'AITA for wanting to dump my fiancée after she injured herself while I was away?' UPDATED 2X
"AITA for wanting to dump my fiancée after she injured herself while I was away?"
Dizzy_Brick_3761
While I (30m) was away on business, my fiancée (32 f) decided to go out without telling me. We spoke in the afternoon, I was on my way to the airport ahead of an 8 hour flight, which was arriving at 5 am.
Her friend had just come back from out of state and she was planning on taking her out to dinner. Once I landed I didn't want to wake her as she normally gets up around 7. I got home and she wasn't there. Her car was parked outside but she wasn't in bed.
For a moment I panicked and thought she had gone to surprise me at the airport and I somehow missed her. But her car was outside? I call her and her phone rang to voicemail.
I call 10 more times while I shower and change. At first I wasn't too worried thinking maybe she went for a run, but the scenarios running through my head were getting darker.
We have our phones on our icloud account in case we lose them, so I bring it up to find her location. Her iPhone was at the hospital. My heart sank. I start heading to the hospital. All her family live out of state so there's no one to call.
The hospital is 10 minutes away, I speed, run red lights, park right in front of the emergency department door and go in like a maniac demanding the triage staff tell me where my wife is. They take me to her room.
She's asleep in bed but I can immediately see she's hurt. Her lip is swollen and she looks like she's been beaten up. Bruises on her face, splint thing on her nose. My panic and worry morph into rage and I demand to know what happened and who did this to her.
I was informed that she arrived in an ambulance at 2am, having drunkenly stumbled and faceplanted onto the curb while leaving a bar. She had a broken nose, chipped tooth, and other minor abrasions and scratches but she was going to be fine.
This made absolutely no sense. I seriously feel like I'm in the twilight zone. I don't drink, never have, and she hasn't touched alcohol since college basically. I don't even know what's happening at this point.
She's tried to offer up some kind of explanation about how her friend pressured her to have wine while they were at dinner, and then they somehow ended up in a bar (she apparently has no recollection and "teleported" there).
I've been giving her the silent treatment and it's 8pm. She has been crying and wanting some sort of consolement or reassurance but I genuinely think I'm done. This whole thing just came out of left field, and I'm not handling it well at all. We've been living together since we got engaged and it would be a pretty clean split. Her parents own the house so I can basically just take my stuff and go, I guess?
I really don't know what to do, we've been together a year and a half, and I feel like we could get past this, but it's like this whole ordeal and the emotional rollercoaster have sapped away the love I felt for her. Anyways, sorry for the novel, but WIBTA if I dump her?
The OP then provided a small update the same day.
Dizzy_Brick_3761
She broke off the engagement. We had a long talk and apparently I've been cold and unsupportive (i disagree but whatever) and she feels betrayed by my attitude? She thinks my expectations are unrealistic and that she's a human not a robot. She said she needs someone who can let her fail and I am not that person.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's first post:
BeyondZardoz
YTA. This is kinda a big overreaction to someone going out to drink and getting hurt. Seems like you are just looking for an out to the relationship and this is the most convenient way.
Limp-Local9071
Seems like you posted on two subs. Maybe hoping for better answers. Idk. But the general consensus on both posts thus far is that you're the AH, and I agree. She very well could have been drugged if she doesn't remember everything that happened She's in pain and probably scared as well. She needs love and care.
But instead, you have your panties in a bunch and are angry with her. Mainly, from what I gather, you're angry because she went out and didn't tell you. You're her boyfriend. Not her parent.
She thought she was probably just having a drink with a friend. You didn't lose love for her. You never had true love for her in the first place. If you did love her, none of this would even be a question for you in the first place.
So. Do HER a favor and leave her because she deserves better. She deserves someone who truly loves her and will take care of her when she needs it the most, instead of turning their back on her like you. YTA times infinite.
Artistic-Giraffe-866
This !!! What a controlling AH - do her a favour and leave.
13surgeries
Yes, but I think you should break it off with her so she can find a decent guy who's less judgmental. It's fine that you don't drink--great, actually--but you dismiss out of hand her explanation of what happened and wouldn't give her the benefit of the doubt. And the snarky line about teleporting says a lot about you.
Do you even even know if she face-planted because she was drunk? My friend's sister doesn't drink at all and never has, and she stumbled on a curb and face-planted. She broke her nose and an ankle. If this is all it takes for you to be done, it's way better that she finds out now.
AlarmingResist3564
YTA. What the F is your problem?? Your fiancé ended up in the hospital and instead of having any sort of compassion, you give her the silent treatment and plot to just end it. Why exactly?
Three days later, the OP returned with a rather strange update:
Dizzy_Brick_3761
We broke up after being engaged for six months. One night when we were at her parent's place her father gave it to me as a gift. It was shortly after we got engaged and it wasn't my birthday or anything like that, there was no occasion he just gave it to me and said "I want you to have this."
He took it off his wrist. I'm unlikely to ever see him again as he lives in California and I live in New York. He hasn't asked for it back nor has my ex. I doubt she has any clue what it's worth but I've had it appraised and it's worth over $70k. WIBTA if I keep the watch and don't say anything?
edit: I will obviously return the watch if they ask for it, it's just that chances are neither my ex nor her family will ask for it, but I am contemplating returning it anyways due to it's value and rarity.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
MangoSaintJuice
Just read your previous posts so yah ywbtah if you keep it, give it back to them.
yourtsgirlfriend
Yes, YTA if you keep the watch without discussing it with your ex-fiancée or her father. While the watch was given to you as a gift, its significant value and the circumstances of your breakup suggest that there might be emotional and familial attachments involved.
Keeping such a valuable item without at least offering to return it could be seen as disrespectful or opportunistic, especially considering the relationship dynamics and the fact that it was a gift from her father. It's best to communicate openly and transparently about it to avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings.
cb1977007
Given the reason you are now single - I don’t know how you would be able to keep it without feeling like a total monster.
Mammoth_Rope_8318
He gave it to you because he were good to his daughter and he liked you. But you aren't good to his daughter, and you aren't likable. He was giving the watch to his future son-in-law, not some random loser who looks at injured women and only feels disgust.
WhyDrinkKoolaid
Normally I'd say a gift is a gift. People shouldn't give gifts with the caveat that you only get to keep it if you stay together with my daughter for a certain amount of time. But it is kind of crazy... here's a watch off my wrist and it's worth 70k. I'd say with a gift like that, it might have been a mistake? You might feel better giving it back.