Wife asks husbands to split chores, he responds with 'finance list;' AITA? Updated.
If your partner asks you to pull your weight more with household chores, should you respond with a spreadsheet breaking down every dollar you each contribute?
So, when a frustrated husband decided to consult the moral compass of the internet about his wife's infamous 'chore list,' the beautifully petty people of Reddit were ready to help deem a verdict.
AITA (Am I the As*hole) wife makes chore list I make finance list?
Ok so when me (male 26) and my wife (female 24) got married she said she wanted a more traditional marriage were she takes care of the house and I take care of working and all the finances. When I told her couldn’t afford to buy her a new car is when she went to start work at Starbucks part time to pay for it.
Last night she and I had argument because she thinks I have no responsibilities and she does everything herself. So I told her that I be happy to help to just let me know how to help. And she wrote up chores for me each day.
My chores: Monday- break down all old boxes for recycling, clean out trash cans, clean up yard, clean side tables in bedroom.
Tuesday- clean bathroom, clean bedroom, put trash cans on curb
Wednesday- clean fridge, clean oven, clean pool
Thursday- dust house, clean windows inside and out
Friday- clean off porch, pray off concrete ( no idea what this means) block the shop.
So this morning I told her she’s right and we should be equal partners for all responsibilities and wrote up a financial chart of all joint expenses that we will both start paying into.
I factored that putting both of our monthly income would show I make 70% of the total in come and she makes 30% of the income. So I will pay for 70% of the joint expenses and she contributes the remaining 30%.
Now she’s pissed off at me for asking for her to help with finances. Did I go too far? Am I the jerk? We have been married for over 2 years now
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this mess...
Punkinprincess said:
ESH. If she started working part time then you need to pick up some more chores. You asked her to make a list and she did and then you got upset?
I will admit that the lists are quite a bit for a work day, but did you even try to talk about it before being petty? Why can't you just pick a couple of things to start doing around the house now that she's working? Needing a chore list is pretty juvenile.
Soft-Chipmunk-7894 said:
ESH. Transactional relationships are miserable. Luckily, if you both keep it up without finding joy in supporting each other and learning to compromise, you likely won't be miserable for very long.
Unable-Ad148 said:
I mean, when you are coming from a place of retaliation, yes. These petty fights are what chip away at a relationship.
SpicyTurtle38 said:
ESH. Instead of making a petty response like you did, why not TALK to your wife? If you had the conversation before you got married it’s not unreasonable to think things might need to be adjusted every so often- instead of handing each other lists, you need to discuss it and come to an agreement.
It looks like everyone unanimously agreed that both sides were at fault here and a deeper conversation was in order. Based on the harsh feedback, though, he provided an interesting update:
Thank you for input. I went and sat down talk with my wife to discuss everything. Turns out she’s pregnant and that’s why she needs help. So excited happy to help with any chores so she can rest.