'WIBTA if I told my SIL I’m done with her Christmas registry vibes?'
"WIBTA if I told my SIL I’m done with her Christmas registry vibes?"
Every year, my SIL gives us a list --scratch that, a registry-- of exactly what to buy her, her husband, and their kids (3M and 5M). Like, down to specific brands and items. Think Amazon Wish List, but with zero subtlety. Honestly, it feels less like Christmas shopping and more like I’m ticking off items for a wedding shower.
Here’s the thing: I don’t do this. When she asks about our wants, I just share current interests and offer loose guidelines, like, “No loud, light-up plastic nightmares, please.” (Spoiler: They got our son a toy helicopter last year that sounds like a blender in distress. Even the dog loathes it. It’s basically a cursed object we all regret.)
In my opinion, Christmas gifts should be about thoughtfulness, not fulfilling someone’s personal shopping list. I get wanting to avoid unwanted clutter, but can’t we leave a little room for creativity and surprise? Am I a Scrooge for wanting to tell her to cool it with the curated shopping demands? Or WIBTA if I just started giving gift cards and called it a day?
gajaup writes:
Gotta say you would be the asshole if you approached it the way you describe. You don't get to tell her not to do the lists, because guess what? You aren't the manager of Christmas. If you don't like specific lists, that's fine FOR YOU, but others actually really appreciate them. You don't get to control how other people communicate.
If you don't want to follow the lists specifically, ask her if she'd be okay with you using them more as a jumping off point. Tell her you enjoy Christmas shopping and browsing and finding the right gifts. Have an actual conversation about it rather than just becoming Christmas Stalin.
As for her telling you what to buy her husband (I assume your brother?) Nope. I would totally ignore that. You have more history with him than she does, and you get to buy him whatever you want without her input.
carimg8 writes:
NAH. You’d hate my family then. We send each other the links to exactly what we want. It just saves everyone time and confusion. We always discussed the gifting budget beforehand and make sure to send each other the links to exact items. If you give an idea, for example, I want a doorbell camera; then the gifter is allowed to decide brand and price.
It saves money and time. You get the gift you want and if you didn’t then it’s not anyone’s fault but you’re own. I can see other families with small children adopting that style of gifting too.
Children grow constantly and their interests change every 5 minutes. I’d love family to tell me exactly what to get their kids. Don’t want to gift them those shoes I know they’ve been wanting only to find out they’re too small or “that’s so last week”. However, you’re also valid and allowed to have gifts be a surprise and gifted with thought.
No one way to gift presents is wrong. The way it’s done is just different. That’s okay! Seems like you need to sit down with some hot chocolate and clear the confusion blizzard.
ksoith7 writes:
YTA. I'd much rather have a specific list. It's fine if gift giving is your love language, but it's not everybody's. If you'd given a specific list, you could have avoided that helicopter. A list make sure that you're getting something that you know the kids will like and also avoid duplicating things they may already have.