'AITA for being upset my wife and her friends pranking my mom on our wedding day?'
"AITA for being upset my wife and her friends pranking my mom on our wedding day?"
Naive-Degree-3529
My mom hasn't been the greatest in the past. She can be really rude and was catty. She didn't get off to a good start with my wife due to her own rude and self centered behavior, but I took my wife's side and laid down boundaries.
My mom gets that she can't be rude these days. I fully get my wife will never like her, mom probably won't like her either, and we all just avoid each other for the most part. Don't get me wrong. It makes me sad as I used to be close to my family, but wife comes first.
We recently got married and it was a nearly perfect day. The one issue that arose is my mom had a fairly large very noticeable food coloring stain on her cheek (about the size of a lighter) Obviously she wasn't happy about this and wanted it covered.
She never does her own makeup and knows very little about makeup. The makeup artist was a friend of my wife's, and knew all the drama about my mom. She told her she would try but the makeup would have to be darker to hide it.
She and my wife giggled ahead of time and decided to mess with her. She made it super dark, like orange. My mom has fair skin so it looked ridiculous. My mom seemed to believe her that nothing lighter would cover it and just removed all the makeup and went on with her big pink blotch.
I didn't know about this at the time, but we recently got back from our honeymoon and my wife hosted a dinner to look at wedding pictures. Her friends all began laughing about what they did to my mom.
This was the first time I heard about it and I said that was kind of mean girlish. My wife gave me a look. Her friends kept saying it was funny and my mom is dumb and got what she deserved.
At this point I got annoyed and said they acted like middle school bullies and they should be embarrassed. Whatever my mom had done in the past, she was not the problem on the wedding day.
This might be way too far, but I said at least she laughed it off and moved on with her spot. They would have spent the whole day insecure and worried about Instagram.
When they left my wife became very upset and said I should be on her side 100% not 95% and that I humiliated her by speaking to her friends like that. She accused me of being a mama's boy.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
bamf1701
NTA. You were correct - your wife was acting like a middle school bully, not an adult. And being her husband does not mean you support her blindly, it means you have the courage to tell her when she is going down a bad path. This is not being a mama's boy, this is being a good and moral human being. If she wants you to be behind her 100%, then she needs to act like a grown-up.
Prize-Bumblebee-2192
NTA. What your wife did was cruel and came from an ugly place. It was beyond unkind. It was downright mean. You spoke the truth and your wife didn’t like how she looked when you held up the mirror.
situationship321
Yeah, it sounds like the wife has reason not to like MIL, but instead of taking the high road she was cruel and a bully. This was petty and mean and really unkind. I hope it’s just that your wife needs to grow up a bit (I was slow to learn compassion for others in my own life, so maybe she is the same?).
I’m upset for you because she didn’t take your feelings into account before this mean girl trick. You stood up for your wife with your mom, and I feel like she just sh*t all over that by not respecting the boundaries you worked for to maintain peace.
You are NTA. Not sure what I would do about it. If your mom is aware that she was tricked it would be important for your wife to apologize. I feel like the friend who did the makeup is kind of an AH too.
z00k33per0304
Now their special day is always going to be tainted and remind him of what a petty and vindictive person his wife is too. From now on if there's anything else that involves his mother OP should foot the bill and keep his wife from having any opportunity to pull this crap again.
Their wedding wasn't the time or place to act like a toddler. And OP is absolutely right, if it had been any of them they would have lost their minds at least his mom had the grace to move on and suck it up for the sake of her son.
cordelia1955
NTA. It looks like you're going to have to set some boundaries with your wife. After you did that with your mom she behaved. You married a mean, childish, vindictive woman. The fact that she got defensive with you and called you a mamma's boy says so much about her.
In the beginning, my mother was horrible to my husband-- both my first and second. Neither of my mils liked me much either. But we didn't resort to meanness or sniping. This could get to be a lifelong thing if it's not nipped in the bud.
After getting firm with my mother: if you treat him badly I won't come around either, she relented. In the end, she seemed to like both my first and my second husband better than she liked me! Most (not all) people can change if they have a good reason to.
Suggestion: maybe couples counseling is in order? If how you approached this with your wife and her friends is accurate, you were not out of order; this is your mother fffs! But they also sound terribly immature. Communication and respect are essential for a successful marriage. A counselor can help with this. Good luck.
The OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the jerk:
Naive-Degree-3529
I refused to laugh off a prank when maybe she did deserve it. I know why they did it and that they didn't target her randomly. I embarassed my wife on a night that was important to her and made her friends feel uncomfortable. Now i am beginning my marriage with her friends not liking me.