Woman abandoned by SIL at pool post surgery; SIL's marriage immediately implodes. AITA?

When this woman has surgery and becomes concerned about her SIL's marriage, she asks the internet:

"I was left at a pool after dental surgery by my SIL, her marriage imploded as a result. AITA?"

I (19F) had surgery a couple days ago to get all 4 of my wisdom teeth out and because I have a really bad fear of dentists, they had to drug me pretty hard to do the removal. Not like laughing gas that wears off really fast, but actual IV medicine so I was pretty much unconscious during the whole thing.

They told me to have a "responsible adult" drive me to the appointment and back because the meds they gave me would make it dangerous to drive. My mom was on a work trip and couldn’t take me, so I asked my sister in law Bri (24, not her real name) if she could do it as the whole thing would only take an hour or two.

I even offered gas money because the dental office is about 45 minutes away. I would have asked my brother but he works during the day while bri is a stay at home mom to their 2yo daughter who I think was at bri's mom's house that day.

Bri agreed to take me to my appointment and the surgery went fine, bri waited in the lobby for me to be done. When I came out of anesthesia I was very disoriented and nauseous, which I guess is normal. I had gauze shoved in my mouth to stop any bleeding and bri took me to her car after I was let go.

I don’t really remember much of the drive but it felt like not enough time passed before bri got out of the car and told me to come with her. I was really out of it and just followed her because the alternative was staying in the hot car.

long story short, we were at a pool?? I was really confused but once we were through the gate bri basically parked me at one of those little table-benches said she'd be back in a while.

I was still trying not to puke and was really dizzy from the heat (90+ degrees) and the drugs, so I asked her to take me home but she wouldn't. I guess since it was her day off and she didn’t have my niece she was meeting friends at the pool.

I was starting to feel really sick and on the verge of passing out or having a panic attack, so I called my brother.

I don’t think he could understand me between the meds and the stuff in my mouth because he hung up and I guess called bri because she came stomping back over, cussing and yelling at me, and took me back to the car. I passed out on the drive home, but when we arrived my brother had left work and met us in the driveway.

He was screaming at bri and she was crying. I was still pretty disoriented but my brother took me back home and stayed with me until the meds wore off.

That's when he told me he's divorcing bri because of what she did plus some other things he didn’t go into detail about.

It's been a few days since then and bri has been blowing up my phone telling me what a bitch I am and how me tattling destroyed her family. Part of me feels bad because of my niece and I wonder if I should've jjst dealt with it and waited for her to be done at the pool instead of calling my bro and causing problems. AITA??

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

rikakum writes:

The kind of person who leaves a kid who just had dental surgery at a pool in 90+ degree heat is a bad person. This was not the first time he's seen her be a bad person. And if this time didn't happen, she was going to continue doing bad person things until he got tired of it.

It's not surprising that this was the last straw though. There's something about seeing someone who treats you terribly start to treat people you love terribly as well.

Like you've been powering through for yourself but you can't let them hurt other people too. He's probably thinking "What's going to happen when our daughter has surgery? Will she live her at the pool too?". And he's right to think that.

What I'm saying is, if you hadn't said anything, they still would have gotten divorced. Just maybe a few months from now. And regardless, you should be happy your brother is leaving someone who is a bad person. It's good for him and long term it's going to be good for your niece.

romex writes:

NTA - Couple of things. Whatever was going wrong in their marriage had been happening for awhile and you were not the cause of anything. You asked for help and got taken to a place that you had no place being in your condition.

I am understanding of a mother seemingly getting a 'free day' and wanting to have a good time(Post-partum depression is a real thing), but if that was the case, she should have not said yes to begin with.

It was not 'I need help for 3/4 of this', it was I need help. I do feel for the little one as well, but this is between your brother and his wife. You have absolutely no blame here. And I hope you are recovering well from your surgery.

fromhellayyy writes:

Nta. This is not the reason they are divorcing. This is the last straw, but there were many straws before this. And if it wasn't you, the last straw would have come soon enough without you.

Bro was so wrong to do that to you. She disregarded your health completely. That is not acceptable. You needed help, and she was too busy hanging out.

Your brother was a gentleman to omit the other reasons. I just hope ignoring your niece's needs is not one of them.

If your brother cannot stand his wife another minute, it is because of her actions, not yours. Calling a brother when you are disoriented and don't know exactly where you are is not cause for brother to get a divorce. Please don't feel guilt over it. And thank God he at least took care of you!!

bubblegumrun writes:

NTA. At all. First of all, I feel like you're downplaying having your wisdom teeth taken out *just* because you have a fear of dentists. I fear dentists, but not to the point where I would need more medication just to get me through it, however, they did put me out (which was standard for the rest of my siblings)

and I can tell you I remember counting back from 10, getting to only 8 and the next thing I remember is being in my bed with all of the gauze in my mouth and crying because the pain meds were wearing off and I was in pain.

Now that we've gone through that, for anyone to have not taken me home and made me go anywhere else after a major surgery like that, I don't know what would've happened to me because I don't even remember most of what happened after that.

So it's completely unacceptable for any person to take you somewhere, like a public pool on a hot day to just sit at a table while they kick it and drink/hang out. Your SIL is incredibly irresponsible and, as many are already pointing out, there were other things that made him want to divorce his wife.

For your sake, I'm happy that your brother stuck up for you and didn't complain that you did something wrong, because you literally didn't. SHE ruined her marriage. SHE was irresponsible. SHE is TA in this situation.

What, she couldn't even just drop you off at your house before she went to the pool? Why not? Did you ask yourself any of these questions because it's not that hard of a thing to do. It would have literally taken the burden of you not having to be sitting at some weird public pool while you're recovering from a major surgery.

So please, don't feel bad about this an block this woman, but also show your brother whatever it is that she's saying to you so it further cements his plan to divorce her. She sounds awful. Also, hope you're feeling better!

stealthlu7 writes:

NTA. When I got my wisdom teeth out they had to put me under because of how difficult they were (read horizontal impactions with nerve involvement) and i barely remember anything of the rest of the day afterwords.

Between the IV followed by the meds, sleep and fluids is the only solution for the nausea, pain, and uncomfortability that follows.

I can't imagine being out in the heat with no water or anything and being stuck there. It would have been kinder of her to at least drop you at home before going to the pool. (Though I think you're supposed to be monitored for the next several hours as a precaution).

She is 100% the asshole for that and it was incredibly selfish and unsafe of her to do that. What if you had a bad reaction to the meds + heat + lack of fluids and passed out or worse ended up in the hospital?

If he's divorcing her, that was probably just the 'straw that broke the camel's back' issue and she probably has done enough other selfish or harmful things in the past that made it not worth staying with her.

silvah writes:

NTA - honey, you didn't do anything wrong. From what your brother mentioned, it seems this was just the straw that finally broke the camel's back, and no matter what, divorce was immanent.

Either way, you were someone in a vulnerable situation due to medical needs, and she betrayed that in order to selfishly enjoy herself.

What if something else had happened, like if you got up to try and use the bathroom and accidentally fell into the pool? Not to mention the potential heat stroke, she was LITERALLY putting your life in danger!

And I'm positive that's the bear minimum of the potential scenarios that must have gone through your brother's head. I'm willing to bet he's ashamed he ever left you in the care of someone so irresponsible and selfish, and if she's willing to put YOU in that kind of danger, imagine what situations she's left their child in.

Don't beat yourself up over this, as nothing about this situation is your fault. If you're comfortable, feel free to act as a character witness during divorce and custody agreements for your brother...

because I'd be less worried about "breaking up a family" and more worried about keeping your niece protected from an irresponsible parent.

And now, OP's update:

First, thank you to everyone who read the original post and reassured me. It helped a lot and I understand now that my bros marriage was rocky before bri pulled the stunt in my original post.

I'm not good at Reddit (usually just silently read posts) and my update kept getting deleted on the AITA sub but a ton of folks asked for it, so here it is:

I called my bro to check on things, thank him again and see how he and my niece were doing and he told me some things about bri and why hes divorcing her.

I don't think she's cheated on him or anything like a lot of people in the original post thought, at least my bro never said anything about that, but yall were right about the incident with me being the straw that broke the camels back and that I'm not the only victim of bri being careless.

a while back I guess my bro came home early from work and found my niece (2yo) alone in their house with the front door unlocked. he called bri 3 or 4 times with no answer and she came in the front door right before he was about to call the cops.

Apparently she went to the convenience store like a 5 minute drive from their place and left my niece by herself.

When my brother yelled at her she said it was fine because nothing bad happened, and when he said the door was unlocked she just said she mustve forgot and that it wasn't a big deal.

Her phone was silenced on the charger in their bedroom which is why she didn't answer when he called. Bri called him dramatic and told him to stop telling her how to parent and that niece was fine for 20 minutes while she shopped for dinner stuff.

My bro is taking some time off work to take careof my niece because he kicked bri out of their house the same day I had my surgery. she is staying at a hotel that bro is paying for and he gave her two weeks (more like one and a half now) to find a place before he quits paying for it.

He says he's going for full custody because bri is a danger to my niece and doesn’t trust her anymore. she tried to argue when he kicked her out but he threatened to call the police for what she did to me which I guess scared her because she left.

Sorry it isn’t a very exciting update but that's all bro would tell me, I think this isn’t the first time bri neglected niece too but he said he's doing what it takes to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

He also said he doesn’t think that bri is completely malicious but is extremely careless and doesn’t believe her actions affect other people which is why she cant be trusted not to hurt others by being selfish.

I'm doing well after my surgery even after everything that happened so thank you all for the good wishes and advice! I've gotten a lot of messages and sweet words and it's a little too overwhelming to respond to all of them but it still makes me feel a lot better about everything. so thank you again.