Woman asks coworker not to eat her 'cultural' food in the break room. AITA?

"AITA for asking my coworker not to eat her cultural food in the break room?"

I know how the title sounds, and I’m sure as you begin reading this post it’ll sound worse but please hear me out.

I (25f) have a wonderful coworker (54f), who I get along really well with. This coworker is Nepalese and I am a white woman. In the past she’s been kind enough to bring in different food from her culture for us all to try.

I have zero problem with her, or anyone else, bringing in food from their culture and I’ve really enjoyed some of the dishes and sweets she’s brought- especially the barfi she brought in earlier this year for Diwali. My workplace has lots of different cultures and I usually don’t care what anyone else brings to lunch, at least until this situation.

A couple of weeks ago I noticed a horrible smell in the break room that was incredibly strong. It was kind of like if you farted into a sweaty sock and stuck it to your face. It was honestly inescapable within the room, even after I changed the rubbish bin.

I didn’t know what it was, but ended up going outside and eating in my car. I figured it was just a one off but for every few days I’d smell it again! I genuinely had no idea where it was coming from. During this time I just ate outside the building, or in my car.

However, one day I walked in and it was somehow even stronger. This day happened to be a day I had the same break as Jane. I noticed she was eating a fruit and realised that’s where the smell was coming from.

I asked what she was eating and she told me it was called durian (I think that’s how it’s spelt?) and she had only recently found a good market for them. I said I was glad she was enjoying it but mentioned that its smell was quite overpowering and left the room smelling afterwards.

I asked her if she wouldn’t mind eating it at home, or going outside as the smell really lingers in the staff room. She said she never really noticed the smell but would do her best to do so. She seemed a bit annoyed but hasn’t brought it in to the break room since.

I was talking with a friend about this (also white) and she said I was behaving in a r@cist way towards my coworker and it was wrong to police her cultural food. I argued that it wasn’t a cultural thing and I’d have done the same if someone was microwaving fish or another smelly food.

This has caused a debate between us about if what I did was offensive, and while I do still think I was right, I am beginning to question if I could be viewed as in the wrong. So am I the asshole?

Let's see what readers thought:

cram writes:

Durian is not a “cultural” food. No more than pineapple or bananas. Yes, it’s endemic to certain geographic regions, but as far as I know, it isn’t associated with any one culture or religion.

Far and wide, it’s fairly common knowledge that durian stinks. Your description of the smell is pretty bang on.

It wasn’t racist of you to ask her to not bring it to work. Your friend doesn’t understand what racist means, nor does she know anything about the fruit. NTA.

forgat writes:

YTA because all you had to say was your coworker had smelly food. You didn't have to clarify her original nationality or that you were white. Doing so is what makes this racist. No one likes the smell of durian.

She's had plenty of other foods you liked. Therefore this should just be about this 1 dish on that day and nothing to do with the rest. Asking her not to eat her "cultural food" when it was only that specific dish is ridiculous.

Why not say "that smell is overwhelming for this small space" or something like that. Imagine a white person being told not to eat any American food in the break room anymore because they brought fish. You wouldn't do that. It would be about the fish and not the person's entire diet.

remarkinch writes:

NTA. It's not about the culture. It's about the stink. There are lots of foods from lots of cultures that shouldn't be consumed in an office situation, just out of courtesy to co-workers. This is very much in the same category as microwaving leftover fish.

marywiththecher writes:

NTA, but you phrased the title as though you asked her not to eat Nepalese food at work - it should be AITA for asking my coworker not to eat durian in the break room, so much preamble to read when lots of people know what the crack is with durian.