'AITA for siding with my wife and not listening to my sister?' UPDATED 2X
"AITA for siding with my wife and not listening to my sister?"
My wife and I am both 27, I l live with my sister she's 26, we both live in the same house, the house we live in was inherited to us by our grandpa, we decided that instead of selling it we should live in it as it's quite big and maybe in future we will sell it and earn more profit.
But nowadays my sister and my wife fight quite a lot and it's mostly me who breaks them off, my sister doesn't like my wife, she said she doesn't like her cause she does nothing, she doesn't have a job and she sits all day cause maids do all the work
Yesterday my sister asked my wife to leave, she said she is tired of her, I said my wife is not going anywhere and why does it matter if she's not working? Our bills are paid and my wife working wouldn't make any difference
She said that my wife is just a freeloader, I told her that if she has a problem then we should sell the house and move on, but my sister started crying and she said that she's trying to help me and my wife, but I don't listen to her concerns, and instead I became aggressive towards her.
Here's what people had to say after the first post:
As soon as I read that you and your sister and your wife are all living in the same house, the root of the problem was clear.
Sell the house and move out is the sensible solution. Better than trying to force a living situation that is precariously built on optimism. You, your wife, your sister, none of you wants to live where you need to watch your P's and Q's whenever you are in your home. Home is supposed to be where you don't have to show your public persona.
You and your sister have set up a situation where both of you have to do that. (Your wife too, she agreed to this.)
Ending the living situation is better than ending the relationship with your sister.
There will be so much resentment if this arrangement stays as is. Either the sibling relationship will blow up or the marriage.
NTA, y’all have maids that do all the housework and you pay your share of bills… you and your wife are married and what she doesn’t or does do has no affect on your sister so long as your ok with it and pay the share of bills and your sister needs to mind her business and leave it if nothing bad is happening.
9 days later OP came back with this update:
I have been thinking about this issue for so many days like what would be the best way to resolve the issue with my sister without hurting my and my wife's bond with her cause I don't want to lose my sister over a house, so I decided that I will move out with my wife for now and my sister lives in the house.
Yesterday I told my sister that I am planning to move out with my wife and she lives in our home and we will decide later in future whether to sell or buy the other half
My sister got upset and she said she doesn't want me out of the house and she doesn't hate my wife she just doesn't like that my wife does nothing while we both are working our ass off.
To calm her I said that she can keep the house and I will give up my claim over it but my sister said that I am making it all about the house when she's trying to help me cause my wife is just a freeloader.
I told my sister that if my wife doesn't want to work then she doesn't have to I'll take care of her and I am moving out and she can keep the house, my sister said do whatever you want and now she is upset with me and ignores me.
I am looking for another place but I don't get why my sister is upset with me when I have done everything I can for her, what did I do wrong?
Here's what people had to say to OP after his first update:
To be honest, the sister seems more upset about your wife than the house itself. She probably feels like she’s losing you to someone she doesn’t respect. Give her some space, but don’t back down from your decision. She’ll either come around or she won’t, but that’s on her.
I feel like this is one of those stories where if the other person were to tell their side of the story it would paint a whole other picture, and answer a lot of questions that the OP is omitting from their post.
Your sister would probably be acting the same way if y'all didn't live together. Your sister probably feels like you are being taken advantage of.
Another 9 days later OP came back with this "final update":
I read a lot of comments and a lot of people were asking how do we split the expenses, so for clarification I pay approximately 70% of our bills, my wife's personal expenses are paid by me and i try my best to not burden my sister, things like electricity water bills etc and paying maids, I cover more than half.
So after I told my sister that I am moving out with my wife she stopped talking to me for a few days and I started looking for another place at least to stay temporarily cause I realised my wife and my sister can't live under the same roof.
I found an apartment nearby and 2 days ago I told my sister that I am moving out in a few days, my sister started crying and said she doesn't want me to go cause the house is mine as much as it is hers.
I told her that I don't want to move out either but I am facing a situation where I have to choose one of you and I think it's best if I move out with my wife and she stays in the home which is for the best for all of us.
My sister said that she has no problem in us living together she only hates the fact that my wife does nothing and my wife should work and help us.
I told her if my wife doesn't want to work then she doesn't have to and I don't mind that either, she's a housewife and I told her if she doesn't want to work then she doesn't have to either I'll take care of her as well.
My sister said no to my proposition so I told her that she can have the house and I'll give up my claim over it, she said she will move out as well cause she doesn't want to live alone in such a big house and when we decide to sell I'll get my half.
She's angry at me and she's sad tbh so am I, my sister and I have been together for as long we remember and now we siblings are splitting, I wish there was another solution to our problem but I can't find a way to please both of them and they fight each other and I don't want to choose one over the other so it's best if me and my wife moves out and I visit and spend time with my sister on weekends or holidays or whenever possible.
Here's what people had to say after the "final update":
They need to sell the house, or one buy the other out. Rip the bandaid.
At the end of the day, it's not your sister's business if your wife works or not. She may not like it but it really doesn't matter and the only reason, that I can think of, for her to obsess over it is that she's jealous. And even if your wife decided to work, would it even be enough for your sister?
"Yes she works but ONLY PART TIME and I think she should be working full time!" Or "Yes, now she works full time BUT it's an easy job so she should get a more stressful one like mine!" Tell your sister that green is not a good color on her, that she needs to mind her own business. And I hope you will be happy with your wife in your new place.
I think there are other possible reasons. Maybe Wife is ALWAYS in the house and Sis never gets one moment to herself. Maybe Wife never picks up after herself and she leaves a trail of crap behind her in the common areas.
Honestly your Sister sounds way to comfortable involving herself in your relationship. I think people are getting hung up on the fact your Wife doesn’t work. Whether she works or not is not the point.
The point is your Sister trying to get you to divorce your Wife and just live with her. If the Sister has a problem with the Wife, she can bring it to OP, but after he told her he was okay with him & his Wife’s arrangement, anything after is inappropriate.