take care of my own mental health. Our mutual friends are divided—some understand my perspective, while others think I’m being selfish and should suck it up for one day. So, am I the a$hole for not wanting to attend my best friend’s wedding because of her groom?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Top-Effect-4321 said:
If you’re the maid of honor, you will be the ahole if you drag this out. Make up your mind and commit to it and tell your friend so she can make alternate arrangements.
Big-Pickle-7506 said:
NTA. At first I thought… hm… well just try to stick it out? But it sounds like he’s awful and has gone too far for too long. Respect yourself and take care of yourself first. This is a huge moment for her but the fact that “she’s worried about what others might think” instead of how her best friend feels is a huge red flag.
If she’s not concerned about how you feel and just takes her finances side all the time and is only thinking about what others might think and how it’ll look I think it’s time to find a new best friend. I wouldn’t go either.
Lopsided-Two7133 said:
"She was shocked and hurt, saying that as her best friend, I should be there to support her on her big day." "As your friend i will not support you marrying a jerk. and if you were truly my best friend youd stand up for me when he attacks me without reason." NTA btw.
CatLov3r1222 said:
NTA. You don’t need to like your friends’ spouses. That being said, if the wedding is too close just do this wedding. Just one day and slowly disappear. You have communicated it to your friend multiple times that her you are not comfortable to be with the fiancé. Her not listening to your concern is a problem.
big_bob_c said:
NTA, but you should consider that he's trying to isolate her from you right off the bat.
Sufficient-Meet6127 said:
NTA. She should have time to promote someone else into the role. If not, I suggest you do it as a parting gift. I would say goodbye on a high note and go no contact afterward. He sounds like an awful person.