'WIBTA for saying my 3-year-old can’t be in my SIL's wedding?' 'She acts like a brat.'
"WIBTA for saying my 3-year-old can’t be in my SIL's wedding?"
I (34F) don’t like my husband's youngest sister (30F). She is the baby and acts like a brat. Everyone coddles/caters to her. I have seen her throw tantrums, flip out on family, make her mom cry, and pout because she didn't get her way, lost at a game, etc. Thankfully she lives 3.5 hours away. I like my MIL and other SIL. We'll call the one getting married Tia.
I was fine with Em (will be 3 at time of wedding) being flower girl despite the logistics stressing me out. Wedding is 3.5 hours away. We need to go up night before for rehearsal, and setup next day. Wedding is at 5pm. It would be a long day for Em.
She's shy around big groups. I doubt she'll walk down the aisle when it's time. At my wedding, I had my nieces as flower girls. 3 yo was excited until it was time and then freaked out. Her mom carried her. Tia later commented that it ruined it. Tia also took control of things I asked not to happen.
After the ceremony, we had pictures. Food was to be put out for guests. I didn't want them waiting on us. Tia knew that but still told people they had to wait for us and she would dismiss them by table. When we returned I was annoyed and told people to get food. Tia got pissy and said she was dismissing them.
During the bouquet toss, my cousin caught it. Tia ripped it from her hands. Tia's now fiance got upset for the way she acted. My MOH witnessed him telling Tia that wasn't cool and Tia threw the bouquet at his face and stomped off. Back to the point. We found out the wedding is kid-free.
They want to party without kids. That's fine and dandy. I love a night off from being mom. We also have 11M and 15F I adopted before I met my husband. In my family we have lots of blending and there is no such thing as half or step or whatever. Nobody gets treated differently.
My in-laws use words like "real" when describing family. I don't like it. I didn't like when Tia wished me a happy FIRST mother's day after I had my bio daughter. Tia said she expects Em to leave after the ceremony. That I should get my mom to come, or bring our babysitter who could stay with her at the airbnb. My mom doesn't want to.
She’ll have the other 2 kids since they aren’t in the wedding. She doesn't want to make the drive. My babysitter has a prior commitment. I told my MIL and Tia that Em was not going to be in the wedding or my husband and I would leave early. They are pissed.
They want me to find someone else. (My 15yo can't do it because she’s autistic.) They suggested Tia find someone where she lives. I said no. Outside of family, only our babysitter has ever stayed with Em. I am picky.
The wedding is two months away. I could look for someone, but I don't want to. My husband agrees that the best solution is for Em to stay with my parents, but he won’t tell them. So, AITA if I say Em won't be in the wedding?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
BagOfSmallerBags said:
NTA. Don't even need the context of your SILs other antics- it's totally ridiculous and rude to demand a person's child as a prop.
omeomi24 said:
NTA - this is about your daughter - not about your SIL or about your wedding in the past. She's 3 - in a new place with people she's not that close to - this could easily be frightening for her. Add in 3.5 hrs drive time - staying in a strange place - etc...and it's too much.
Your husband doesn't have to speak for you - if you think it's too much for you and your daughter, say 'no'. That's that. If the SIL gets nasty - stay home with your kids...would probably be more fun anyway.
ApprehensiveBook4214 said:
NTA. "Tia said she expects Em to leave after the ceremony." This is all I need to know. At this point I wouldn't go at all because she'll complain about it. Let hubby go solo if he's still wanting to go. Using your daughter as a prop is disgusting.
many_hobbies_gal said:
NTA it's not you or your child role to make Auntie look good for a moment then whisk her away. Child free is child free.
ValkyrieofMercy said:
NTA. She wants to use your daughter as a prop. Don't let her.
canyonemoon said:
NTA. This is about your daughter and you won't allow her to be treated like a paper bag you just throw away when you've gotten its use. Strictly speaking you don't need your husband to back you up, but I'd ask him point blank why he is so alright with his sister treating his daughter like trash?