'My wife thinks it was inappropriate that I became friends with a single mom when she was bedridden. Am I wrong?' + UPDATE
"My wife thinks it was inappropriate that I became friends with a single mom when she was bedridden. Am I wrong?"
My wife and I have been married for 8 years and together for 10. We have a 7 year old boy. My wife had a pelvic fracture a few months ago, and had to undergo surgery for it.
Her recovery time was a few months, and during this time, she did become really depressed because of her situation. We both understood it was situational depression, but it was still a really tough time for my wife, and I tried to support her every way I could.
My wife and I used to take our son to the park every evening before her fracture, but because of my wife’s limited mobility post surgery, I was taking my son to the park alone.
A week after I started taking him to the park alone, I met a woman, who had a daughter around the same age as my son. While the first couple of days we didn’t say much, on the third day, she did introduce herself.
She had recently moved to the neighborhood. Over the next month or so, we did get to know each other better, and also it looked like daughter and my son were becoming friends.
Now, I did keep my wife in the loop on everything, and my wife had no issues with it. She was even happy I was talking with someone who wasn’t a “sad and mopey” like her. I obviously disagreed with my wife, because I loved my wife and I didn’t think she was mopey at all. She was just going through some stuff.
Over the next few months, I did get to know the woman at the park more. She had divorced her husband last year, and she knew I was happily married. So we were really comfortable with our dynamic, and kind of became friends. She wanted to introduce herself to my wife, but she held off on it because of what my wife was going through.
Last month, she somehow found me on Facebook and sent a friend request, and I accepted it. I even told my wife about it. While my wife was initially fine with it, after seeing my friend’s Facebook profile pic, my wife just freaked out a lot. My wife said it was obvious what I was doing, and that it was extremely inappropriate.
I told my wife there was nothing inappropriate about it, and why had she changed her mind all of a sudden, just because she saw the profile pic? I guess to make matters worse, a couple of days later, my friend did come over to our house to introduce herself, because I had told her my wife was much better now.
My friend baked lemon cookies, which was my favorite dessert, and I thought it was a really sweet gesture to introduce herself to my wife, but the whole thing was a bit awkward.Have I crossed any lines? I don’t think I have, in fact, I think a huge positive to come out of this was that my son found a new friend too.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Did your friend know that lemon cookies were your favorite dessert?
I’m more interested in his slip of the tongue when he said, “I loved my wife” instead of “I love my wife.”
ETA: the friend come home just like that without invitation?? The way OP say it is like she feel comfortable enough to just invite herself!! Or im I misunderstanding?
If a friend of mine wants me to meet his bed ridden wife, I'd show up with HER favorite dessert. I would ask what she needs or how I can help but first of all i will make sure she wants to meet me too.
You are forcing your wife to a "friendship" that makes her uncomfortable and just now when she is stuck in recovery and cant do that much for herself. Why guys do this when woman are in their lowest point in life??
Imagine the reverse- you are hit by a car and are bedridden. Your wife finds a very attractive male friend to keep her company. How would you feel?
The confidence to bring over your favourite dessert to meet your wife. Sounds dodgy to me.
The OP returned the next day with an update.
I did apologize to my wife last night, and told her I would no longer be speaking to the park woman. I do feel somewhat sad about it, because she was seemed really sweet, and she really had no ulterior motives in mind. I really thought my family could become friends with her family. And she was also a great cook.
But I do have to prioritize my wife’s feelings above all else. My wife was happy about the decision, and she asked me if I was sad, and I told her of course not. And that she would always be my priority. That’s probably my only update, thanks everyone for the advice.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
If your friend honestly wanted to be friends with your family? She would have tried harder to learn more about your wife, and she wouldn’t have brought only your favourite desert when first meeting your wife. Why didn’t she ask about your wife’s favourite foods? Why was she only focused on you?
It sounded a lot like she wanted to make ops wife know that she knew him well enough to know his favorites. I dont expect "new friend" to take him cutting her off very well.
Updateme OP, when you start getting messages demanding to know why you are cutting her off, and trying to either straight forward or passive aggressively telling you that your wife is insecure, or asking if this was your decision, or you wife's.
“And she was a great cook” wtf.
"She seemed really sweet" also threw me. Does this guy think his male friends are also "really sweet" and "great cooks" and references that as the reason he values their friendships? No? Just this woman who also happens to be conventionally attractive, clearly interested in impressing him, and single? Odd...
Her baking YOUR favorite treat means she absolutely did have ulterior motives. You are choosing to be ignorant of it all in the name of “we were just friendly”. Any normal woman would tell you she was interested. Just like men use the line, “I’m a man, so I know how men think”, we women know she was not only wanting friendship, and your wife knew it too!