Woman asks husband to choose: 'me or your best friend,' 'I felt like I was losing my home.' AITA?
"WIBTA if I Asked My Husband to Choose Between Me and His Friend?"
Me (29f) and my husband, Alex (32m), have been happily married for three years. Alex has a very close friend, Rachel (30f), whom he's known since college. Rachel has always been a part of Alex's life, and I've never had any issues with their friendship.
However, things changed recently when Alex and I had a baby girl. I expected our lives to undergo some changes, but what I didn't anticipate was Rachel's continuous presence. In the past few months, Rachel has been coming over to our house almost every weekend. She's there for hours, playing with our baby, offering parenting advice, and essentially becoming a regular fixture in our home.
I initially didn't mind the support, but it started to feel overwhelming. I wanted quality time with my husband and our child without having a third person around constantly. When I tried to talk to Alex about it, he defended Rachel's presence, saying she was just trying to be a good friend and help us with the baby.
Last week, things came to a head when Rachel showed up unannounced on a Sunday morning while we were having family time. I tried to be patient, but I ended up losing my cool and told Rachel that I wanted some privacy with my husband and child.
Alex got angry with me, accusing me of being ungrateful for Rachel's help. It turned into a big argument, and I felt like I was losing my own home. Eventually, Alex and Rachel went out, and I was left alone feeling like the bad guy. Ps. She never had any kids of her own.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
oK-firefighter2 said:
What’s crazy is that he leaves with this rachel out rather than sitting and speaking to his wife. I think you both need to have a heart to heart conversation. If the husband is not in for that and behaves weirdly when the rachel lady is around somethings fishy which I really hope not. I wish that things go well for both of you. Good luck.
veerkanch489 said:
NTA. It was fine at first that Rachel wanted to just be a supportive figure and help out. But she is now taking quality time away between your husband, your child, and you. Dropping by unannounced is odd, especially if this is a repetitive occurrence. I think your husband was fine until he got mad at you for poitning this out and making it a big argument unless you said something very hostile, which I don't think it is okay to assume. Alex taking Rachel's side in this is pretty bad imo.
Complete-Buy9999 said:
NTA. She's obnoxious. Your husband is the real issue though, he should take your side.
Remarkable_Buyer4625 said:
NTA - And you’re in trouble. Protect yourself. That woman means more to him than just a friend if he’s defending her over you.
BigNathaniel69 said:
NTA, but your “husband” has already showed you over and over again where you stand on his totem pole. Rachel will always be favored and prioritized over you. He has shown you this and told you this over and over, it’s time you believe him.
skoopaloopa said:
NTA. You're his wife, and you have a say in boundaries and how you guys balance your lives together, too. You could probably have handled it a little more gently, but the fact is she is showing up unannounced, and that's not cool (unless she's telling your husband before she comes and hes encouraging it which would be a bigger issue).
You get a say in who spends what time in your home too - You and your husband need to sit down and have serious talks and discuss boundaries. Tell him you're grateful for her help, but she's over-stayed her welcome, and you need some time to figure out how to be a mom without interference.