'AITA for wanting space from my parents?' + UPDATE 1 YEAR LATER

"AITA for wanting more space from my parents?"

I (27 M) have a really good relationship with my Mom (F 54) and my Dad (M 55). I am so thankful for them and I would not be where I am if it wasn’t for them. While all of this is good and heartfelt, I still feel like my parents are trying to control my decisions. It’s been like this all of my life. From wanting to know where I am constantly, to who I’m hanging out with. Even the girls that I’ve dated.

They always nitpick at EVERYTHING. They’ve raised me right and know that I’ll think carefully, but they still choose to slightly criticize. It’s really taken a toll on my self-esteem and self-confidence.

When I was still living under their roof, I would talk to my parents about the possibility of buying or renting a place of my own. I wanted some experience with living by myself and some privacy.

Every time I would bring it up, they would always be hesitant about it. I was financially stable and I could handle living on my own (still am). Me not being at home was a difficult challenge for my parents when I went off to college especially for my dad. Even thought my college was 25 minutes away from home.

Last year I moved away for work, which was the first time I’ve been away from home. My mom was a little understanding, but my dad did not like it at first. He did not like the that fact that I was so “far away” from home. Where I live currently is about 2 hours away from my parents.

Since then, a lot has developed. I love my job, I have made a good supportive group of friends that have the same beliefs as me and that I trust, I’ve regained some of my self-esteem, I’m more confident, and I am in a committed relationship with the girl of my dreams (almost at a year!).

Recently I had a call with my folks with the usual “how have things been?” And all of that. My dad asked me when I planned on moving back home. I didn’t really know what to say so I just said, “I’m not sure dad.” After we hung up, I just had to think for a second.

I might be overreacting, but I love the place that I’m at right now and I don’t see anything changing for a while. I don’t want my relationship with my parents getting ruined, but at the same time they should respect my decisions and my feelings without trying to micromanage my life. The baby bird leaves the nest, it doesn’t come back to it. AITA for wanting more space?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

MonkeyPawWishes said:

NTA. Your parents are really unhealthily controlling but you're only just realizing it. The more time you spend away from them the more you're going to realize your relationship isn't as good as you think it is.

MousingJoke said:

Ok OP, read carefully here. You are an adult, you are entitled to a life of your own . IF you are happy where you are , just be there. Yo uare doing absolutel nothing wrong . Also let's be clear, your parents seem to be little too much dependent on you. You might want to seek some counseling from a professional that might help you make the relationship more healthy.

Since I understand you love your parents dearly, I guess you don;t want to hurt them unnecessarily, hence I think careful aproach is needed and that's why I am suggesting consulting some therapist who specializes in familial relationships.

For them to be so shaken by you living only 2hrs drive away at age 27 is kinda overbearing. Also make sure to protect and shield your GF as much as possible, they might project you being unwilling to move back to them onto her beign the disruptive element. Itis simply you being an proper adult instead :)

Petefriend86 said:

NTA. It sounds like they're having issues cutting the umbilical cord. OP is doing right and honoring his parents by becoming an independent adult.

pnutbuttercups56 said:

NTA you are 27 years old. If you wanted to live with them because the situation was good that would be fine. But you don't want to live with your parents. You aren't asking them to pay for you to have your own place. At 27 your parents are fine to miss you but it's strange that they are so upset that you are 2 hours away when you are 27.

OP responded:

That question you asked has been something that I’ve asked myself ever since I moved away.

Nearly ten months later, he shared this update:

If any of you are interested. A year ago, I posted asking for advice about my parents (M55 and F54) wanting me (M27) to move back to our home town. Well.. a lot has happened in the past year. I wanted to say thank you for anyone that commented on my last post. All of the advice was welcomed and greatly appreciated.

Around last Thanksgiving was when I sat both of my parents down to discuss my future plans. I told them that it was my life to live and if I didn’t want to move back, then I didn’t have to move back. Nothing was changing. They weren’t going to lose me as their son as I still care for them, love and adore them.

This was sort of a reality check for BOTH of my parents. They apologized for being so controlling of that aspect of my life. My mom even started to cry. They told me that it was difficult to see me move out after being so involved with their lives over the past 26 years. At the end of this discussion, we hugged it out and nothing negative has come out of this, which was what I was afraid of in the first place.

I still love my job, I still love my friends, and I’m still with my GF (2 years in August) whom I am going to happily going to “pop the question” to soon! Cheers everyone! I know some of y’all want “spicy” updates when it comes to these stories, but that just won’t do lol 😂.